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Original poster

Ex not feeding 10 month old appropriately

43 replies

Oohoohfixitfelixoohooh · 02/07/2020 05:59

Hi everyone.

It has come to light that whilst ex has been having dd between 10-5, he has not been giving her formula or any water with her meals. As she is a late riser, she does not take a bottle until around 10 so this means she is going from 7pm the night before with no fluids. She has had a long running issue with severe constipation to the point her bum is bleeding and she is screaming whilst trying to go and I believe receiving no fluids for 7 hours, twice a week is a contributing factor. I have approached ex who does not believe he is doing anything wrong and pretty much stated I am trying to pin something on him for the courts benefit.

As he can't seem to grasp the importance of the issue I have advised access is to be shortened until the next hearing although, my solicitor has advised i could withold access altogether.

My question is, is there anyone out there that would contact ex on my behalf to explain her needs? I spoke to my doctors and they will only supply a letter for the court saying she is having tummy issues and as he ignores any contact from my solicitor, passing it on through her is pointless.

Would a health visitor be able to outline the reasons why a babies needs must be met or help to drill into his stupid head, her basic needs?

He is eventually going to be given every other weekend and the thought is absolutley terrifying me. Just for clarification DD has 3 7 oz bottles a day so as he has been missing them and not telling me, she has been having just 7oz a day. He is also filling her with finger foods and juice, instead of a breakfast and lunch as he thinks she is too small for proper meals.

OP posts:
BingeOnChocolate · 02/07/2020 07:12

Do you text to discuss issues or have a communication book in place at all? I would put in writing how it's impacting DD and if need be, he can reconfirm with HV or DR. Put in you're very concerned missing out these bottles and being inconsistent with meals is going to make her stomach issues worse and if it continues, you'll need to raise it in court as he's not put DD health and well-being first. The judge is all about your daughters health and well-being and if he can't ensure she is feeding correctly whatever contact he wants will be reconsidered especially of DD is going to be left in discomfort.

biggiebiggiebiggie · 02/07/2020 07:45

Thanks for your reply. Yeah I keep all contact between us in writing so proof can be given if needed. I will speak to the HV today and see if she can help.

dementedpixie · 02/07/2020 07:49

Can you not wake her slightly earlier so she can have her bottle before she goes with him. I wouldnt be sending her off in the morning with him without giving her a drink or food.

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dementedpixie · 02/07/2020 07:51

I would maybe also send a drinks bottle/cup with her with water in it

Tulipstulips · 02/07/2020 07:55

Obviously he’s in the wrong if he’s not giving her anything to drink all day - but you say he’s filling her up with juice? Juice isn’t great because if the sugar but it is fluid.

If you have to keep sending her to him, you need to wake her up earlier and give her a bottle before she goes. You shouldn’t have to, but you obviously need to.

Wyntersdiary · 02/07/2020 08:01

at 10 months old They need plenty of fluids as most of the nutrient babys get are fromo bottles an should be drinking milk until 2 years old or 12 months minimum but ideally 2 years.

I wouldnt be happy at my ex starving her, As for the constipation try fruit juice, pureed peas and prunes and maybe Movicol which you can get prescribed.

the fact your ex doesnt see anything wrong with not feeding a baby what a baby needs is worrying though and i wouldnt be rushing to send her again, and a babys bum bleeding is a serious issue and shouldnt be happening the poor baby.

okiedokieme · 02/07/2020 08:06

Yes he need to give her the afternoon bottle but you need to ensure she's had her breakfast bottle before pick up. From 10-5 is actually ok with food and juice (very watered down at that age) as long as she has bottles at breakfast, returning home and bed.

GreyishDays · 02/07/2020 08:11

Which is it, no fluids, or filled up with juice?

PopsicleHustler · 02/07/2020 08:14

So confusing. So he physically admitted he doesn't give her anything to drink all day whilst in his care, or he does and its juice only????
And do you mean actual fruit juice or squash?

dementedpixie · 02/07/2020 08:18

Juice is a fluid and finger foods are food. There's not a lot of time between 10 and 5 to fit in 2 bottles and 2 meals tbh. You need to give her milk and/or food before she leaves at 10am. He gives her snacks and a drink between 10 and 5 and then she can have her evening meal and other bottle at home

justtmee · 02/07/2020 08:24

If he's filling her up with juice then she is getting fluids. When you say finger foods what are you referring to? This could range from some complete rubbish to something quite healthy such a veg with a dip.
Obviously the main issue I should think is the fact she's used to 3 bottles and she isn't getting 2 of them on days she's with him, I'm surprised she's not cranky. I think you need to give a bottle before she goes. What happens if you send her with a bottle?

