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Original poster

Incident at the pond

89 replies

dandelionsticks · 27/06/2020 16:43

Posting this as it's playing on my mind so wanted to share.

Took the kids to a large pond near us which we visit frequently. The pond is huge so plenty of space, never issues with crowding and plenty of ducks, moorhens and wildlife for everyone to enjoy. We brought oats to feed the ducks and swans. They came over to feed and it was really lovely. A lady came up and asked us to move away so she could take a photo of the swans (that were only there as they were eating the oats we were feeding them). We only had a handful of oats left so I asked politely if she could wait less than a minute and we'd be done. She said no, we had to move. I asked why. She said that it was dangerous as people were congregating around us to watch us feed the swans and due to Coronavirus it wasn't safe so we should move. I looked around. There was only one couple watching us feed the swans and the were about 4 metres away. This lady was stood about a metre away and wearing a face mask. I asked where the people were. She then said "Okay, not now but they WILL congregate if you stay here as you are attracting attention by feeding the swans. But I'm concerned about the safety of your children. You should move them away now before people congregate around you." I look around. Nobody is congregating. The pond is huge and people are walking past finding their own spots. I say that we're almost done and can she give us a minute then she can take her photos. She then responds: "I would like you to move now. For the safety of your children because I have the flu." My kids are young but old enough to know about Covid and worry about being ill. Whilst I'm fairly sure she's just saying this to force us to move, I didn't want the situation to escalate. At this point, I was worried she'd remove her mask and deliberately cough on us to force us to move away.

So the kids and I moved away. I felt bullied and forced into moving for no reason other than this lady wanting to stand where we were to take a photo of the swans eating the oats we had fed them. We moved several metres away. Watched as she took her photos. Then she walked off. The couple who had witnessed the entire exchange looked at me and said "She's mad", I think, in an effort to make me feel a bit better.

I know it's only one person feeling entitled and being unreasonable. I know most people would never be so rude. What is playing on my mind is whether this is now a thing. For people to pretend to be sick or to threaten to spread germs, in order to get their way. There was an incident in London where a TFL worker caught Covid when someone intentionally coughed on her. Sadly, she did get it and later died. There was a recent incident in the news about a lady who removed her mask and appeared to cough intentionally at a baby in a pram allegedly because she felt the mother had stood too close to her. I'm not white by the way.

OP posts:

Cotswoldmama · 27/06/2020 17:54

I honestly would have said very loudly so everyone could hear 'of yours having symptoms you should now have left your house! Go home and stop putting people at risk!' I think sometimes people need to be called out on their rudeness, it fact always should be!

MistyMinge2 · 27/06/2020 17:57

She sounds nuts. I'd have probably got angry and told her to fuck off, which I know is frowned upon on here, but she would of deserved it.

IncrediblySadToo · 27/06/2020 17:58

'NO the only crowding is being done by you, now BACK OFF! MY children will continue to be fine, if YOU stop crowding us. Take your germs home and isolate' 'snap photo'

Try to let it go....

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine · 27/06/2020 17:59

She was very much in the wrong!

sounds loopy

i coughed walking up the high street and the girl nearby jumped out of her skin

Carolbaskinstiger · 27/06/2020 18:02

We have a mad duck lady in our area. It’s like they want to have control of the pond! Sorry you have a bad experience.

Redtartanshoes · 27/06/2020 18:03

I’d have pushed her in the pond ☺️

florascotia2 · 27/06/2020 18:07

Spudlet As I'm sure you know, but others might not, the RSPB agrees with you. Very useful guidance for all kinds of birds here:
www.rspb.org.uk/birds-and-wildlife/advice/how-you-can-help-birds/feeding-birds/safe-food-for-birds/

SixesAndEights · 27/06/2020 18:08

I'd heard about frozen peas.

OP - the woman was ridiculous. I'd have taken her photo and told her I was reporting her for anti social behaviour.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 27/06/2020 18:09

You were right and she shouldn't be out spreading flu!
Why did you say 'I'm not white btw'?
Genuine question, I totally can't see the relevance.

SmileyClare · 27/06/2020 18:11

I think in your shoes if I was only planning to stay "another minute" I wouldn't have bothered to get into an argument with her.

I expect she was mentally unwell. Let's remember the lockdown has caused or exacerbated mental health issues, paranoia and health anxiety in many people. She was certainly behaving very oddly.

Is there any point trying to reason with a person like this? Hopefully the posters saying you should have given her both barrels..told her to fuck off are joking Why escalate the situation with aggression? Especially with your dc there.

florascotia2 · 27/06/2020 18:12

OP So very sorry that this happened. Even worse if you feel that it was related to your heritage. Teaching children to admire and respect wildlife is an excellent thing.

