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Original poster

Secondary school and Father Christmas

84 replies

ScottyDottyDooDah · 07/07/2020 18:00

My DS was (weirdly) humming Christmas songs to himself this evening, and when I questioned him, he told me he was just letting his Elf on the Shelf know that he's thinking about him!

My DS is off to secondary school this year. He's a sensitive little soul, although not silly (the Easter bunny and tooth fairy believing stopped a couple of years ago)

Do I need to have the chat?! Sad

OP posts:
Walkley18 · 08/07/2020 20:58

Have you decided OP?

Original poster
ScottyDottyDooDah · 11/07/2020 18:28

Eek. I deffo need to have the conversation- the responses are fairly unanimous and match what I think need to be done! Have tried to steer the conversation twice so far, over the last few days, and I keep chickening out. I honestly think there might be tears! Argh. Where did my baby go?

OP posts:
SirSamuelVimesBlackboardMonito · 11/07/2020 18:31

Better tears at home with you now OP, than at school in December with a whole class laughing at him.

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Events & celebrations General education Secondary education
Original poster
ScottyDottyDooDah · 11/07/2020 18:40

Yep, totally agree. Just didn't think I'd have to psych myself up so much!

OP posts:
Walkley18 · 11/07/2020 19:15

Deep breath and go for it. Probably think you're joking so just need to be clear, and it's far enough away to lessen the disappointment if you do it now. It may be good to twin with a 'grown up' thing to do now which you haven't allowed before, eg staying up later or similar.

Tyranttoddler · 11/07/2020 19:18

When you teach year 7 and it is absolutely awful when you realise a kid didn't know and has found out from someone else in a lesson. Their faces 😩

Topseyt · 11/07/2020 19:32

@Miserablemoan

Are kids at secondary school really that cruel?. My dd is so young for her age (11) and still likes things that 7&8 year olds usually like. She knows what is ‘cool’ but has no interest. She doesn’t care what other people think of her but her friends at primary school all just accept her as she is. I don’t know how (or whether to )push her towards more ‘acceptable’ things.
Yes, I'm afraid secondary school can be a very cruel and unforgiving place. A kid who let on that they still believed in Father Christmas there would be absolutely taken apart.

So tell them.

GarlicMcAtackney · 11/07/2020 23:52

miserable ‘are kids in secondary school really that cruel?’
God, I am jealous of your easy secondary school experience. Not about Santa stuff, but even needing to ask that question means your years at school haven’t absolutely emotionally annihilated you for life. I can’t even imagine :(

Holothane · 12/07/2020 00:36

Yes visceral teen Girls especially can be bitches.

Creamcar · 12/07/2020 00:46

My 12 yo still believes.

Georgielovespie · 12/07/2020 07:45

There is a lovely letter on the internet about Father Christmas saying if course he is real but he just doesn't actually put the presents in the stocking.

It says he is an idea, a concept, that adults &older children help to preserve & now you can be part of it for all the younger children.

We printed that off. Ds1 loved being in on the secret. He did have one question though which was how the hell the Elf was half way up the curtain. I told him I pinned him from the back of the curtain so it genuinely looked like he was climbing.

My sons are 17 & 14, they still put a stocking out for father Christmas!

MrsT1405 · 12/07/2020 07:51

I'm in year 62 and I still believe.

Miserablemoan · 12/07/2020 07:56

garlic I’m honestly sorry that you had a horrible time and I’ve no doubt that many others did but it can’t be a near universal experience.
I went to a girls school and of course there was piss taking but it was rare for girls from older classes to have anything to do with younger ones and in general friends stuck together.
I remember wanting to have the right stuff to fit in but didn’t always have it and the worst that would happen would be a bit of ribbing from my friends.
I guess I was a slightly quirky child too and was probably mocked behind my back but I had no knowledge of it.

I will let dd know about FC but how do I stop her talking about her collection of hatchimals or her favourite day out to the farm etc.
That’s who she is Sad I’ve already vetoed a smiggle bag but it makes me feel like I’m as bad as the bullies!

lifestooshort123 · 12/07/2020 08:01

Somewhere in the conversation you can say that because you've all loved the idea of him for so many years it would be a shame not to leave a sock out as usual at Christmas - the FOMO on the bits of plastic tut usually makes the disappointment worse! As long as he's quite sure who's filling the sock Smile

SnuggyBuggy · 12/07/2020 08:07

Secondary schools can be brutal environments and by that age there can be a lot of scorn for people seen as immature or young for their age.