biggiebiggiebiggie · 02/07/2020 08:27

I have tried to wake her early for a bottle but it just unsettles her and she won't take bottle anyway. As he refuses to take her changing bag, I have no choice but to send her without it. I have even tried to put it in his car whilst he's strapping her i but it was taken out and dropped on the floor

biggiebiggiebiggie · 02/07/2020 08:29

@greyishdays sugary juice in my eyes isn't appropriate fluids, it is well known soft drinks and sweet juices are dehydrating in themselves.

mymadworld · 02/07/2020 08:33

Well I'd definitely be waking her early enough to get breakfast or a bottle down her before she went off and leave DH to feed her snacks/2nd bottle/finger food (which is absolutely fine at 10mths assuming it's not ridiculously unhealthy). He also doesn't need to take your changing bag and may well have his own and not wanting to be told how to parent his own child - your way isn't necessarily his way but it doesn't mean he's doing it wrong. Careful not let your feelings about this man cloud your judgment about his ability to parent.
Or, he could be leaving her in dirty nappies and not feeding her properly in which case you should discuss with a HV and absolutely look at reducing/curbing access.

tiredanddangerous · 02/07/2020 08:36

Juice is meant to be good for constipation isn’t it? It also counts as fluid.

tiredanddangerous · 02/07/2020 08:38

it is well known soft drinks and sweet juices are dehydrating in themselves

This is isn’t true.

drspouse · 02/07/2020 08:39

soft drinks and sweet juices are dehydrating in themselves.
They are bad for teeth but they are not dehydrating.

midnightstar66 · 02/07/2020 08:43

Of course he should be giving her fluid and some milk, but you need to wake her a little early and give her the 10am bottle 15 minutes early too.

VeggieSausageRoll · 02/07/2020 08:43

it is well known soft drinks and sweet juices are dehydrating in themselves

No they aren't Hmm

It seems to me, with respect, that you're trying to control what and how he parents. Yes he may give her juice and "finger foods" (which may be totally suitable, you don't say what they are), but it's his contact time, there's not much you can do. It's not like he's giving her no food and no fluids as your post initially makes out. Maybe his catering standards aren't as high as yours, but as long as she's not hungry and is having some sort of fluid, he's not really doing anything wrong.

Give her a bottle, or weetabix/porridge with formula and a cup of water before she goes (does she really sleep 7pm-10am and go straight out the door to his?) and then she can have whatever when she comes home (milk before bed etc).

Megan2018 · 02/07/2020 08:44

I wouldn’t allow my 10 month old to have juice, that alone would stop her going!

midnightstar66 · 02/07/2020 08:46

I have tried to wake her early for a bottle but it just unsettles her and she won't take bottle anyway.

She really won't take it even 15 minutes early? Surely no baby is on that strict a schedule by 10m?

midnightstar66 · 02/07/2020 08:47

I wouldn’t allow my 10 month old to have juice, that alone would stop her going!

That is your parenting choice. You cannot stop contact over opposing parenting choices unless they are a welfare issue. Seeing as juice is sold specifically for babies then it would be a hard one to justify to a judge

GreyishDays · 02/07/2020 08:51

[quote biggiebiggiebiggie]@greyishdays sugary juice in my eyes isn't appropriate fluids, it is well known soft drinks and sweet juices are dehydrating in themselves. [/quote]
Can you reference this?

ForeverBubblegum · 02/07/2020 09:01

I think you need to clarify what is meant by finger food. My DD (also 10m) has only ever had finger food, because we are doing baby led weaning, but she eats a healthy diet, probably better than her puree fed brother did. Could he actually be doing something similar?

Juice is not ideal due to the sugar, but from what I've seen at baby groups, lots of people do give babies diluted squish. As long as he's giving her a drink I think that falls under 'diferent parenting choice' not neglect.

Clearly you are struggling to form a good co-parenting relationship, is it possible your dislike of him is causing you to assume the worst of what could be ok parenting?

biggiebiggiebiggie · 02/07/2020 09:12

The finger foods I am referring to are of the pre-packed variety such as melty puffs and baby biscuits. We have gotten on as well as we ever have over the last few months so this is not about my issues with him. If it was, I would witholding access as advised by my solcitor instead of asking for help on how to deal with the issue.

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