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Original poster

Ex not feeding 10 month old appropriately

43 replies

Oohoohfixitfelixoohooh · 02/07/2020 05:59

Hi everyone.

It has come to light that whilst ex has been having dd between 10-5, he has not been giving her formula or any water with her meals. As she is a late riser, she does not take a bottle until around 10 so this means she is going from 7pm the night before with no fluids. She has had a long running issue with severe constipation to the point her bum is bleeding and she is screaming whilst trying to go and I believe receiving no fluids for 7 hours, twice a week is a contributing factor. I have approached ex who does not believe he is doing anything wrong and pretty much stated I am trying to pin something on him for the courts benefit.

As he can't seem to grasp the importance of the issue I have advised access is to be shortened until the next hearing although, my solicitor has advised i could withold access altogether.

My question is, is there anyone out there that would contact ex on my behalf to explain her needs? I spoke to my doctors and they will only supply a letter for the court saying she is having tummy issues and as he ignores any contact from my solicitor, passing it on through her is pointless.

Would a health visitor be able to outline the reasons why a babies needs must be met or help to drill into his stupid head, her basic needs?

He is eventually going to be given every other weekend and the thought is absolutley terrifying me. Just for clarification DD has 3 7 oz bottles a day so as he has been missing them and not telling me, she has been having just 7oz a day. He is also filling her with finger foods and juice, instead of a breakfast and lunch as he thinks she is too small for proper meals.

OP posts:

midnightstar66 · 02/07/2020 09:19

Again not ideal, but not a case of neglect to offer baby specific snacks to a 10 month old over the space of a day when she can have breakfast and dinner out with those times as well. Unless there's more to it I'm shocked a solicitor would advise withholding contact. The fact he's 'filling her up' with juice suggests he's not responsible for the constipation issue. My friend dd suffers and it was suggested she's having too much formula milk and was advised to give a little juice to help!

GreyishDays · 02/07/2020 09:24

Ok, those are more snacks than finger food, so the problem is that he’s not giving her enough food. Does he know he can give her adult food, like cream cheese on toast fingers? Would he find that easier than purées? That is rubbish if he’s not giving her milk or food.

biggiebiggiebiggie · 02/07/2020 09:24

So regardless of juice and finger foods, i am unreasonable for expecting dd to be given the adequate amount of formula as advised by the NHS?

The finger foods I should have made clear are pre-packed foods such as baby biscuits and strawberry melty puffs. Sorry, i should have clarified what I meant.

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biggiebiggiebiggie · 02/07/2020 09:29

He's been made aware various times regarding what she can eat and what she likes, I have even sent the list of foods she has tried so far and links advising how to cut foods appropriately for her. I have also sent guidelines and information on BLW and how much formula a baby should be given by age until weaning off forumla is complete.

midnightstar66 · 02/07/2020 09:31

At 10 months old missing one 7 oz bottle twice a week isn't going to be causing any harm. As I said it's not ideal but she's not getting no fluids as you said in the OP so this is very unlikely to be the cause of the constipation. Lots of 10 month olds mostly snack and although again these things aren't great they are actually specifically aimed at babies and she can still have meals at home. Give her the first bottle at 9.55 and he'll have to wait if she's not quite finished or chance his times to 10.15 - 5.15.

ForeverBubblegum · 02/07/2020 09:39

Could you suggest a food diary? Not in an accusational kind of way, more a 'let's both do this to try and work out if anything sets off her tummy trouble' maybe having to write it down will make him think about what she is having.

Also does he definitely know she doesn't have breakfast with you? By 10 mine would have had milk, solid breakfast, and possibly a snack (early rises). Between 10-5 DD has lunch plus one snack, she has milk as/when (breast feeding) but if she was with DH she would go 7 hours with just solids. Biscuits are baby crisps are obviously a crap lunch, but chuck in some toast and a banana and it's probably back into the (poor) parenting choice category.

Ohnoherewego62 · 02/07/2020 09:39

Would agree with changing the times he picks ber up.

Have you contacted HV about this?

Agree with PP- pear/apple puree, cooled boiled water, laculose. Up the dosage WITH GP guidance until she has passed it and go back to a lower dosage through the week.

NamechangeOnceMore · 02/07/2020 09:40

It sounds like you've spoken to your GP about this, if you asked for a letter for court and they refused to mention this and said they'd only mention tummy issues.

If your GP felt your ex was putting your child at risk, they'd have done a safeguarding referral. The fact that they haven't is your clue that what your ex is doing is probably a different style of parenting rather than neglect.

With all due respect to your solicitor, they're not medically qualified, so just because they think this is grounds to shorten contact, that doesn't mean it'll go your way in court.

I'm not sure what more you can do other than follow your solicitor's advice, and await your day in court.

dementedpixie · 02/07/2020 09:46

Nhs says that from 10-12 months formula fed babies would be on around 400mls which is about 13oz. Says to give a vitamin supplement of A,C and D if taking less than 500mls

justtmee · 02/07/2020 09:57

As pp said what he's doing at the moment isn't a welfare issue, it's just not ideal. As you're not happy phone your health visitor and pass on his phone number. Ask whether she can discuss weaning with him as he appears to be struggling with lunch ideas.
As a side note constipation can be very common in children even where diet is good. I'm surprised the gp hasn't prescribed anything.

VeggieSausageRoll · 02/07/2020 10:07

So regardless of juice and finger foods, i am unreasonable for expecting dd to be given the adequate amount of formula as advised by the NHS?

With respect, it seems like you're just looking for holes to pick in his parenting.

Strip it back.

Your primary concerns - not enough formula on his contact days and not sufficient meals.

Solution. Get her up and breakfasted before she goes. Offer formula in a bottle or as part of her breakfast if she won't drink it. Give her a proper meal when she gets home at 5pm and a bottle before bed.

The "guidance" on formula quantities is just that. If she's eating a balanced diet, I wouldn't be overly concerned. You can't force feed her milk if she doesn't want it. When she drops down to

PrincessForADay · 05/07/2020 20:35

I would get her up earlier & ensure she's having formula before he picks her up. Agree with PP who suggested you phrase the food diary as collaborative, include nappy changes & it may help pinpoint the constipation too

bluebluezoo · 05/07/2020 20:43

3 bottles is a lot for a 10m old. Mine were on am and pm feeds by 9m, and just bedtime by about 11m.

Does she sleep 7pm til 10am? That is a lot of sleep for a baby in one go...

Singinginshower · 05/07/2020 20:58

You could point him to the Start4life website which has nutritional advice for children.

What time is she going to bed OP? And does she sleep through? Some babies that wake in the night and have milk feeds are not interested in food in the morning
Just wondering if your routine was tweaked a bit, you may be able to get her to have breakfast and be reassured that she has gone off with a nutritious meal and drink inside her.

whiplashy · 05/07/2020 21:00

Juice isn’t dehydrating

YABU

Sailingblue · 05/07/2020 21:01

I was going to ask what time the baby is going to bed as 10am wake up is much later than anyone else I know or is that a wake up from a nap? He should really be feeding her a proper lunch. At 10m mine would have been on two naps, two bottles and 3 meals a day.

Embracelife · 05/07/2020 21:08

How do you know?
Does he tell you?
Does she return clean and happy?

ThickFast · 05/07/2020 21:09

Don’t know why everyone’s giving you a hard time. Yes, she may be getting enough food and milk in the day because she’s only there a few hours, but he does sound shit. Won’t give her proper food or her bottle. What’s his problem? What reason has he given? And why won’t he take the nappy bag? And what’s he going to do when he has her overnight? Feed her shit food all weekend?

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