Are you popular?

[RiceSnap]

If yes, have you always been popular?

Are you introverted or extroverted?

Do you have good self esteem?

Are you easy going?

Do you gossip lots?

I don't think I am generally popular but I have felt more positive vibes from people when I was in settings where I was good at something and so had some sort of social 'respect'.

In a mums and kids setting e.g. school, kids' clubs I feel it's either genuinely friendly, easy going women who are well liked or those who are very extroverted, a bit showy, love to gossip and are a bit divaish.

My dds have friends but are not at the centre of attention and are certainly not the popular girls.

What's your theory on who's popular?

I quit like to skirt on the outside of the social scene. I am probably quite boring.

I'm popular, always made friends, git on well with peers and work colleagues. I remember swigging on at a young age that it's best to be friendly and light in a way. To be on the good grounds with the majority. In most social places, work, events, etc we are all kind off thrown together so learning skills like small chat and humour, asking people about their lives, being interested in others,leaves a good impression. I dont gossip generally.

Of course that social self is different to private self but it is a skill, I think. We all like nice people, you know, people who are non demanding and can fill the awkward spaces at weddings or parties, who will chat and be pleasant.

I dont think its important to be popular at all but I do know people who seem to create a vacuum around themself when interacting with strangers. They cant gauge the room and either bore people with self obsessive rants or are such hard work with general chatter the other ierson gives up.

Yes, I’m popular - both socially and at work. I have wonderful colleagues whose hard work and support keep me going; and a large, intermingled social group made up of several groups with some things in common and others not. They are (mostly) good, caring, kind, committed people, and I am lucky to have them. I am somebody very well-thought of amongst the group/s.

I am an introvert. I really enjoy my own company and often prefer it to that of others. After, say, a weekend of being a sociable party animal (like this last weekend) I very definitely need to chill and recharge on my own or one-on-one with friends for a bit.

I have excellent self-esteem. I’m pretty awesome.

I’m very easy going. I’m told I’m easy to talk to, will help wherever I can and do anything for those I care about; but also have excellent boundaries and am not afraid to say if something isn’t working for me.

I don’t gossip. It’s nasty and it’s pointless.

I wasn’t popular or “cool” at school, but I had a solid group of good friends, some of whom I remain friends with decades later (I’m 34) and who I count among my best friends.

Boring is as boring does. Very few of the people I know are “conventional”, considering our ages and what we do for livings, and I don’t think many of the people I know were considered “cool” at school.

My theory? Most people are good people and most people are looking for the same thing out of a friendship: somebody who is enjoyable to be around, who can be relied upon, doesn’t shit stir, isn’t duplicitous, is giving of themselves, has expectations of others, pitches in for those they care for, doesn’t shirk their responsibilities, doesn’t whine, blame, play the martyr or victim, or wear their chips on their shoulder.

Few of us have had an easy ride to get where we are as adults, but the best of us don’t try to make others accountable for problems they didn’t cause.

Will echo @Duvetdoggy - being interested in others and behaving in a way that others know you remember them gets you a long way in life.

I'm not popular. I'm an introvert and don't have much self esteem.

I started typing, then saw what @ComtesseDeSpair said.

I’m similar in many ways, but am an extrovert, and am very conventional in lots of ways.

Wasn’t very popular at school, but had a few good friends. Definitely not cool at school.

I am cool now, though I think it’s because I have high self esteem, share my love and strength widely, but wisely, within boundaries.

And again, echo lots of what PP have said.

My dds have friends but are not at the centre of attention and are certainly not the popular girls

Oh dear.

Depends on how you define popular?

I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea but I tend to find that it is other women who feel threatened by me which I find fascinating.

I recently did a psychometric personality test which came out that I read people and emotions very well. I think that is true. I am very good at social situations where I don't know people. I find conversation easy and am genuinely interested in people.

I am confident in lots of ways but also can put on a good act.

I have lots of friends in lots of different groups although I tend to only have a couple of really close friends. This was the same in school. I can generally get along with most people.

Oh god no, not popular. I've slowly realised why. I'm not great at small talk, I'd rather tell you my life story and hear yours too. I can't suppress my opinions either...I'm fine if you disagree me..I love a good debate and would still be your mate, but I don't think other women like that generally.

No, I think people like me as a good person if they think about it but I'm not entertaining enough to be popular.

