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Original poster

If you had an underpants refuser, did they ever capitulate?

30 replies

CrimeCantCrackItself · 04/07/2020 22:45

Intransigent small boy, 3.7, going to school nursery in September (supposed to be anyway, covid pending!) And since he was potty trained, has steadfastly refused to wear underpants.

I've tried boxers and proper undies, in a variety of sizes. I thought it might have been the labels so unpicked them (rather than cutting them out) and still no joy.

He just doesn't like underpants. Do they grow out of it or is it just one of those things?!

OP posts:
Namechanger2099 · 04/07/2020 23:02

Following as I have a 3.8 year old DS who is the exact same. He just prefers not wearing any

Ive even tried him with knickers as they are looser and he just doesn't like anything on!

slipperywhensparticus · 04/07/2020 23:03

Is it going to be a huge issue? I can't see anyone batting an eye really

cdtaylornats · 04/07/2020 23:19

Put them in kilts then you can say it is cultural.

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Fatted · 04/07/2020 23:23

My eldest prefers to go without when he is at home. I think it is to do with how they feel against his genitals and he prefers having room for everything to dangle free.

I can't really see it causing an issue, unless he has to get changed in class for PE?

jessstan2 · 04/07/2020 23:35

Try loosely stitching some (loose fitting) underpants into his trousers around the waist so they look as though they are part of the garment. Unpick them to go into the wash after he undresses for bed at night, obviously not when he's awake and around. It will only take a few minutes.

Original poster
CrimeCantCrackItself · 04/07/2020 23:54

I can't really see it causing an issue, unless he has to get changed in class for PE?
He will do. But I'll tell his teacher when he starts school, I can guarantee he's not the first she's come across Grin

It's not so much it being an issue more of a 'I wonder if he'll grow out if it' type thought process. He'll put a pair on, put pants over the top, and within minutes he's going "no, nope, I don't like these" and taking them off. Just won't have it at all.

jessstan2 he had a couple of pairs of swim shorts, you know the type with the build in underpants and he wasn't keen.

He can be quite funny about sleeves being rolled up or when pant legs ride up too. Just properly freaks him out. Just one of his little idiosyncrasies I suppose.

OP posts:
FourNaanJeremy · 05/07/2020 00:02

Mine was like this at about the same age. Came out of nappies no problem but absolutely refused pants! I let him get on with it as he was still at nursery and they didn’t bat an eyelid but I was also concerned about him getting changed for PE when he started school the following year.
I finally got him wearing them when it got to winter and it snowed, and I said ‘oh dear you can’t really go out and play in the snow unless you put some pants on because your bum will get too cold.’ Obviously after that the pants were on in 1.7 seconds and he’s never complained since 😂
I think he will just grow out of it OP, once he gets used to the idea he will just get on with it and wear them

dizzycatdance2 · 05/07/2020 00:10

If he's sensitive to the "feel" of clothes (you mentioned cutting out the labels) would seam free pants be an option .

I bought my d's seam free socks from a site that caters for children who struggle with the feel of clothes e.g. autistic etc.

My son's socks shortened our morning routine by 20 minutes and a tonn of stress.

Might be worth a go ?

Maybe one pair to get him used to the idea?

Ps not cheap but soooooo worth it.

TheId · 05/07/2020 00:33

We've had a pants regression in lockdown from DS (8)!

He always used to wear pants but since being at home all the time I noticed he had stopped. He says it's more comfortable. If I nag him he will put them on but I've been letting him choose to go commando around the house and only insisting if he goes outside. I really hope he will want to wear them when he's back at school

I think peer pressure will solve my problem on that and probably OPs too.

Interestingly he has always been quite concerned about textures and would only wear 'soft' trousers ie joggers until this year when peer pressure got him to wear jeans. He often comments if something I wear feels nice but never says anything looks nice and he loves a tight hug when upset and a back scratch when tired. Just a tactile person I guess.

stellabelle · 05/07/2020 07:18

They don't all "grow out of it". My DS is 30 and has never worn or possessed a pair of underpants in his life.

Lovelymonkeyninetynine · 05/07/2020 08:11

Theld my son is exactly the same as yours! Pants refusal during lockdown and as yours he is tactile in all the same ways.
We'll have to chip the soft shorts/trackie bottoms off them come September!

DazzlingDee · 05/07/2020 08:21

Haha same here ! My son is 3yr 5m and never worn any form of underwear. And neither does his Dad! I’m not sure it’s that much of an issue ? Just if they have to get changed in front of anyone, so PE.
The only thing that drives me mad about it is if we have and residue left behind (sorry Grin) then it’s directly on the clothes, not pants. (And that’s some not DH! He doesn’t have a problem with wiping !)

