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Original poster

Incident at the pond

89 replies

dandelionsticks · 27/06/2020 16:43

Posting this as it's playing on my mind so wanted to share.

Took the kids to a large pond near us which we visit frequently. The pond is huge so plenty of space, never issues with crowding and plenty of ducks, moorhens and wildlife for everyone to enjoy. We brought oats to feed the ducks and swans. They came over to feed and it was really lovely. A lady came up and asked us to move away so she could take a photo of the swans (that were only there as they were eating the oats we were feeding them). We only had a handful of oats left so I asked politely if she could wait less than a minute and we'd be done. She said no, we had to move. I asked why. She said that it was dangerous as people were congregating around us to watch us feed the swans and due to Coronavirus it wasn't safe so we should move. I looked around. There was only one couple watching us feed the swans and the were about 4 metres away. This lady was stood about a metre away and wearing a face mask. I asked where the people were. She then said "Okay, not now but they WILL congregate if you stay here as you are attracting attention by feeding the swans. But I'm concerned about the safety of your children. You should move them away now before people congregate around you." I look around. Nobody is congregating. The pond is huge and people are walking past finding their own spots. I say that we're almost done and can she give us a minute then she can take her photos. She then responds: "I would like you to move now. For the safety of your children because I have the flu." My kids are young but old enough to know about Covid and worry about being ill. Whilst I'm fairly sure she's just saying this to force us to move, I didn't want the situation to escalate. At this point, I was worried she'd remove her mask and deliberately cough on us to force us to move away.

So the kids and I moved away. I felt bullied and forced into moving for no reason other than this lady wanting to stand where we were to take a photo of the swans eating the oats we had fed them. We moved several metres away. Watched as she took her photos. Then she walked off. The couple who had witnessed the entire exchange looked at me and said "She's mad", I think, in an effort to make me feel a bit better.

I know it's only one person feeling entitled and being unreasonable. I know most people would never be so rude. What is playing on my mind is whether this is now a thing. For people to pretend to be sick or to threaten to spread germs, in order to get their way. There was an incident in London where a TFL worker caught Covid when someone intentionally coughed on her. Sadly, she did get it and later died. There was a recent incident in the news about a lady who removed her mask and appeared to cough intentionally at a baby in a pram allegedly because she felt the mother had stood too close to her. I'm not white by the way.

OP posts:
Louise91417 · 27/06/2020 17:28

I would have found it very hard to refrain from chucking her in the pondGrin

RunningOnMusic · 27/06/2020 17:31

Don't think about it any more. She sounds nuts.

JuanitaJuanita · 27/06/2020 17:31

Your reply to "I think I have the flu" should have been WELL YOU SHOULD BE ISOLATING THEN!
I think it's well enough documented that people showing any cough, cold or flu symptoms need to isolate for 14 days! The bloody adverts are irritatingly often enough.

Nancydrawn · 27/06/2020 17:32

I'm really sorry this happened, OP, and that it made you question a lot of things.

Fwiw, deescalation with people like this is often the best call. It's not being a wimp, it's deciding that this person is clearly not operating with full rationality and any attempt to act rationally with her will not end well.

You stood up for yourself and were clear and firm, but you also made the really sensible decision not to engage with someone who was behaving really oddly.

TiddlestheCat · 27/06/2020 17:32

She sounds utterly unhinged. I would have walked away though, with the rest of the oats and started feeding them further away from her!! Did you not point out the bleeding obvious, being that she was the one congregating and that, if she had flu, she should be isolating.

mcmooberry · 27/06/2020 17:33

She sounds absolutely vile but I can be sure that if I had encountered her the red mist would have come down and I would have let her have it, both barrels. Sorry she spoiled your day but you behaved very well and can be happy with yourself for that.

TiddlestheCat · 27/06/2020 17:34

Also, her saying that she was worried about your kids whilst saying that she had flu and trying to get close to you? And what adult is that desperate to take a photo of a swan?? Clearly unhinged.

Whoopsmahoot · 27/06/2020 17:35

Woman was a nutter. 🙄

Ellmau · 27/06/2020 17:36

Awful woman, but she was probably lying about actually being unwell.

