6 days post birth

[tellmesomethingreal]

Please help
I'm 6 days past partum and am not coping. My husband is doing everything for our 3 year old and he's trying to look after me and baby but I'm just such a mess. I can't stop crying, can't stop thinking I've made a massive mistake. Everyone keeps telling me to ring midwife or health visitor but they told me to call 111 who told me to call GP who told me they'd call back on Monday.
I just want to run away. I'm in pain from giving birth, my vagina hurts like cystitis pain and so sitting is agony, I'm trying to breastfeed but my boobs are swollen rocks and I genuinely feel like death

Please phone your GP initially to tell them about your physical symptoms. You could have a vaginal infection...or if you had stitches there could be a problem there. Also maybe mastitis. I had both of these in the first week after birth of DD1 and I felt really ill and needed antibiotics. It was a horrible time. This is also the typical time for ‘baby blues’, which may improve but if not again you need to seek help from the GP in case of PND.

You poor thing. It will get better. As Wotrewelookinat says you need to speak to a GP about your physical symptoms as maybe you have an infection or mastitis. Do you have a temperature?

Drink lots of fluids and rest, rest, rest as much as you can. Urgent GP appointment on Monday to discuss your mood.

I have antibiotics as they thought I had a UTI so I'm on those. I feel like I've failed my daughter as she's jealous and miserable and I have no joy in my baby. I want to be happy

Phone the hospital ward you were discharged from - or birthing centre

• most will look after women for first 15 days -

It may say on your notes who to call - but just call even labour ward who will redirect you - I was admitted via that route 5 days post birth - high blood pressure/general awfulness & needed a check for post eclampsia.

Please call - & congratulations on your baby -

Oh god you poor love. Please call your GP, you may well have mastitis on top of all the other shitloads of post pregnancy hormones raging through your ravaged body.
You haven't made a massive mistake, your daughter isn't miserable. What you are feeling is completely normal and will pass. Take deep breaths, try to rest, let your husband look after you and stop beating yourself up. Oh, and I meant it about the GP. First thing Monday.

What do I say? I want to be dead? I regret everything? It's too much and I'm scared of being alive?

Are you still under the care of the midwives? If so give them a call and request a home visit then they can check your stitches etc
Personally I think postpartum the second time around is supremely shit, it does get better, but those first few weeks are just thankless graft
Be kind to yourself

And yes if you feel like you wish you were dead then tell them exactly that-you won't be the first and there won't be any judgement I promise

Bless you, I remember feeling very similar after both of mine and I know how awful it is. Just keep telling yourself ‘this too shall pass’. The physical and emotional upheaval of giving birth, being sleep deprived and trying to be all things to all people is a huge pressure and it is not suprising you are feeling as you do. Don’t add the pressure to ‘be happy’ to your list - it will come. This isn’t a reflection on your love for your baby or capabilities as a mother. Feeling ‘hashtag blessed’ is not realistic 24/7, and looking at it objectively, being tired, in pain, on antibiotics, bleeding, possibly having a uti and sore engorged boobs it is no wonder you are feeling tearful and low. And add to that the hormones...you get the picture. Concentrate now on getting physically stronger and the rest will come. As an aside, high dose broad spectrum antibiotics always make me feel really low in mood for some reason so that may be playing a part too.

How is your baby doing feed / weight gain / nappies output wise? That may give some clues as to what is happening to cause your painful engorged breasts and there are lots of very wise people on here who can help unpick that for you and help to advise.

Yes say that, be explicit. It won’t be the first time they have heard it and they won’t judge you for a second. This may be pnd or not, but they will be able to assess that and help you. Have you told your husband how you are feeling?

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, but you need urgent medical help. It might be post partum psychosis. Get your husband to phone the labour ward and get a midwife out. Please.

I've told husband and he said I was the same with our daughter and it passed. At his 5 day check yesterday he hadn't lost any weight from birth so that's positive and lots of dirty nappies

That's not just positive that's amazing. Please do speak to someone and yes tell them exactly how you feel. It's probably just baby blues but if it isn't it would help to have someone aware of the situation to check in on you.

The older children are always jealous and miserable at first. One of mine weed on her sisters sling. The middle one didn’t speak to me for ages when her siblings came. They adore each other now. It’s tough for your big DD at the moment but she will get over it and she will always have a play mate. You have given her an incredible gift. It’s you I am worried about. Agree with everyone else you should call your midwife. Or get your DH to call? It’s brilliant your DS is doing well but you need looking after too.

