A really funny, family-friendly joke please!

[Thingsarel00kingup]

Needed for later today please! I only know a few old ones and a few too many crude ones 😂

Please help.....😄

What’s yellow and smells like bananas
Monkey sick

What cheese do you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone.

Two cats have a swimming race across the English Channel, an English cat and a French cat.

The English cat is called One Two Three. The French cat is called Un Deux Trois.

Which cat won?
English cat

Why?
Un Deux Trois quatre cinq (cat sank)

@jackparlabane

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

Why can't penguins fly?
Because they're chocolate biscuits.

Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other, "How do you drive this thing?"

The penguin ine Ian genius, I’m saving that for when penguins come up in conversation!

One is*

I have two to contribute:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
No - you're a poo

And I love all these ones, but this is my favourite:

I say I say I say, my wife's gone to southern Spain to get her broken nose fixed.
Andalusia?
No, just the nose.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
The interrupting cow.
The interrup -
Moo!

Which is the messier sport, netball or basketball?
Basketball, because the players dribble; and netball players wear bibs, just in case.

Q. What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
A. You can't wash your hands in a bison

Is this some kind of ironic twist on the classic or did you get it the wrong way round?

What's brown, steams, and comes out of cows backwards?
The Isle of Wight ferry.

What flies around a school at night?
The alpha-bat

What do you call a dream about a crocodile snapping at your bottom?
A bite-mare

What wobbles around in the sky?
A jelly copter

What do you call someone who reads over another passenger's shoulder on the Tube?
A newspeeper.

Cake decorators are protesting tomorrow.
Police are expecting hundreds and thousands to turn up.

My mum sent me that on this morning . I asked her if they're protesting for a higher 'tier' of pay

I don't know if this fits the brief but it made me laugh a lot when I came across it.

A secretary was leaving the office one Friday evening when she encountered Mr. Jones, the Human Resources manager, standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said Mr. Jones, "this is important, and my secretary has already left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the secretary. She turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said Mr. Jones as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

What are hippies for?

To hang your leggies on

How do you make a fruit punch???

Give it boxing lessons!

Why did Kanga's husband keep calling out for takeaways when she was overdue to give birth?

Because she was always saying "I wanna Deliver Roo!"

A Yorkshireman went into a comic shop and said "I'm after the latest edition about the Belgian detective boy, but I can't remember his name."

The shopkeeper said "Tintin!"

"No problem," said the customer, "I'll try again next week".