Any other women who've never been unhappy about their body/looks?

[Echobelly]

I feel it's sad that being happy with your body isn't apparently the norm for women - or maybe it's more usual than its portrayed in the media, though I've seen lots of stats about how often women think/talk negatively about their bodies?

I've never been unhappy about my looks or body - and believe me, this is not because I am some stunner with a 'perfect' figure, and I wonder why I'm happy when so many women aren't, and what other women who are happy with their looks think.

FTR, I am short, been a size 8-10 most of my adult life, now more of a 10-12. I know that's basically slim, but I have a small bust and a large waist, so I don't have the idealised female shape at all, means I can't wear certain clothes because they're cut for larger boobs and smaller waist, got pretty good legs though. I have a couple of deep scars on my body from operations, but I don't mind people seeing them when I'm in swimwear. My face is OK, I have very nice eyes, people comment on their colour and size. I've never attracted much sexual attention from men (which I'm grateful for given what it sounds like to get a lot), though I know a few men have found me beautiful, which I find slightly surprising.

I get really annoyed at the idea that it's sad if a woman doesn't think she's beautiful - it's just not where my self-worth lies so it's simply not important to me. No one expects men to base their worth on their looks!

I don't know why I feel this way, and I hope I can convey it to my daughter - I think my mum had a lot to do with it, that she was always confident without being conventionally attractive or shaped, and that she never did down her looks or body, or, significantly, those of other women.

I'd be interested in what other women think might have made them confident, however they look.

I think I have reverse body dysmorphia I think I look better than I actually do 😁

I'm mostly ambivalent TBH and have never hated anything specifically. Of course there's always things you would change if you could but I think that's true for everyone not just women.

So for example, I can be annoyed at the way my hair refuses to lie nicely, but equally I'm thrilled when my wonderful hairdresser manages to tame it in a way that someone with well behaved hair wouldn't manage. The idea of my hair (or any other feature) dictating my happiness is bonkers.

Equally I wish I was thinner, but accept that I'm too lazy and enjoy eating and drinking too much to stress too much over it. My life is so much simpler that way!

I personally feels it's my duty as a women not to fall for all the beauty marketing which makes us feel inadequate.
Spending our time, effort & money on our looks holds us back from doing other amazing things.

I do get told I’m pretty and have always had male attention which I’ve never felt comfortable with.

But I absolutely hate everything about my body. I feel horrible in everything I wear, and spend ages looking in the mirror at my body in disgust. I’ve always been a size 6 but after having children I’m now a size 8, I know that is still very small and to me it’s not about the size clothes I’m in it but how my thighs are wobbly, my belly’s untoned and saggy etc.. I get comments that I shouldn’t be unhappy as I’ve got a great figure but I can’t just flick a switch in my head and change how I feel.

It also annoys the hell out of me when I see comments on clothing pages if the model is say a size 8-10 and people will moan why can’t they use a ‘real’ women to model. Or if the picture is of a say size 14-16 women they’ll say how it’s great to see a ‘real’ model instead of some fake anorexic model. Some people are naturally small framed and it’s still just as hurtful to call out someone being too thin as it is to be called too fat! I used to get the comments I was too thin all the time when I was naturally like it, it doesn’t make anyone less of a women!

I think it first started with me from when I met my previous partner. I was a size 6 completely comfortable with my body and took pride in my appearance, worked out etc. But he would always put me down and say I was fat and body shame me. I of course believed him and that’s stuck with me. I’ve gone on to have children with my now partner who always compliments my body but I still deep down think, well if I was fat and ugly at my smallest and most toned then what the hell am I like now! After 8 years with OH I still can’t bare for him to see me fully naked.

I’m very careful with how I react around my children as I want them to grow up fully confident with their body and never have to feel under pressure to change the way they look.

I'm slimmer than I used to be but I've always been happy with my looks. I've always been 'pretty', but losing weight revealed that underneath I had a really good figure: decent boobs, narrow waist, flat stomach, pert bum, and good legs. In the right context, I am perfectly confident walking around in a bikini.