DazzlingDee · 05/07/2020 08:23

Son! Not DH

Freetodowhatiwant · 05/07/2020 08:26

I have an almost 8 year old who still struggles with the feel of clothes (not autistic) and it is actually still a problem because yes they have to change for PE. He has been allowed to wear black jogging bottoms for year 2 and 3 but we move house and school soon so when we go back (whenever that will be!) I’m going to be trying to persuade him into pants and proper trousers. Dreading it. He also had issues with socks and shoes but that seems to be going. The socks thing was hideous and sometimes took 20 minutes and a lot of tears just to get socks on that he was happy with. I’m so glad that bit is better now. Now just to get him used to pants and trousers rather than joggers. I don’t mind him not wearing pants but it is just the PE thing.

SnowdropSurprise · 05/07/2020 08:27

My DS was a pants refuser at preschool but by the time he started reception, he was fine wearing them.

Emeraldshamrock · 05/07/2020 08:30

DS was the same. He is 5 now I bought him some avengers boxers this year otherwise he refused any till this year.
It is a sensory issue the spectrum of SPD is huge from minor irritation to fill on meltdowns.
I left him bare bum under his bottoms but drilled into him private is private no mooning his bum I'd say many of the preschoolers are bare bum.

Handbagsatnoon · 05/07/2020 08:39

I've got an underwear refuser DTS9 will wear them to school if he has pe/swimming, but never comes out of school with them on if he does as soon as he gets in the car he'll whip off his trousers and take off his pants, he's also known as the flasher at home as he simply doesn't like clothes and walks around completely naked.

therealkittyfane · 05/07/2020 08:43

What is a DTS9 ?

roking · 05/07/2020 08:55

My step daughter refuses any kind of underwear. She potty trained at 2.5 and has never worn underwear. We used to put them on and she would take them straight back off. We decided that just going with it, and accommodating it, was the best idea after taking her shopping one day in a sundress, not knowing she had removed her knickers before we left the house 😳😂

Her school insist on skirts 😳 when she was starting school there were many many discussions with her about having to wear knickers to school, we even tried telling her it was illegal not to wear knickers to school. She was still point blank refusing. luckily just before she was due to start school we found some skirts with cycling shorts built into them 🎉 🎉 and as they were from a tiny shop at the seaside when we were on holiday, we bought enough sizes to hopefully last her till she starts secondary school.

Hoping she becomes willing to wear knickers before puberty starts, because I really don't know how to deal with periods etc without underwear 🤔🤔

In the summer, every morning when she gets dressed and is wearing shorts, she bends over and says "check if you can see my front bottom" 😂😂😂😂😂 we tell her no, your fine, can't see anything (we always make sure we buy shorts that aren't loose). Apart from the daily front bottom checks, it doesn't affect us in the slightest so for now, we just let her get on with it. It's her body, and her choice.

roking · 05/07/2020 08:58

@roking

My step daughter refuses any kind of underwear. She potty trained at 2.5 and has never worn underwear. We used to put them on and she would take them straight back off. We decided that just going with it, and accommodating it, was the best idea after taking her shopping one day in a sundress, not knowing she had removed her knickers before we left the house 😳😂

Her school insist on skirts 😳 when she was starting school there were many many discussions with her about having to wear knickers to school, we even tried telling her it was illegal not to wear knickers to school. She was still point blank refusing. luckily just before she was due to start school we found some skirts with cycling shorts built into them 🎉 🎉 and as they were from a tiny shop at the seaside when we were on holiday, we bought enough sizes to hopefully last her till she starts secondary school.

Hoping she becomes willing to wear knickers before puberty starts, because I really don't know how to deal with periods etc without underwear 🤔🤔

In the summer, every morning when she gets dressed and is wearing shorts, she bends over and says "check if you can see my front bottom" 😂😂😂😂😂 we tell her no, your fine, can't see anything (we always make sure we buy shorts that aren't loose). Apart from the daily front bottom checks, it doesn't affect us in the slightest so for now, we just let her get on with it. It's her body, and her choice.

Just to add. My step daughter has just turned 8
Emeraldshamrock · 05/07/2020 09:10

Hoping she becomes willing to wear knickers before puberty starts, because I really don't know how to deal with periods etc without underwear
Oh it is a bit of a nightmare the pad is more annoying than the underwear if sensory issues around underwear double trouble. I bought DD washable period pants as a compromise she is 11 with ASD.

Littlebyerockerboo · 05/07/2020 09:31

Period cup would be a good answer here, but im guessing she'll likely grow out of it by the time she is hitting puberty, the fear of blood being seen by peers will probably get her into wearing underwear. I love how you've just let her "be" and make her own choice re: clothing etc.
I

Handbagsatnoon · 05/07/2020 10:00

@therealkittyfane dear twin son as in Ds who is 9.

BwanaMakubwa · 05/07/2020 10:04

My dad is 77 and has never yet worn pants.

Pippapotomus · 05/07/2020 10:11

DD1 has always refused underwater. I've spent a fortune on different types and sizes, all gone unworn. (She also used to be uncomfortable with sock seams, and now has only a certain type and a specific type for school.)

She is now 15 and hasn't worn underwear since she was 2. She has football shorts for under her long school skirt and uses tampons anyway due to swimming club 6 days a week pre corona.

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