Any other women who've never been unhappy about their body/looks?

[Echobelly]

I feel it's sad that being happy with your body isn't apparently the norm for women - or maybe it's more usual than its portrayed in the media, though I've seen lots of stats about how often women think/talk negatively about their bodies?

I've never been unhappy about my looks or body - and believe me, this is not because I am some stunner with a 'perfect' figure, and I wonder why I'm happy when so many women aren't, and what other women who are happy with their looks think.

FTR, I am short, been a size 8-10 most of my adult life, now more of a 10-12. I know that's basically slim, but I have a small bust and a large waist, so I don't have the idealised female shape at all, means I can't wear certain clothes because they're cut for larger boobs and smaller waist, got pretty good legs though. I have a couple of deep scars on my body from operations, but I don't mind people seeing them when I'm in swimwear. My face is OK, I have very nice eyes, people comment on their colour and size. I've never attracted much sexual attention from men (which I'm grateful for given what it sounds like to get a lot), though I know a few men have found me beautiful, which I find slightly surprising.

I get really annoyed at the idea that it's sad if a woman doesn't think she's beautiful - it's just not where my self-worth lies so it's simply not important to me. No one expects men to base their worth on their looks!

I don't know why I feel this way, and I hope I can convey it to my daughter - I think my mum had a lot to do with it, that she was always confident without being conventionally attractive or shaped, and that she never did down her looks or body, or, significantly, those of other women.

I'd be interested in what other women think might have made them confident, however they look.

I’m very aware of who benefits from any dissatisfaction I might feel about my looks — the cosmetics/diet/cosmetic surgery/‘wellness’ industry etc — and that we’re peddled the idea that we should be dissatisfied, and ‘work’ on ourselves. Bollocks to that.

It does anger me how this dissatisfaction with our appearance that we're supposed to have is portrayed as just 'part of being a woman'. I'm convinced young girls, who want to be 'grown up', learn from seeing women around them go on about 'I'm so fat', 'I look like an old hag' (when they're 29) etc, that the way to Be A Woman is to put down your looks. Thus you see stick-thin 14yos going 'Ugh, look at my stomach', 'I've got such stumpy legs' etc - they're imitating what they see adult women do.

I agree. I've never believed I was "attractive" in terms of looks, I'm very ordinary, but I've never considered that an issue. I did struggle a bit with it as a teenager when I was very spotty but I've never thought how I looked was the most important (or even an important) thing about me.

I thank my Dad for that. He built a very strong sense of self esteem without ever leading me to believe I should be his princess, but rather a belief that I could do anything I wanted to do.

Always very happy with my looks.
I don’t get mum guilt either. Maybe I am a man?! 😁

I’ve never been unhappy with my body. I snapped back into shape after DD. My actual looks on the other hand I have always detested. Cannot stand how I look. I’ve spent £££ on hair and nails and make up as well.

Re: having kids, my waist/stomach got worse after kids, although in general I got back to more or the same shape in a few months. My waistline was always my least good bit anyway, so I didn’t really care.

I’m definitely getting ‘stouter’ now I’m in my 40s – not putting on much weight, but I look a bit stretched sideways these days, though as far as I’m concerned, that’s middle age for you and I’m not going to drive myself nuts fighting it. My view about my waist is that I was never going to have a flat stomach and neat little waistline – I mean, maybe more so if I really limited my diet and did hours of core exercise every day. But I figured that having more time to do other things and being able to eat cake would bring me more joy than a flat stomach! I mean, I’m sure for some people having a toned bod does bring them true happiness, but each to their own.

And that’s what I hope to get over to DD – it will be interesting to see what body shape she ends up with - there are so many between both sides of the family, mostly pretty good – I just want her to accept the shape she basically is and to know it’s just not worth driving yourself nuts to achieve a type of figure you were just never meant to have.

I've just turned 30 and I realised recently that I've been on a diet on and off for 18 years. I wasted my 20s (and a LOT of money) by dieting and yo-yoing in weight.