I do have good self esteem though, I do5nt feel the need to perform for them, very comfortable with my own company, so I get what I deserve want

I'm popular and was at school too. Not cool now but I was as a teenager. But the thing with me is that I actually find people draining and just put on a good act. I think my self esteem is ok, mostly I'm empathetic, non threatening (I think) and make people laugh. I wish I enjoyed people more as I get asked for lots of meet ups and coffees etc but hardly ever go.

I think (hope) that I'm generally well liked. I get on well with work colleagues and have quite a lot of friends. Wouldn't say I was particularly extroverted.
At school: I, like most people, didn't have people lining up to spend time with me but I could run along well with almost everyone and I don't think there was any friendship I craved which I didn't have, if that makes sense.

Depending on my mood I can be introverted or an extravert. I'm not sure whether I am popular or not, I was definitely part of the "in crowd" at school, but that was a very long time ago.

I am easy going, good company (I'm told) I am very balanced and don't gossip - I keep a confidence.

I love being with my friends, but I'm also happy in my own company and I'd say that is the case for all my close friends too.

My self esteem is through the floor but sometimes I can pretend to be popular, make small talk etc. Other times I can't and don't want to.

I generally have friends but don't get invited to all the parties or anything. Which is fine with me. I'd rather have a cup of tea and a deep chat anyway.

In my 20s I had the great skill of making men like me by becoming exactly what they wanted in a woman, which was usually listening to them bore on about some shite or other for hours, laughing in the right places, and occasionally having some kooky opinion or interest to make his mates think I was a catch. I've grown out of that now and actually consider whether or not Iike someone before I try to get them to like me!

I wasnt super popular during my early teens, but somehow thrived with friendship groups at uni.

I'm a bit of a mix of introvert and extroverted. If I go to a n event where I don't know anyone im more than happy to mingle, I'm not shy and rarely feel socially akward. So that would make me more towards extrovert, however I don't feel the need to be the centre of attention, I'm happy having quiet alone time so that would make me introvert.

I have very good self esteem.

Do I gossip lots? Hell no, people (both friends and stangers) often confide everything to me. Out of my various friends I tend to be the first to know who is pregnant, divorving, their finances, the good news and the bad. But I always view it as their news to share - not as gossip fodder

I should have also probably asked about boundaries.

It's interesting to see who is socially popular in the different areas of my life. In my experience it's either women who are consistently friendly with everyone, in an easy going not too heavy way, without being overbearing or women who are generally quite self absorbed in a 'look at me' kind of way.

Among my dd's peer groups it's the girls who are friendly in a non-threatening way or the ones who are the most attention seeking.

While I think it's important to be social and definitely polite in the workplace I don't feel I have the energy to engage too much.

I'm broadly popular I think. Not the top of anyone's list - but the type of person most people like.

I have relatively low self esteem from years of bullying at school and an emotionally manipulative relationship. But over time I've come to realise that I'm funny, hard working and kind, and I quite like a general chat over a cup of tea which seems to make people like me!

I also have slightly specific interests and tastes in TV and books - which means that I have little in common to talk about but people seem to like the fact that I'm a mine of useless information and fun facts. So I like to own that about myself and see that as a positive quality!

I also think a lot of women who are popular (in a friendship sense) are attractive but in a non threatening way. Just my observations.

I wasn’t popular at school: too keen on working hard and not interested enough in smoking or copping off with boys behind the off licence.

As soon as I went to university, I was surprised to find that I became extremely popular, and I have remained so ever since. I’m good value socially, I laugh a lot and I’m kind. Especially to people who aren’t as socially confident. I’m not that easy going though.

I think part of it is, people gravitate to someone who is confident and fun because they know that they won’t have to do the heavy lifting and there won’t be awkward silences. You don’t necessarily want to spend time with people who complain a lot, or are downbeat, or who go on about their own disappointments. It’s OK when it’s your close friends, but not when you first meet people.

I am not at all popular and never have been. Nor have I ever particularly wanted to be.

I'm pretty easy going but also strongly introverted. I have strong boundaries and I am outrageously geeky; which was automatically social suicide when I was a teenager, though not so much now.

But strong boundaries mean I am willing to cut people off for acting like dicks, which unfortunately many do. The few friends I do have I would trust to the ends of the earth, and they have had my back multiple times.

I am sociable, personable and polite in work, but the people I work with are my colleagues not my friends. I am there to a job not be queen bee.