I get not wanting your kids to grow up too fast but I think they need to be as prepared for this environment as much as possible

InkieNecro · 12/07/2020 08:11

@Miserablemoan

garlic I’m honestly sorry that you had a horrible time and I’ve no doubt that many others did but it can’t be a near universal experience. I went to a girls school and of course there was piss taking but it was rare for girls from older classes to have anything to do with younger ones and in general friends stuck together. I remember wanting to have the right stuff to fit in but didn’t always have it and the worst that would happen would be a bit of ribbing from my friends. I guess I was a slightly quirky child too and was probably mocked behind my back but I had no knowledge of it.

I will let dd know about FC but how do I stop her talking about her collection of hatchimals or her favourite day out to the farm etc.
That’s who she is Sad I’ve already vetoed a smiggle bag but it makes me feel like I’m as bad as the bullies!

I'm sorry, it does seem to be a near universal experience for mixed sex schools at least. I left my first secondary school due to bullying and didn't especially like the second but I wasn't being threatened so it was better.

Maybe you could send her to a girls only school instead?

Babdoc · 12/07/2020 08:18

OP, it may soften the blow to explain to your son that Santa Claus IS real - he was St Nicholas, a bishop of Smyrna, who died in the fourth century AD. He threw bags of gold coins in at poor people’s windows so they would have a dowry for their daughters to be able to get married.
This genuine Christian saint was the basis for all the embroidered Santa Claus myths added later.
Encourage your son to think about the most important gift of Christmas - the gift of Jesus, the son of God, to the whole world, as our redeemer and saviour. Beside such an awe inspiring, history changing event, silly Santa myths pale into insignificance, as just a daft bit of fun for small kids.

Katinski · 12/07/2020 08:49

I was going to mention the St.Nicklaus connection, but Babdoc beat me to it.Smile

Walkley18 · 12/07/2020 09:14

I went to a girls school and was emotionally bullied for an entire year because I once turned up wearing something unusual (but allowed). Put me on their radar. Wish I hadn't worn it, that year was absolutely miserable.

HunkyPunk · 12/07/2020 09:20

Maybe you could send her to a girls only school instead?

Slightly Shock at the idea that girls' schools are any less brutal! I think all secondary schools are very much 'sink or swim'. I've thought about it on and off for years, as my school experience was mixed, to say the least, and my 3 ds seem to have fared better, but even they say their selective state boys school was a 'bear pit'. I think self-confidence and self-belief is at the root of it. I had none, so was desperate to fit in, and felt unable to express my individuality. I can imagine some children would be able to carry it off (believing in FC and enjoying hatchimals etc.), and find their people, while others would be ripped to shreds.

Evelefteden · 12/07/2020 10:12

😂😂😂😂😂 you are not the only parent to be doing this. My friends son had to be sat down a week before secondary school starter and find that it Santa wasn’t actually real!

SnuggyBuggy · 12/07/2020 12:29

How babies are made is another one if they still don't know at 11.

Artesia · 12/07/2020 12:49

‘are kids in secondary school really that cruel?’

DS goes to a very “nice” school- often cited as one of the best state schools in the country. When he was in year 7, a kid in his (top set, apparently super nerdy) maths class asked him, during a lesson, if it was true that he fucked his mum. Teens can be vile.

Nutrigrainygoodness · 12/07/2020 13:02

I had a chat with dd (11, starting secondary in sept) the other week. She was chatting about Xmas and
I said 'Do you know?'
She replied 'I've known for ages, but let's still do stockings'

Please tell him before he starts secondary, they can be brutal places. In my fairly naice school, someone got badly bullied because he wore grey trousers and not black (you could wear either as part of the uniform).

HunkyPunk · 12/07/2020 13:10

Sounds like my ds's school, Artesia! The excellent state school they have described as a 'bear pit'. It's not situated somewhere beginning with S, is it?

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