"you ruin everything"

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My DNiece said to me the other day, after we went to the park, that "you ruin everything aunty. I always look forward to things with you and they get ruined."

This was after I told her off for being silly near the pond.

Now she tells me she was just joking???

Was she??

A bit odd, how old is she?

Yes, how old ?

Hmm, hard to know.

I'd let the dirt and the mess go but messing around near a pond, sounds like you were being a responsible adult!

How old is she? Sounds like she sees you as an equal rather than an authority figure which would make me not want to take her out alone. You were right to tell her off.

If you think her parents are talking about you behind your back that’s another issue altogether.

No, she wasn’t joking, she’s just trying to save your feelings, I’d guess that’s really how she feels about you.

There could be something in it- maybe she feels like she is always being told off when she’s with you. (Which of course doesn’t mean you’re wrong to do that if it’s appropriate)

Or it could be something she has said to get back at you because she is angry at being told off. It could be something she has heard a parent say to the other and knows it’s a comment that comes with a sting.

Sounds like she sees you as an equal rather than an authority figure

She’s her aunty. Not a parent or teacher or childminder. She doesn’t have to be an authority figure.

It's hard to say without knowing how old she is but I get the feeling @Smallsteps88 may be right that she feels you tell her off every time you see her

What age is she?

She's 6 and a half.

She wasn’t joking

She’s trying to save her skin so she doesn’t get in trouble

Let her mess about, but I agree about not messing around near a pond.

Saying that, she might learn a valuable lesson if she was to fall in. Not that I am recommending that

No she's probably not joking. Some children don't like being told off at all. I would tell her you are just trying to keep her safe, it's her silly actions that are ruining her fun.

I would use this.

I would say “you know what, I look forward to our days together too and I get a bit upset when I have to tell you off for silly behaviour. It ruins things for me too. How about we make a deal not to ruin the day for each other? I know you can be a sensible girl and not do anything that you would need to be told off for, right? And I can speak to you like a big girl instead of telling you off like a baby. How does that sound?”

She’s her aunty. Not a parent or teacher or childminder. She doesn’t have to be an authority figure.

Well if she is the only adult there, she does have to be an authority figure to a certain extent.

she does have to be an authority figure to a certain extent.

No she just has to be the adult.

Were you in sole charge of her op.

As she’s only six I’d say yeah she meant it, she looks forward to seeing you but thinks you ruin her fun.

She's 6.5 so it was a statement of her feelings at that moment in time.

She looks forward to doing things with you, so she clearly does enjoy doing things with you - until you stop her doing something. You quite probably spoil her (quite rightly) a little more than her parents but then you have to go and spoil it by being reasonable.

My dd3 nearly four year old told dd2 seven year old sister she was EVIL through gritted teeth the other day. Dd2 crime was to not let her play with her Moans Lego fill.

I’ve no doubt dd3 meant it but she wouldn’t have realised the gravity or the context of it or what it even meant.

Let it go over your head

She probably just doesn't like being told off and if you have to do it a lot, she might think it's you ruining the fun. It's not like you can let her do whatever she likes when it could be dangerous, but she won't think about it like that.

She sounds a bit of a madam, I'm afraid. She was rude. If you're the adult in charge then she needs to suck it up.

Need a bit more context really. Do you see her frequently, do most days end up with a telling off at some point (this is probably uppermost in her mind) or are you negative in general?

She did also say she looks forward to going out with you, so if she was telling the truth that bit counts too.

I think she feels that way. Do you frequently 'tell her off'?

You said you 'told her off' for being silly near the pond but did you really have to 'tell her off'? Could you have just moved to a different area?

Depends how the ‘telling off’ went really

Did you ask her to move away from the pond? Did you say ‘Hey DN watch you don’t fall in’ or did you rant at her for being naughty?

It’s all in the delivery

@CallmeAngelina

She sounds a bit of a madam, I'm afraid. She was rude. If you're the adult in charge then she needs to suck it up.

I don’t see that the girl was necessarily rude. Children are allowed to express upset if they think someone has been unfair with them. She didn’t tell her aunty she hates her or call her names- she was actually quite articulate for a 6 year old. She almost did a shit sandwich!!

My only qualification in answering is I’m an Auntie too but i think kids of that age nearly always mean exactly what they say! They rarely have a filter for the feelings of others. That said, they also live very ‘in the moment’ so at the time she said it you were ‘ruining her fun’ you were! You stopped her doing what she wanted to do (being silly near the pond), of course you had to to keep her safe. I’d focus on the fact she said she always looks forward to things with you!