I've always been ok with my appearance, on the whole. I am not particularly pretty and my hair does what it wants and not what I want, but never had too much trouble attracting a partner. Sometimes I feel a bit tubby, sometimes I look too thin. I realised years ago that I get what I get - Crohn's disease dictates my weight to a large degree. I don't agree with cosmetic surgery (I don't mean to solve a medical issue, just fiddling with your face for the sake of it) so I'm at peace with my facial features. I've always had a very good bust and waist but I've got stumpy legs with weightlifter thighs. I prefer to feel strong and powerful than 'pretty'. I wear glasses all the time. I have watched my mother battle her weight for my entire life and I can't be arsed with that.

I've always been conventionally very attractive - a 'head turner', and people have always told me so. However, I am also autistic with ADHD and anxiety. I always turn out to be 'different' to what people expect when they first meet me, and as a result they don't always know how to treat me. I don't think people expect attractive people to be autistic - just my opinion.

So, although I've never had any image hang-ups, I think it's unfair that people often assume such people don't have any other problems. And people do assume that. I've had 'it's all right for you, I mean look at you' from people frequently, even people who know about my various issues. It's as if they think that my conditions and resulting difficulties are somehow compensated/made easier by beauty.

I've name changed for this, which I suppose says a lot in itself, doesn't it.

From the age of 20-25 I was a size 16 and although overweight I was the most body confident I'd ever been! I had a lot of male attention and thrived off of it and just felt good all the time really.

I lost a lot of weight and finally reached my target size 10 dress size. I felt better health wise and looked good in clothes however since then I have felt more insecure about my weight, scared of being bigger again ruins a lot, I've lost the glow I used to have, I look a bit older without the fat padding out developing wrinkles and do receive less male attention. This has all led to being very, very unhappy with how I look.

I want my old overweight, confident, outgoing old self back but in the body of my healthier, size 10 present self. The male attention thing bugs me as I don't want to judge myself by the standards of men, but it's also hard to suddenly feel invisible to the opposite sex when single!

When I was younger I had symmetrical features, good skin, great hair and was slender. Looking good was very easy. Now I'm middle aged with some middle age spread, but I still look pretty good for my age. DH still thinks I'm gorgeous luckily which gives me bags of confidence x

The messages from social media and media in general, is a massive disadvantage to girls. Always has been

I was mercilessly bullied about my looks at secondary school. Always told I was ugly, had horrible teeth, crap hair etc. That no one would ever fancy me etc. I really believe that set me up for a future of crap/abusive relationships as I thought any port in a storm rather than holding out for something better. Now when I look back at photos of my teenage self I was not the awful Quasimodo creature that they all did I was at all. To this day I don't know why they did it. I still pick my appearance to bits and worry about it. Bullying never fully leaves you.

I give way more headspace to how I look now (30s) than I ever did as a teen or in my 20s. I think that's the influence of social media and constantly having photos taken – I'm so aware of how I look now, which definitely leads to picking at yourself. I don't necessarily feel badly about how I look, but I am very aware of "oh I could make my teeth whiter/hair nicer/skin brighter/stomach tighter" etc etc. I'm actively trying to switch off and remember that influencers are trying to sell us stuff.

Interesting the different ways people feel about this - from liking face but not body; getting a lot of attention from guys, or not getting it and not caring; growing out of being critical and growing into it etc

Ageing isn't bothering me much, I do look quite young and think I will continue to do so judging by my mum, who I look like. I suppose it helps being shacked up and with kids in that I'm not really looking to lure any blokes, and I haven't experienced 'becoming invisible' to guys in middle age as I was never particularly visible to them in the first place!

Like a pp, I was bullied and that affected me a lot. I didn’t get positive input at home either. My mum forever told me I wasn’t pretty. Apparently she didn’t want me to be “deluded” about how I look! And, just like that pp, I endured crap relationships thinking that was the best I could do and that I was “lucky” to get anyone at all. I didn’t ever question whether I was attracted to, or liked the man, if they liked me then I grabbed onto them! I could cry for my younger self. It took me until late 40’s/early 50’s, a time when I am objectively looking my worst, to finally feel ok about myself. Now I feel there’s even more pressure on young women. When I was young a set of hair crimpers and some bold eye shadow and you were ready to hit the town! Now it’s all lip fillers, bum/boob implants, Botox etc etc. I am so glad I am not a young woman now.