The TFL incident you mention, I think they found the cougher, and he wasn't actually infected himself, so the unfortunate lady got it somewhere else.

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 27/06/2020 17:36

Mad bint. She should be indoors isolating if she is unwell, facemask or not.

jessstan2 · 27/06/2020 17:36

She sounds weird.

Oldraver · 27/06/2020 17:37

I honestly think this whole situation is making some people even more nasty than they usually are.

I haven't been out much but had to make a motorway journey and called at the services, very few people there and totally set up for distancing marks on the floor you cant ignore etc

I stood in a queue, one person in front of me and one at the counter and became aware of someone coming and standing right behind me. When I moved forward thought she would stay where she was but no she moved onto my line and was so close I could feel her breth on my neck

I did say excuse me and waved her back, she was on the phone and I dint wnat to interrupt too much. She just went off into an almighty tirade...Why dont you talk to my face, who do you think you are waving at me, who do you think you are telling me what to do, you dont get to tell me what to do. Then started ranting down the phone about the 'bitch' waving at her and telling her what to do

I was off getting my sausage roll while the second rant was going off

Dowser · 27/06/2020 17:38

Remember ’ no is a complete sentence

I’m so sorry she was a nasty fucker

AllStartedWithUSA · 27/06/2020 17:42

@dandelionsticks that’s quite sad that you have to internally question whether you'd have been abused by this woman if you were white or a man. Worlds still sucks that you have to even wonder that. In this case I do thing she’s have targeted anyone (hmmm maybe not a man tbf but def a lone mum and children) as she sounds unhinged x

I think you handled it great. As others have also said deescalation is actually the most powerful tool you have sometimes.

feelingverylazytoday · 27/06/2020 17:42

@derxa

Do swans eat oats?
Yes, in fact it's better for them than bread.
AuntMasha · 27/06/2020 17:42

My husband was shouted at and had his hat knocked off last week by a woman who said he was stealing her space (he was seated on a public bench). It quite upset him.

It’s not you OP, it’s her, but I entirely understand why it unsettled you. She sounds utterly batshit.

derxa · 27/06/2020 17:45

Yes, in fact it's better for them than bread. I suspect they shouldn't be eating either oats or bread.

NKFell · 27/06/2020 17:47

Stop thinking about it OP, or at least try. You've done nothing wrong and you didn't back down to a bully you just didn't let a situation escalate because you're reasonable.

She's rude and weird, I would have done exactly the same thing as you.

WendyHoused · 27/06/2020 17:48

Sorry she was rude to you. Her behaviour was very odd

Ori37 · 27/06/2020 17:50

You handled it well in front of your kids. They saw you act with dignity & reserve. You gave them a good lesson. Well done x

GreyGardens88 · 27/06/2020 17:51

It's well known you shouldn't be feeding the birds in the park. It's not good for them

Saladmakesmesad · 27/06/2020 17:53

I’m so sorry, OP. I’d have done the same as you and then dwelled in it too. Unfortunately there are some strange and unpleasant people in this world. I saw an old lady in a face mask getting yelled at by another woman for politely standing back to let her past rather than walking too close to another in the supermarket this week. Apparently she was ‘stupid standing there waiting like an idiot’. I locked eyes with the old lady and said ‘ignore her, she’s just a rude woman’ once the First Lady had gone. All of us white.

Saladmakesmesad · 27/06/2020 17:53

Oops, I don’t know why my phone capitalised First Lady. It wasn’t Melania Trump.

sausagepastapot · 27/06/2020 17:54

She sounds batshit, try not to worry too much. I love feeding oats to ducks, they friggen love them round here!

Spudlet · 27/06/2020 17:54

@derxa The Canal and River Trust specifically suggest oats as a safe food for ducks, and this information sheet from Leicester Council suggests them for geese and swans.

canalrivertrust.org.uk/enjoy-the-waterways/canal-and-river-wildlife/keeping-our-ducks-healthy/six-things-you-didnt-know-you-could-feed-ducks

www.leicester.gov.uk/media/179772/feeding-geese-and-swans.pdf

Op, she sounds nuts and you dealt with it well. Nasty experience to have.