I'm currently a size 14, fit and healthy, nicely dyed and styled hair, I have great skin and I have a face that's a solid 6.8 . I'm academic and funny and I have lovely friends who enjoy my company and a DH who loves me.

There are much worse things in life than being a bit fat so I've just... stopped. Stopped dieting. Stopped picking flaws when I look in the mirror. I'm not happy with my body every minute of every day but I feel 100% better for not punishing it with a constant cycle of binges and restriction.

Great call @amusedbush ! Life is too short.

I think this is all a symptom of women finally pulling away from 1000s of years of being chattel - basically, it was the case that our only chance and purpose in life was marriage, ideally a levelling up from where we were, and your best chance of that was being pretty, because women weren't generally valued for their conversation. And while that's not been the case for some decades, it takes a long time to slough off the idea that our only worth is in our looks, and that attitude dies hard even when we can earn our own money, don't even necessarily need a man in order to become a mother and so on.

It's not about 'every woman should feel beautiful', it's about 'why does a woman have to feel beautiful anyway?'

I have never been bothered about my looks as it is not me that has to look at them all day! I am much more bothered by my surroundings and love to live in a beautiful envionment and would rather spend money on that than on my appearance.

I've always been body confident, and like you OP I am far from perfect. I'm a size 16 and over 6ft tall, I know I'm a head turner and always have been. I have been slimmer, and bigger, and continued to wear what I want, including bikinis. I always say that if people don't like the sight of my wobbly bits they are quite free to look away.

I don't really understand why women worry about men seeing them naked - in my experience, no man ever complains about getting to see a naked woman (and let's face it, we all look better naked than men ). Honestly, he's not going to go 'Ugh, you've got cellulite, put your kit back on love' . I quite enjoy being naked in front of blokes because you know they love it even if you're not perfect.

I always hated how I looked, was so unbelievably hard on myself. I survived my 20/30s by being 'cool' Dressed in a very particular way that got me a lot of attention (think along the lines of a particular decade, very vintage, I'm being deliberately vague!)
Hit 40 and suddenly thought bloody hell lady you're pretty good looking. And I am, I've aged very well, still look young, thanks to luck partly but I think also because I'm very slim and dress as though I'm still 20.
I feel sad that I thought so little of myself for so long. I have lovely hair, big eyes, great cheekbones etc Why did it take me decades to see it?
Women are so hard on themselves, I have tried so hard to build my daughter up but I think it's harder than ever these days.

I'm 49, so reasonably old!!

Yes, my mum looks at pictures of herself in her teens/20s and says 'Wasn't I cute? And I thought I was such a dog!'

Luckily, thus far DD (12) is showing signs of having fairly healthy self-image. She wanted to have her hair cropped short when she was 8, so she did, and I think that's a good early sign that she's unconcerned about what a girl is 'supposed' to look like. She likes clothes that are colourful and comfortable rather than trying to look 'hot' or older than she is. I do worry a bit about MIL who is rather a body facist type and already makes pass-agg comments about her waistline in photos (like a lot of early-adolescent girls, DD has a little bit of tummy fat that shows up between growth spurts then goes again) - DH has taken her to task about doing that though. And DD is wise to her grandmother's BS on this front at least!

I’ve always been fine with the way I look. I’m lucky that I can eat what I feel like (large portions of reasonably healthy food, no sweet tooth and I don’t tend to snack) and stay a healthy weight. I’m vain enough to enjoy finding nice clothes that are flattering if I can, but not vain enough to be bothered to wear makeup often. On a good day I look in the mirror and think I look attractive. On other days it’s ‘whatever, I don’t have to look at myself so I don’t care!’. I think I missed the memo that said all females must be self-critical about their body.

Always been happy with looks because let's face it, we aren't getting a different set of looks are we! I've definitely grown into my looks and figure the older I've become and much more confident these days. I think upbringing definitely has something to do with it. My mother was comfortable in her own skin and never that I remember slagged off another woman for her looks. Insecure women do that and it's just toxic.