I’ve always had an odd feeling of guilt for being comfortable in my skin. I’ve spent most of my life being slim and never have to lose weight. Lockdown has made me feel like I look pregnant, but I’m not that bothered about it. I can’t make my boobs bigger or my thighs slimmer, same as I can’t do much about the weird dent I have between the top of my thighs and my hips - it’s just how my body is, just how I am.

I know my many flaws but I've never bothered too much about them.

This is a great thread OP. I get depressed about all the ‘just have Botox’ threads we get on here.
I am happy with how I look, although people sometimes make comments about my appearance as if to suggest I shouldn’t be. For example, assuming I think I’m too fat (size 12) and making comments about my nose (so what - it’s quite big, but so are my eyes and my smile).
I don’t feel any insecurity about my looks and I won’t feel bad about that, like society and some other women seem to think I should (it’s always other women who imply that I don’t look right, never men).
But. I would rather not think about my looks at all. I would prefer to value myself on other things only, such as my intellect, my family relationships, my friends, etc. I do value myself on these things, but my looks are too important to me and they won’t last, will they? (Although I think grey hair and wrinkles are attractive, most other people do not).
I would like to be able to resist looking in the mirror and judging myself at all. I can’t get away from my female conditioning.

I feel quite similar to you @Echobelly and weirdly it sounds like we’re fairly similar physically. Objectively I’m perfectly fine looking but not beautiful or eye catching. There are features I like and some I don’t but I just never really pay it much mind. I pick clothes I like but I never focus on hiding flaws. I wear my hair long because I have nice hair and I’m too lazy to style it and I’ve given up bothering with makeup.

My mum is much more attractive than me but she never spoke about looks, her own or ours, when we were growing up. Not about weight or beauty or anything really. No compliments, no criticisms. Clothing was all about what we wanted to wear, what we liked and what was practical. As a result I never felt like I existed for other people to look at.

I have noticed that if a woman seems satisfied with her appearance, other women don't warm to her. It's like we have been conditioned to say we aren't happy even if we are really! As a teenager I remember the appalled faces of some friends when I said I'm happy enough with my looks.

Interesting @morefun - I've always been someone with more male friends (not in an 'I'm the hard-drinking, sports-loving "cool girl"' way, my male friends are geeks, or queer and not generally alpha male at all) and with my female friends never had classically 'girly' friendships where we're close or confiding.

But there does seem to be a taboo about being OK with your looks with other women, like people going into competive 'I'm so fat', 'No, I'm so fat' , 'No, my arse is so huge' and magazines don't help by touting this idea of saying 'Celebs are just like you, hey, this model hates her ankles as well!' like being insecure about your body just comes with the Being A Woman package. Like I said, I think teenage girls pick this up - what do adult women do? Complain about their bodies, therefore in order to seem mature and also likeable, you have to be down on your looks. It's so sad and leads to a lot of misery.

I wonder if we are heading to two extremes with younger girls - a more feminist, cynical 'I'm more than my looks' camp and a Insta-contouring-whats-your-excuse-for-not-having-visible-abs? end

But I hope at any rate people can live and let live, as another thing I'm over (and I think is a bit of a misogynist myth really) is this whole 'women against women' thing!

I should be clear on this that it’s only certain women who make comments about my appearance. I have many female friends who never do. I certainly have way more female friends than male friends.
It’s only certain women who seem to think I need to be told I don’t look good enough.

I know in many ways good looks have made my life easier, so now I’m in my early 40s, I’m aware that those look will start to fade somewhat, haven’t probably worded that the bestest
Bit it sure is a funny old thing how we feel about our looks and bodies and how much we are all judged on them

Well, like I said, women have been through milennia where our looks were literally our only resource in society - that sort of conditioning takes a while to get over!

It's true. Sadly, we are all judged on our looks.

Men have liked my confidence, women haven't. So I hide it from women more than I did as a teenager 😂