When the in laws visit, they always want to go out somewhere!

[magicmarkerz]

With my family, both when we visit relatives or have had relatives come to visit us in the past, we wouldn't have ever thought of going out in the daytime. Mum might put on some lunch and we'd sit around in the lounge having a good catch up with copious tea or maybe even some wine. Perhaps the men went to the pub for an hour or two!

However, with my in laws, it's entirely different. If they come to see us, we always have to go out somewhere - out for a walk, to the park, to the shops! And if we go and see them, again, it's "let's go for a walk along the canal,' "let's pop into town."

I've also noticed that when their grandchildren visit, they never just stay at home and play together, they are always being whisked off to the museum, or a country house, or to the park!

Is this a sign of the times? Always having to be doing things and being active? What happened to just being content with visiting family in their home?

My PIL have your approach. It makes me want to gnaw my own limbs off in frustration. We're expected to arrive and then just sit in the living room for days on end while MIL makes 'the meal'. I used to make excuses to walk to the corner shop just to break the day up a bit. The upshot is we now rarely visit more than once a year, the kids can't take any more.

Just sitting in the house all day, any house, is soul destroying.

That sounds like entirely normal behaviour. I can’t imagine spending the day sitting in someone’s living room on a visit unless I was actually somehow incapacitated.

My in-laws are the exact opposite. We eat dinner, sit around in the kitchen, switch to the living room and sit around some more, waiting wait for them to predictably nod off. They bore me shitless and I rarely go anymore tbh.

We all live about 2 miles from each of our parents. Sometimes we go round from Sunday lunch or a visit for a cuppa and an hours chat. Sometimes they pop round mine. I like to go out with the family to the park, shopping, out for food or a coffee. Sitting around the house all day isn't my kind of fun xx

In laws sound great, no chance to get bored. Who wants to sit and chat all day? Not me

I'm with your In-laws. Sitting around the house all day would be tedious...

I appreciate it might be different with your own parents. I am definitely able to relax more with my own family in companionable silence if the conversation runs out but with my PIL no way.

I think it would be awful to be confined to the living room all day drinking tea. I would feel trapped and I'm not a fan of small talk stuck in a room like that. I would much prefer to be out walking or doing something and chatting and having fun.

Agree with pps that it's incredibly sexist for the men in your family to go to the pub whilst the women cook. Makes me feel a bit sick actually, especially when you seem to like that idea.

I would definitely relish the trips out, museums, walk along the canal, all sound much better than just sitting around. I mean if they were invited over for dinner or a bbq then it sounds like a staying in situation but if they’re coming over for a whole day or more I would definitely want to break up the day by doing something out and about. Sounds almost unanimous that YABU or at least different.

@magicmarkerz
Your inlaws sound normal. Your own family sound more old fashioned and traditional in their setup, down to the men going to the pub tbh.

Haha, I find visiting ILs always tiring as it’s so much hanging around (drinks, food, more drinks, tea, cake, next meal ), I live the food and chats but also feel claustrophobic and restless

I like to go out and do stuff, as it’s somehow less titing

I visit family and can’t bare to sit round drinking tea. I wanted the kids to run off some energy and get some fresh air.

Even with friends we arrange to do something unless popping in for a quick chat

I hate sitting around the house. Much prefer being outdoors, exploring new places, doing things, seeing things etc etc

We have the same. My family, just sit drinking tea and chatting, have lunch made by the hosts. DHs family, go for a walk, restaurant for lunch, country house etc. I'm not sure why!

They only come for a few hours!

Is this a sign of the times? Always having to be doing things and being active?

The opposite I'd have said. It's very traditional. I never once visited grandparents or other relatives as a child without going for an afternoon walk or doing some other activity. And that was really back in the day, the 70s - but we all still do nowadays if visiting friends or family.

Is this a sign of the times? Always having to be doing things and being active? What happened to just being content with visiting family in their home?

As distinct from when, a period women sat in their parlours entertaining visitors, immobilised by their crinolines? Is your daily life so exhausting, OP, that you find a walk or an outing so unpleasant, and hours of sitting in someone's living room so appealing?

Which do you prefer, @employeewoes?!

@PicsInRed

Your family sound stiflingly traditional OP.

How do you feel about the in-law women not "hosting" in the home?

It's not about who hosts, it's usually that if I've travelled to see someone in my free time I don't then want to traipse around the shops/ the park / the canal towpath for the sake of it!

I think the most surprising thing in this thread is everyone who says they've run out of conversation after an hour or so. What, with your own family?? That seems bizarre to me...

I'd much prefer to be out and about than stuck inside drinking tea..

@magicmarkerz

I think the most surprising thing in this thread is everyone who says they've run out of conversation after an hour or so. What, with your own family?? That seems bizarre to me...

It's not your relations though, it's your in-laws. I love my mil but I just don't have enough in common with her to sustain a conversation for a whole afternoon without help just sat down drinking tea. We can go to a historic house or out for lunch and a wander or take the boys to the beach and there's a whole set of outside influences to help both of us.

I can't think of anything worst than sitting all afternoon doing nothing so whilst I would never impose any outing on my host, I am completely with your in-laws.

Taking the kids out sound very nice and the best option.

Thinking about it, I don't think we ever had friends staying over and not take them out for most of the time. It sounds rude to just keep them inside or in the garden for the entire weekend. (I realise it might not be rude, but it doesn't feel right)

I haven't really thought about this before, but in my family, we always go out for the afternoon when someone visits. We still chat on, but do it while out for a walk or visiting somewhere. We love a good tea room also. I think it is just different traditions in different families rather than a right or wrong way of doing it.

I think it's quite normal. When our DC were younger and we went to see IL's we'd usually go to the park or for a walk for a while. We never used to just sit in the house. We didn't when I was a kid in the 70s either.

I've never thought about this, but both families are sitting-in, hanging-out types unless we've specifically made a plan to go out somewhere. With my family we'll pop out to walk the dog, but then it's a cuppa and a chat. And partner's side is very much hanging out inside (even when it's lovely weather to be in the garden!). Saying that, we will (pre-COVID) meet up for mornings/afternoons out, so that usually breaks up the house visits.