@Quirrelsotherface - yeah, definitely a mum with a pro-women attitude helped. And she always pointed out the beauty of women of all different shapes, sizes and races - I think that avoid a feeling of 'I can't be beautiful because I'm not tall, blonde and busty' or whatever the ideal is at any given time. I try to do the same with DD.

Sorry OP bur this comes across a bit as a self congratulatory thread about your nice standard figure and looks and how other women are clearly too cowed to appreciate what they have.
Speaking as someone who regularly gets shouted at by strangers in public for the way I look, someone who has endured YEARS of bullying in school, work and in my private life for my body, and who cannot go into any high street shop and fit into something (regardless of whether it suits me or not) I congratulate you on your fortunate genetic lottery.

Me to this day I will not have a mirror in the bedroom I can cope with the bathroom mirror as that’s for the head and face, compact mirror for lipstick. A full length mirror no way, I loathe looking in them and hate fitting rooms with them. Been this way since being called fat since 13.

I'm also short with small boobs and no waist. I'm not sure I'll ever love my body as a whole but there are parts I like. I dont mind my face though.
Growing up my mum was always on a diet (but rarely lost any weight - she was overweight ) and I had an ED in my teens and half of my 20s. It makes me sad that I wasted those years where I should be going out and having fun, staying in calculating calories and exercising in secret. I look at pics of me in my mid 20s when I had virtually a 6 pack and wonder why I didnt appreciate it.

I think I’m basically a man too! I’m pretty overweight (3 stone?) and short but I think I’m a fucking goddess.

I’m not actually good looking but I genuinely think it’s confidence that makes someone sexy and attractive. I’ve always had a lot of attention despite being plain and chubby. Because I think I’m fucking awesome.

In my 20s I had a best friend who was super confident and everyone wanted to sleep with her. It made a light switch on with me and I realised that how you look is such a small part of how attractive you are.

I think our parents are incredibly important. Our mums can model a comfort and acceptance and enjoyment of their own and our bodies (or the opposite). And while I know it's icky, I do believe that how our fathers relate to us implants beliefs about our attractiveness (an over sexualized relationship screws us up of course, but also a father who shuts us off/ is oblivious or neglectful erodes our confidence.

Daisybrain, sorry think you're projecting. OP is being matter of fact. She can't help what she looks like.

NC for this.

I'm pretty, I know I am, and it affects you in ways people don't realise. Growing up I was very shy and hated attention...and it was unsettling and confusing when my looks were the only thing people noticed about me.

Bullied at school when a popular guy asked me out. Given dirty looks by girls in school corridors after 2 boys had a fight over me. They didn't even KNOW me. Laughed at for being shy.

When I left school I started drinking more, and became known for being the outrageous one, the one who would do the most shots, first at the karaoke etc. I guess I felt I had to prove there was more to me than my looks. In the end most guys were scared of me I think cos I was too busy persuading a DJ to let me have a go, or dancing on a bin.

It took my now husband 2 years to persuade me he was serious. I took it so slowly and held him at arm's length for ages. Dating was a minefield. The boys at school had a competiton to see who could sleep with me first. It was awful. I never even kissed anyone until I was 17 as I found it all so stressful.

Longer in the tooth now and past 40, with kids in tow. I don't have to prove anything to anyone, and whilst I like what I see in the mirror I've never been vain; turn up to school in trackies/hoodies, barefaced...and am very matter of fact and down to earth/self deprecating. People seem surprised like I'd be a bitch or something.

When I get dressed up I still turn heads, but I honestly don't give a fuck. It's superficial, it has had its downsides, and honestly I'm glad of getting older and attracting less attention.

You can't help your genetics, but I wish people would stop thinking that the life of someone good looking is blessed.

I think it's great you feel like this OP. I'm in my thirties and finally starting to feel better, not because I suddenly think I'm gorgeous or anything but because I'm starting to feel less interested in the whole tedious subject of looks and like other things are more important. Sadly society still locates women's worth principally in how we look (and in our reproductive status). Self worth needs to be linked to something else. I think your confidence/lack of body issues might be quite rare though, sadly.