These are perfectly valid reasons to choose the private school?

[Fandanglethat]

We've opted to send reception age DS to private school where he has been at nursery (they are a 0-11 school, DD is also in the nursery). We chose the nursery because it was nice, mid priced, hours and location worked for us. We always intended that he'd go to the local state primary, and we applied there and got in. I then started planning for before and after school care, holiday care etc and it is an absolute nightmare! The state school relies on off-site out of school provision or child minders, which are all full. The off-site wrap around care is extortionate (£25 per day) and is block book per term only. So we'd need to block book full weeks, though would only need 3 days provision most weeks (but changes weekly, at short notice). Holiday club doesn't take reception kids. The only local one that does is 10-3 which is pretty useless. And the cost! It's almost the same per week as nursery!

The school attached to DSs nursery has onsite wrap around provision at £3.50 per session, no booking required. Holiday club is £15, 8-6, onsite plus a few trips which cost extra. The fees are £3500 per year but when I've done the maths it works out at about £50 per month more than state school when you include the wrap around and holiday care.

£50 for a lot less faff seems very reasonable!

But my mum and some friends seem to have a real issue with the idea of private school. Is it a bad idea? It's not a posh school, it's not full of really rich kids. Most parents are professionals like us and choose to pay for education over foreign holidays etc.

So we've put his name down and paid his deposit. Are we making a massive mistake?

Educationally both schools seem fine, they have strengths in different areas.

What constitutes a holiday?

We can't afford holidays? Probably means off the shelf hideously expensive brochure holiday.

Holidays to us one-year was one night in a b and b by the beach. Camping, yha for a few nights!

In financial terms it makes sense.

It's your family and your choice.

My thoughts on the ethics and politics of private schools are just that, my thoughts, and unless you directly asked me about them I'm not going to share them. Will I judge you? Yes, but I'll keep my judgement to myself unless asked and you shouldn't base your decisions on what other people think of them anyway.

In your case I would be mostly worried about what happens at secondary, because going from private primary to state secondary would be quite the change and as you point out, the fees at private secondary would be significantly more.

Well as you've done your research grab it! Well done and ignore what people say. Sometimes people (especially family) speak from jealousy, not always in your best interests.

@Fandanglethat, I think the point about holidays is a sore one because ordinarily it’s a ridiculous statement. The overwhelming majority of private schools charge 10k per year plus. Certainly after infants most parents are looking at the plus end of that. So even with just 2 children, that’s 20k at least just for starters or more often 24k. Very few families with 2 children spend 20-24k a year on holidays. There must be so few schools like yours that they can be counted on one hand so in general it is a much spouted but ridiculous claim.

Windyjuly well our last holiday was a week on a caravan park. It was in Italy but only because that was the cheapest option (£200 cheaper than the same holiday in the UK oddly when we factored everything in!).

We don't go for package deals, too expensive! With the exception of our honeymoon we've had cheap and cheerful camping type holidays.

Neednewwellies yes, I can totally see how ridiculous it is to suggest that someone would be able to send their kids to a £12k per year school by not having holidays.

Iwalkinmyclothing I think my biggest concern is the move to secondary but lots of people around here seem to do it. We could probably just about afford to send them to private secondary but it would be at significant sacrifice. But it's about whether the sacrifice is financial then or 'other' now (time, piece of mind, job security etc).

If there was good, reliable wrap around and holiday care for the state school then we wouldn't consider private. I'm actually quite pissed off that it's such a headache. What are working parents supposed to do?

@Iwalkinmyclothing, I appreciate you have a general view on the ethics. But surely most people wouldn’t judge someone for making the choice based on having dramatically easier wraparound system? I’ve been that parent frantically rushing from work to pick up some from the school setting and others from the off school setting. It puts huge stress upon already stressed working parents and on the children. It’s so much easier for everyone if they can finish school then attend an after school setting on the premises and even better if they can attend a breakfast club at that same setting. Little ones get very stressed with all the moving around. I know this as a parent who opted for the state school and thought these problems didn’t matter. You really can’t judge with the assumption in mind that all parents who choose the private option have done so for elitist purposes. Quite often I’ve come across parents who’ve made the decision quite simply because it’s one drop off and pick up for all their kids without added hassle which you just don’t need when you’re both working full time long hours. If you’re in an area where the state schools offer excellent wraparound then I appreciate those challenges may not be on your radar.

Wraparound care was the clincher for us, too. I worked out that to be able to work, keep my career and pension going, and still get DS to the local school, I'd have to drop him at a childminder at 7am and pick him up at 6pm or go part-time, which I was not prepared to do as we'd never have seen him. DH was even less flexible being either out the country or on a Tube. Having paid upwards of 1k a month for my workplace nursery even when he was a baby we figured an indie school wouldn't be much different at least to begin with, and gave me the choice of schools near work not near home, and which made all the difference. I wish ours was £3.5K ! But they are brilliant (not all are by any means!) and I have no regrets apart from the occasional fleeting stab of envy at people who have bigger houses than our cramped semi. But we chose education over bricks or holidays and at the end, you have to make the choice that is right for your family.

We also realised that once we started, we'd need to be prepared to finish. He's still at an indie, but we have backup plans for if we need to move. We also took financial advice which was very useful.

I would look into secondary schools your DC may go to near you though. Start a spreadsheet on costs upto and including university (tuition AND living costs) and senior school uniform (which can include several pairs of sports shoes/boots at one time as well as the clothing). Assume 5-6% fee increase year on year. Total it up, collapse, have a VERY stiff drink and then see if you can manage it given the likely tax rises and public sector pay freezes that are coming...

@Iwalkinmyclothing, I appreciate you have a general view on the ethics. But surely most people wouldn’t judge someone for making the choice based on having dramatically easier wraparound system?

I mean, I would judge them but a) I wouldn't share that with them and b) most of my anger wrt these things is not parents like the OP who use private because it's what best works for them, but the wider systems that result in such unequal provision in the first place.

Unless you are going to offer to drop off and pick up my child everyday, I wouldn't really care if you judged!

I wasn't aware of how awful out of school provision was until now. It's shocking!

I’m really concerned about the cost of this school. How on earth can it afford to pay its staff? How many children are in the class? Multiply that by the fees and see if it makes sense. Most private schools have a teacher and a TA in each class and that’s before you add on material and supplies etc. My youngest is at a prep school which is pretty cheap - about £3300 per term with 22 in the class. I’m sure the only reason the prep school can afford to run with such low fees is because by the time they hit the senior school you’re looking at close to £7k before extras (lunch, coaches, trips etc)

Totally sensible reason to choose the school, but I’m amazed at the cost. I must know where this incredibly cheap school is? Orkney?

Unless you are going to offer to drop off and pick up my child everyday, I wouldn't really care if you judged

No, and why should you? You wouldn't know it either, unless you asked. And if you asked then I'd assume you wanted a truthful answer so would give you one; if you were annoyed by it I'd wonder why the heck you asked for an opinion in the first place!

If you have any doubts about the school's finances, look them up on the companies house website, and if applicable, the charity commission one too. You'll have an idea of whether they were doing OK when they last filed returns. Though of course everything has changed now so it may not be as easy to find out an up to date figure.