FWIW, some of the very, very earliest humans to inhabit the British Isles were Black, as this link from the Natural History Musem clearly shows www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/cheddar-man-mesolithic-britain-blue-eyed-boy.html

Onthedancefloor · 27/06/2020 18:16

@GreyGardens88

It's well known you shouldn't be feeding the birds in the park. It's not good for them

This is incorrect on many levels. When people were told that feeding bread to birds in parks is bad for them, many starved, as it was their main food source. A solely bread based diet isn't ideal for many birds, as it fills them up but doesn't cover all their nutitional requirements, which is why people are asked to feed them with other food stuffs too, like the porridge oats that the OP mentioned.

I'm on the Friends group of a local park and this has been something of a bone of contention. Feeding the ducks is a simple pleasure and given that they are living in an artificial environment, there is little natural food for them to scavenge. We provide bags of mixed bird seed for visitors and ask that people only feed small amounts of bread (and that they don't leave mouldy bread or large quantities that will go mouldy as this is toxic to some animals). Crushed biscuits, frozen peas and breakfast cereals are other good options, if you enjoy feeding the ducks.

Hobbes8 · 27/06/2020 18:27

I totally disagree with the posters who say your skin colour had nothing to do with it. Nothing to do with someone thinking they had power over you in a public space and that their wants/needs trumped yours? I’m sorry that happened to you. Im sure it’s not the only example where you have felt you needed to modify your behaviour to prevent a situation from escalating. I’m sure that when taken individually each situation could have been dismissed as nothing to do with race, but collectively it’s hard to ignore. I hope things change.

CucumberTree · 27/06/2020 18:34

She is a horrible person and you acted and said the right things. Of course you would have behaved differently if your kids weren’t there, but you were also trying to protect them and de-escalate the situation. The onlookers thought that too.

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 27/06/2020 18:34

@YaWeeSkitter

I think the bystander who said the lady was 'mad' was probably correct. Perhaps she is well known in the area for having anti social behaviour. It didnt actually impinge on you to move away this time so you were the bigger person. Obviously for her it was something she had fixated on for reasons unknown. I dont think your skin colour had anything to do with it .

Could be this -some wouldn't say mad, some would say mental health issues or a bit strange. Move over and explain some people do this. IT's ok to stand up for yourself but I find it usually makes a bad taste in the mouth

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 27/06/2020 18:34

@Ellmau

Awful woman, but she was probably lying about actually being unwell.

The TFL incident you mention, I think they found the cougher, and he wasn't actually infected himself, so the unfortunate lady got it somewhere else.

tragic TFL worker

SockYarn · 27/06/2020 18:38

Nah, nothing to do with the colour of your skin. She wanted to take photos of the swans. You were an inconvenience and in the way, she told you to move and you didn't. (Quite rightly too). So she used the best tactic she could think of to get you to shift - threatening to give you Covid19.

Quite clearly unhinged.

itsgettingweird · 27/06/2020 18:39

You should have pushed her in the pond

Only half joking

itsgettingweird · 27/06/2020 18:42

And she was clearly unhinged.

You did the right thing moving away despite her thinking she the right to tell you "you must move on" - sometimes letting others win makes you the winner.

LaurieFairyCake · 27/06/2020 18:44

I'd have probably pushed her in the pond too or told her to getifer

HorseradishSnowflake · 27/06/2020 18:46

As pp have said, I think you handled it really well. It's bound to play on your mind as she was horrible. We can't know if she would have spoken the same way to a white person, so I'm not sure why some posters can state it was "nothing to do with the colour of your skin"! I hope her rudeness doesn't bother you for much longer. The couple that witnessed this obviously thought she was in the wrong too.

DuckonaBike · 27/06/2020 18:46

She was clearly mad, so try not to let it upset you.

And yes, oats are a great thing to feed to waterfowl. They also love digestive biscuits.

Foxesinsockses · 27/06/2020 18:49

Just adding to the chorus saying I'm sorry this happened to you, it sounds awful and I'm not at all surprised it's left you feeling a bit unsettled. No decent advice, except clearly you have done nothing to merit this kinda crazy coming at you, and I hope your kids are okay about it now. 'Some people are strange' and a shrug, would be my way of explaining it to the children (if I could manage that through my own anger and bafflement). In a few days/weeks it'll be 'mad swan lady incident', you'll laugh about it honestly you will. Hope you have a nice weekend.

Alsohuman · 27/06/2020 18:51

@Lorddenning1

I'd of thrown the fucker in the pond

Why do people write this shit? Of course you wouldn’t.

Lovemusic33 · 27/06/2020 18:54

Unless she owns the pond I would have told her to fuck off. None of her business what you were doing or what others were doing,

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