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Original poster

Do you have much of a personality?

53 replies

Ladywinesalot · 07/07/2020 21:29

I’m in my 40’s, kids, married, work, degree, homeowner. (Telling your as it makes up me/personality)

But I’ve recently (lockdown) been thinking that I don’t think I have much of a personality.
I have sooo many interests: read, films, food, wine, music, fashion/makeup, exercise, friends, family travel

But I never feel like I come across or am very interesting. I don’t feel like I have a sparsely personality and I hate lying or embellishing the truth so any story I tell is matter of fact.

I also don’t like to offend or upset people so watch what I say so not to hurt their feelings.

I feel very vanilla and boring, and I don’t like it!!
How does one get a good personality?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladywinesalot · 08/07/2020 21:03

@motorcyclenumptiness

I've had fungal infections that could outshine me in the personality stakes
You have the type of personality I aspire too hold 😭
OP posts:
KetoWinnie · 08/07/2020 21:06

ps, if you don't embellish a story, I like you for that!

I feel I have a strong sense of myself now, and although a lot of my opinions are fairly common (amongst mumsnetters I'd say) I can keep them to myself, mostly.

Strength of personality isn't your opinions. In fact a lot of the time it could be knowing when not to share them, knowing that this is not the hill to die on, knowing that this is not the audience you need to sell your truths to....... et cetera.

Original poster
Ladywinesalot · 08/07/2020 21:08

@bitofasleuth

If by 'personality' you mean life and soul of the party, look-at-me hyperactive, demanding to be the centre of attraction at all times and super popular, then I have to say I think I'd much prefer you as you are Grin
Yes, I think this is it.

I’m not the life and soul of the party, but wish I was.
I don’t seem to have enjoyed life in the last 5 years as I did in my 20s and 30s and miss it.
But life is different now, my responsibilities, values and outlook are much calmer.

I want peace, not drama.

Maybe my personality is fine, I just need to accept the peace I have longed for for so long.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladywinesalot · 08/07/2020 21:12

@KetoWinnie

ps, if you don't embellish a story, I like you for that!

I feel I have a strong sense of myself now, and although a lot of my opinions are fairly common (amongst mumsnetters I'd say) I can keep them to myself, mostly.

Strength of personality isn't your opinions. In fact a lot of the time it could be knowing when not to share them, knowing that this is not the hill to die on, knowing that this is not the audience you need to sell your truths to....... et cetera.

Yes a lot of this.

My strength of Personality/character is not to be an arsehole and treat people with decency.

I seem to know or come across so many people in their 40s who are trying to recapture their early 20’s and I don’t get it?

But then I feel as dull as dish washer because I don’t want to bitch and moan about every little thing.

Drives me mad!!

OP posts:
KetoWinnie · 08/07/2020 21:13

Wanting peace not drama is a good personality trait!

Immigrantsong · 08/07/2020 21:15

OP everyone has a personality. It's owning it that's often hard. Live for you and not for the you, you think others may want. Fuck others. Do you.

Mysterian · 08/07/2020 21:17

No. I wear a lot of Hawaiian shirts so I don't have to have one. (Man)

KetoWinnie · 08/07/2020 21:20

Enjoy the process. I know what you mean about other people fussing and flapping and bitching about tiny little upsets (it can seem) but they're operating from the place they're in.

Sometimes (and this happened to me) when you want to hold on to your own integrity, other people will feel judged by that and not love you for it. So it's not always a meteoric rise to nirvanah, just being your best self! It's not like it instantly automatically brings you nothing but joy.

It's important to me to ''do no harm and take no shit'' and I have the first bit off pat and sometimes I feel upset with myself, like I've let myself down that I feel upset because somebody eroded a boundary. I'm ''evolving'' in to a more resilient version of myself as I go along. That's the plan.

squanderedcore · 08/07/2020 21:20

My personality differs depending on who I am with and how confident I feel with them. I thought that was the same for everyone?

Crowd of total strangers = fairly ok, can work a room, but now I am older I find it exhausting.

14 or less people I know but not close friends eg around a dinner table/ or work do = terrifying so probably would come across as quite stilted or nervous/unconfident.

Small group of close friends or family = relaxed and sometimes a bit loud!

KetoWinnie · 08/07/2020 21:20

@Immigrantsong

OP everyone has a personality. It's owning it that's often hard. Live for you and not for the you, you think others may want. Fuck others. Do you.
owning it that's hard.

So true!

Original poster
Ladywinesalot · 08/07/2020 21:21

@Immigrantsong

OP everyone has a personality. It's owning it that's often hard. Live for you and not for the you, you think others may want. Fuck others. Do you.
I do understand the sentiment of living for self acceptance, it’s a journey I’m on and one I often struggle with.

But I also think we are social beings and we have to have good manners and good personality’s to have a successful life e.g. be present for work which could lead to a promotion.
Be pleasant on the school playground so our children can have play dates.
Does that make sense?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ladywinesalot · 08/07/2020 21:27

@KetoWinnie

Enjoy the process. I know what you mean about other people fussing and flapping and bitching about tiny little upsets (it can seem) but they're operating from the place they're in.