My self esteem as a child /teenager was basically none existant but its fine now.

Yes, I think so...?! I have lots of friends and am quite good at keeping them, have very good friends still from school and uni and all the jobs I’ve worked at.

If yes, have you always been popular? Wasn’t particularly popular at school, was incredibly dedicated to what has since become my career. Whilst lots of people were partying, I was practising/rehearsing. Was also incredibly geeky and hardworking at school. Had a nice group of friends with only slight amounts of drama that I’m still in touch with. When I was at uni studying my ‘thing’ I found my people, and was in the popular group. Have remained friends with them.

Are you introverted or extroverted? Very extroverted out of the house, chatty/good at small talk etc. Struggle having people at my house unless they’re very close friends. I like knowing when people will leave and always have to have an exit strategy from a party. There are very few peoples houses I will sleepover at for example. I need unwinding time after a social event.

Do you have good self esteem? Mixed. I know that professionally I am extremely good at what I do and am well respected. Am able to front out awkward situations and be assertive etc. Privately I am anxious and prone to depression. I put on a good show....

Are you easy going? Superficially yes. And with friendships I think so. Am very reliable and enjoy doing things. I don’t deliberately argue with people, hate confrontation. Am happy to hold my tongue for a quiet life and always want to smooth over conflict as it makes me very stressed.

Do you gossip lots? Hmm. I have had my fingers burned a couple of times due to not holding my counsel when younger (entirely my own fault). I am now very discreet and do not share confidences. People tell me stuff all the time!

Interesting thread.

I've never thought of myself as popular. I'm usually well-liked at work and fit in easily.

But I'm not very entertaining at parties, I don't have any good anecdotes and I don't drink! So I think I'm boring.

However I am a good listener and good at asking others about themselves, some of you mention those as a good qualities so maybe not being entertaining matters less than I think.

I've always found it difficult to make friends with a group, I feel like I'm intruding if a friendship group already exists and have never understood how to break in. I'm best at 1:1 friendships and prefer to meet one person for lunch than be at a party.

I see being popular as being at the centre of several groups plus being fun and entertaining. Definitely not me! But my self esteem is ok - I don't care that much that I'm not popular.

Interesting thread.

I've never thought of myself as popular. I'm usually well-liked at work and fit in easily.

But I'm not very entertaining at parties, I don't have any good anecdotes and I don't drink! So I think I'm boring.

However I am a good listener and good at asking others about themselves, some of you mention those as a good qualities so maybe not being entertaining matters less than I think.

I've always found it difficult to make friends with a group, I feel like I'm intruding if a friendship group already exists and have never understood how to break in. I'm best at 1:1 friendships and prefer to meet one person for lunch than be at a party.

I see being popular as being at the centre of several groups plus being fun and entertaining. Definitely not me! But my self esteem is ok - I don't care that much that I'm not popular.

No, I'm not popular and never have been. I don't really have any friends though I did have a few at school and uni.
I am an introvert with poor self-esteem who doesn't really know how to do small talk. I either say nothing much or say too much and then realise I am almost talking over people in a probably very irritating way.
I don't know much about popular culture. I don't watch much tv or films or like to go out for drinks etc. I don't listen to much contemporary music and I have been interested in fashion.
I don't gossip. I don't even know if I could be described as easy going. I think some people would maybe say I am but they would be wrong.

I do all the right things but I'm not someone people immediately take to. I'm probably autistic so I don't do it right. Give me time and I'm funny and loyal and I'm not a gossip.
I'm not popular but not disliked. My self esteem is middling. I'm nobody's first choice for a social occasion but I'm not somebody you'd avoid. Often forgettable.

No, I'm not popular. Generally likable although not everyones cup of tea. Literally. I don't like tea, or coffee, or most popular TV and sometimes very conventional people don't seem to know what to do with me. I don't do fake to blend in.

I'm in the middle on extrovert/ introvert. I need both a variety of company and time on my own. I like my own company. I take myself off and do what I like. I struggle though because so many people seem to need to do things in packs and have no space for individualism. My self esteem is pretty high. I like myself. If people like me that's great and if they don't, that's no loss.

I'm not gossipy, either about celeb type stuff or friends because I don't have a neat cluster of interlinked friends. I think this might be another bonding problem. I'm interested in all kinds of stuff and can talk about most topics, just not nitpicking other peoples' lives.