6 days post birth

[tellmesomethingreal]

Please help
I'm 6 days past partum and am not coping. My husband is doing everything for our 3 year old and he's trying to look after me and baby but I'm just such a mess. I can't stop crying, can't stop thinking I've made a massive mistake. Everyone keeps telling me to ring midwife or health visitor but they told me to call 111 who told me to call GP who told me they'd call back on Monday.
I just want to run away. I'm in pain from giving birth, my vagina hurts like cystitis pain and so sitting is agony, I'm trying to breastfeed but my boobs are swollen rocks and I genuinely feel like death

Everyone here is wonderful thank you so much

What do I say? I want to be dead? I regret everything? It's too much and I'm scared of being alive?

Yes. Say this.

If you can’t get hold of midwives please phone 111 and they’ll send the MH team out. Please be honest with them and take the help.

Don’t put on a brave face. Tell them.

You’re doing great. Switch to formula and take the pressure of yourself to breast feed, it’s not mandatory.

Oh, you wee love. It is so hard when you feel so down, it sounds like your DH recognises how you feel which is great.
You'll maybe get some stick for suggesting a bottle, I was really similar to you with DS3, and honestly introducing a bottle was THE best thing I did for me. I felt I actually had some time to me, even to have a decent bath, which made me cope so much better.
I also had more time for my other DC if someone else fed the baby.

Your eldest won't remember this time and she will look back on her childhood with utter joy. This is a brief sneeze of time and you had a baby WITH your DH for a reason. Let him do the lion's share without a moment's worry about your relationship with your big girl. This is brand new.

It will get better. It will it will it will. I promise.

My big brother refused to speak to my mother for 2 weeks when I came home apparently. After two weeks, he demanded that I be put back. We're 42 and 39 respectively and he's the best man and one of my favourite people. He freely admits that I was actually the best gift ever. A lifelong sibling and friend. A rocky start didn't change that.

You don't regret your new baby. You regret the hard bits. You didn't choose them. Nobody does. You get through them and then oh my goodness me, you get the bit you did choose. When you see your baby boy in peals of laughter because his big sister is pulling faces at him, you'll be getting the best bits.

I really feel for you. It's normal and it's temporary. Day 6 is hard. Talk to your midwife, health visitor, GP, husband, family, friends. No shame at all. Accept every second of help.

@tellmesomethingreal it gets better. I only have one child but I suffered horribly from PND. On Christmas Day I got in my car and drove off. I didn't think I'd ever be coming back. I've never felt like that before in my life. I ended up being prescribed anti depressants and they were the right thing for me. I think I've blocked some of it out because it was to horrible to deal with. You shouldn't be expected to do this alone, please make sure you reach out.

You must tell them or ask DH to ? There's help there. Second birth was way harder for me and I felt like my insides were falling out and so fed up. BUT I spoke to someone and had a hand hold to get me through and you can too. A telephone appointment should be possible. Sending love. It will get better

Feeling low is common. Feeling like you want to die seems more like something that needs some help to treat. I also felt like I had made the most awful mistake ( with my second, and then years later with my third!) while experiencing PND. And as soon as I felt better through treatment I felt no regret and could see that it was not really a rational thought. And my two older children begged us for a third. And they both love him to bits. You've given your daughter a gift.

What do I say? I want to be dead? I regret everything? It's too much and I'm scared of being alive?

It's a really good start to say that if that is how you feel and think. It's good that you can put ypur feelings into words. I used to be a company doctors secretary (but not in the UK). You'd be surprised how often we have heard people say things like this. The more open you are, the more easy it will be to find the appropriate help for you.

Oh @tellmesomethingreal I've got no more advice just wanted to send you a virtual hug
Your midwives really shouldn't be fobbing you off. Can you give your local breastfeeding support line a call in the morning? They can obviously advise about the feeding aspect but will also be great listeners and can signpost you

It's shit, and hopefully will ease but like others have said you need to be truthful to get help - I know it feels embarrassing/makes you feel like crap but if they know how awful you're feeling they're more likely to sit up and listen. I'd say a definite yes to a bottle - in my PND haze with DD2 I didn't try until she was about 12 weeks old and she point blank refused until nearly 9 months. If that one bottle a day gives you a bit more rest then do it. I hope you start to feel better soon

How are you feeling today OP?

I think days 3-7 for me were fucking awful with my first. And I was really happy to have him, but I was out of my mind with tiredness, in pain, terrified, lonely, and unable to express how I feel.
I think it’s important you share how you feel with your husband and HV/midwife, particularly if this doesn’t start to improve in the next day or so/with a bit more sleep.
Thinking of you x

I'm really blue still, day 7. It should start easing right? Friend said her worst day was 8, a few others have said first few so I guess it's personal and subjective.
I can't sleep even though I'm exhausted which is crap. I'm trying to just 'enjoy' the rest but I'm kind of counting down until I need to get up

I remember that period of not being able to sleep which is horrible when you are so tired.

I think trying to get a bit of normality helps. Even if its just a drive in the car, going out for a bit helps. Also getting cosy and comfortable with something good to watch on TV as distraction.

It will get better OP. It's your hormones adjusting. It takes a while.

Also make sure you are taking paracetamol for the pain.

[Flowers]

Did you manage to speak to the postnatal ward or midwives yet? Try call them today if you haven't already

I've got a gp appointment tomorrow and midwife appointment on Tuesday so I'll talk through and be really honest about everything. what can they offer? medication?

I remember feeling like that, couldn’t stop crying, partly due to badly managed pain. Do take paracetamol and speak to your gp about what stronger pain relief you can have while breastfeeding if paracetamol isn’t helping. If your vagina still hurts /your uti isn’t going away you might need stronger antibiotics so do check that too.

Do your breasts still feel painful? Try a hot shower, and do contact breastfeeding support. It’s fantastic that your baby hadn’t lost any weight, but they might be able to suggest things that will help you feel more comfortable.

Your 3 yo won’t remember this, but will remember all the wonderful times they’ll have with their sibling.

Absolutely tell your midwife/gp exactly how you feel. Unless they know they can’t help. Be as honest as you can. At least in my part of the country I’ve found post and peri natal mental heath care is really good. PND is very common and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You might feel better in a few days, but don’t let that possibility stop you from seeking help to make you feel better now.

What they offer depends where you are, after my last birth I had 1-1 counselling, group cbt, offered antidepressants, regular phone call checkups, online support and cbt.

They’ll take into account what you think will help, so if you’re not keen on medication but happy to try something else or vice versa tell them. They’ll want to find what works for you.

I called delivery suite, they said it was normal and to tell midwife on Tuesday. I said I was really struggling so they said they'd try and get postnatal team to call me today

I feel awful. So low so sad so hopeless and joyless and soulless

@tellmesomethingreal call 111. Don't let them fob you off.

Don't be fobbed off. Call 111 ask for the Mental Health Crisis team. They will help you tonight.

Oh love, it's so hard, I remember on day 5 just wandering around the house crying for pretty much the whole day! You're so tired, everything hurts, it's all so very strange, I remember it well.

You will come through this, it will be fine, but great that you've sought help, it's exactly the right thing to do, tell them exactly what you've told us here. I hope your much much better very soon.

I called delivery suite, they said it was normal and to tell midwife on Tuesday. I said I was really struggling so they said they'd try and get postnatal team to call me today

Were you honest with them and told them you feel so low you want to be dead? I know it's hard, but call them back and tell them your exact words you've used here, if they still won't listen call 111 and ask for the mental health crisis team as someone else has suggested. Don't leave it till Monday or Tuesday.