Sometimes (and this happened to me) when you want to hold on to your own integrity, other people will feel judged by that and not love you for it. So it's not always a meteoric rise to nirvanah, just being your best self! It's not like it instantly automatically brings you nothing but joy.

It's important to me to ''do no harm and take no shit'' and I have the first bit off pat and sometimes I feel upset with myself, like I've let myself down that I feel upset because somebody eroded a boundary. I'm ''evolving'' in to a more resilient version of myself as I go along. That's the plan.

You’re hitting the nail on the head.

I’m confident in my values and how I carry them out, but get hurt when others cross my boundaries, and it’s just as you said.

Build resilience when my boundaries are crossed.

This is where I fall apart

Brilliant insight into others being threatened when I hold my own integrity. I’m no saint, but I think I’m getting it.

OP posts:
DanniArthur · 08/07/2020 21:27

How does one get a good personality?
Confidence.
I'm not sure I have a 'good' personality but I've been told I'm very likeable and people generally gravitate towards me.
I'm naturally friendly without being overbearing, funny in a quirky way and I'm confident. That means I'm usually the first one up dancing at parties and I'll have frank discussions without people pleasing. It also means I'm comfortable in my own skin which makes me happy and a fun person to be around. Don't overthink your personality, just be comfortable with who you are

Rockbird · 08/07/2020 21:30

Depends who I'm with. Family yes, I'd say I have lots of personality, sense of humour, strong opinions, a sharp wit. With other people though I am as dull as ditchwater. I'd much rather listen than take part in a conversation so I probably don't have much to add to other people's lives.

squanderedcore · 08/07/2020 21:33

I dont think you necessarily have to embellish a story to make it interesting btw Some people are naturally good story-tellers and others not so good. It's more to do with confidence and having a sense of humour surely, rather than embellishing? Also, how relaxed you are in your own skin. I don't mean this in a snippy way at all, but I think if one engages in a lot of self analysis all the time, or you are constantly keeping watch over your own behaviour, it could be a bit stultifying perhaps? I think relaxing and being yourself is good advice.

Also, if I knew a friend of mine was embellishing a story for any reason, I would assume that they were doing it to make people laugh, or to entertain others, or to "earn their dinner" and I would never sit in judgement about that, especially if they were funny and we'd had a few drinks.

GisAFag · 08/07/2020 21:34

I think I'm hilarious.. Others may disagree but when I'm pudding myself laughing and they're there stony faced I look over at them and laugh even more, I love being me.. Even though I say things I shouldn't (my mouth and brain don't always engage Grin) .. Be funny, be kind, be you.

GisAFag · 08/07/2020 21:35

Pissing myself not pudding myself ffs Grin

MaximumDose · 08/07/2020 21:39

I think I'd be described as "having a personality" but it involves far too much swearing, believing in my opinions to the point of obtuseness and being the loudest person in 99% of scenerios. All of this is followed by me going home and analysing everthing I've said in social situations, worrying i talked too much about the wrong thing etc.

Your personality is your personality. It's no less and more valuable than anyone's. It's a factual statement. It's who you are. Embrace it!

ScrapThatThen · 08/07/2020 21:41

People have always assumed I have hidden depths because I am quiet but confident. I don't.

LunaNorth · 08/07/2020 21:42

@motorcyclenumptiness

I've had fungal infections that could outshine me in the personality stakes
Well, you just contradicted yourself because that’s hilarious Grin
LittleMissEngineer · 08/07/2020 21:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

dooratheexplorer · 08/07/2020 21:50

Yes, I'm rather dull at the moment too! I'm very unhappy in my job at the moment but this is due to change soon.

For me, it definitely waxes and wanes. I'm fairly quiet but really like a laugh and a bit of banter. I haven't really got that with my current work environment (boss problems) and I feel suffocated and worried about saying the wrong thing.

After lots of ups and downs in my 20s and 30s I just want peace now. I've got that and I'm content but life is pretty dull.

Alltheyoungpups · 08/07/2020 22:10

Totally depends who I'm with, I'm never centre top table but shine far more with some groups than others where I'm.definitely floating around on the periphery

unoeufisunoeuf1 · 08/07/2020 22:32

The very fact that you've thought about this in the first place, and all your subsequent posts, makes me feel that you have an interesting inner life, and if I knew you I'd think you had an interesting personality. Or do you feel that this isn't reflected outwardly?

I think as pp have said, this might be coming from a place of lockdown introspection. Have you been on social media a lot? I know I've spent too long on it and it's easy to start feeling that everyone else is so much more sparkling and witty with all their glossy pictures and captions. I start to feel a bit dull and pedestrian! Can't remember how to have a conversation in real life either! I keep telling myself these times will pass...

GimmeAy · 09/07/2020 01:54

I'm a depressive extrovert. Lock-down has not suited me. I'm usually the life and soul of the party. I find myself lonely with no party. I'm probably more intellectual than people assume as I'm bubbly I suppose you could say. Behind the bubbles is a keen wit, a sharp mind and a sharp edged arse to cut you with. And a massive ego it appears.