Please contact the postnatal ward or midwives, and if you are feeling like you wish you were dead please tell them that and don't be embarrassed about feeling that way, they'll have heard it before and know how to try deal with it.
I wouldn't leave it till Monday, call someone tonight.

Please call the midwife unit. I have suffered from PND and it is awful but also really treatable x

I'm scared of telling them, I tried and told them I was low and miserable but they just say it's normal and within 10 days I'll be fine so maybe I will? I don't remember how long it lasts

Will my daughter love me after this? People with two or more, did the relationship with your first work out ok?

She will love you because you have given her a priceless gift - the gift of a sibling to share memories, adventures, mischief and a whole childhood of experiences with. And because you have also given her the gift of 3 years of love and nurture and care and attention - the arrival of a new sibling does not erase that nor could it ever.

I think you need to be more explicit with the midwives. Call them back and say exactly what you’ve said here. There is feeling low after birth but wishing you are dead is not normal, please call them back.

Your daughter absolutely will still love you! I was convinced I’d ruined ds1’s life after ds2 was born. He’s 3 now and yesterday I overheard him talking to the baby (aged 1) ‘I love you so much ds2, mummy grew you in her tummy for me’. It might not feel like it in the beginning but the gift of a sibling is an amazing thing. I felt so sad for him at first and like our bond would never be the same again but I used the time ds2 was sleeping to play with him and that made me feel better, like it used to be. It will be fine. Millions and millions of children get younger siblings and struggle to adapt at first but their bond with their parents remains as strong. It’s normal for them to act out at first but she will be ok.

Oh OP I was in the same position only 5 months ago. Day 4-6 I quite literally couldn’t stop crying and had wobbles for a few weeks that I’d ruined my/my daughters lives. My family and DH were very supportive and I can honestly say 5 months down the line DD absolutely loves her sibling and our relationship is as strong as ever. Even more so as we sometimes bond over moaning about the baby crying 😂 it WILL get better you WILL get through this it’s an unbelievably tough time to have a baby at the moment be kind to yourself. Get all the support your can.

It really helps hearing that others have gone through this. I've obviously blocked it all from my mind from daughters birth so it feels new and awful.
I keep thinking if just one thing would improve; no vagina pain, no boob pain, no tiredness, no guilt around daughter, no low mood etc I could cope!

Family member is coming over tomorrow to help out with daughter for a few hours and think we might introduce a bottle so I can get a few hours rest

I was you. I felt this way for 20 months. I wouldn't ask for help and I was too scared. Please talk to your Post natal ward, your GP or Mid wife.

There is loads of support and help available the hardest part is asking for help.

I wish I had asked for help. I suffered for 20 months. It broke me and almost broke my marriage.

It gets better

I felt as you have described, it was the hardest time of my life and I feel for you so much as it's horrific going through it.

I spoke to the GP at 6 weeks (I wish I had done sooner) and started on medication for PND. After 6 months I came off it and have never looked back (DD is nearly 3).

The fact you can't easily access your GP is really unfair, but persevere if you can and tell them how you feel.

I know it doesn't feel like it but it honestly does get so much better. I love every day now but at that time felt the same as you, that I had made a mistake, that my life would never be the same again and that I couldn't cope.

Please keep posting here if you find it helpful. Many of us have been through it and come out the other side.

I'm scared of telling them, I tried and told them I was low and miserable but they just say it's normal and within 10 days I'll be fine so maybe I will? I don't remember how long it lasts

They say that for two weeks it can be the baby blues and hopefully it will pass really soon, but sometimes it doesn't and that's ok too. Help is there and no one will judge you.

OP I gave birth to my second in Feb and whilst I don't think I felt quite as low as you're describing, I found it really tough, physically and mentally. Everything hurt and I really struggled with my DD1 (2yr 9 month) and the first few weeks were difficult for our relationship and I too worried what the future held.
DS is now 4 months and things are so much easier. She adores her brother and I often walk into the room to find her crouched down beside his bouncer chatting away to him and making him laugh. It's so tough at first but it won't belong before your two are best friends.
Please take the advice that others have said - take each day one at a time. Remember from your first birth, it takes a few weeks (at least) to physically feel better. Your body has undergone a massive ordeal! Take care of yourself