Do you think this is ok: 11-year old left in charge of 7-year old for 1-1.5hrs

[GlassOfProsecco]

I'm in the process of separating from DC's dad. We are still living under same roof, both working full-time. I'm an NHS worker so am physically in work; he is WFH.

DS (11.5) told me earlier tonight that their dad left them alone together in the house last week. It would have been for just over 1 hour, to go to a physio appt locally.

DD just turned 7 in April. I have started leaving DS (11 but young for his age) alone for around an hour - he is happy with this. I have never asked him to look after DD alone.

I'm really not happy about this; I feel he is too young to be responsible for her & she is too young to be left in his care. I would not have left him with her & felt he should have arranged his appointment for a day when I am off work.

Before I go off on one - would you be ok with this? Or am I over-reacting?

No I wouldn't be happy. It's a lot of responsibility to put on an 11 year old. What if they started arguing like kids do or what about if someone came to the door. I'm sure the appointment could've been made for another time when the kids are with you

No it isn't ok. It isn't fair on the older one to have that responsibility. As you say the 11 yo on their own for a short time is OK, but not looking after a younger child.

No I wouldn't be happy. My eldest is nearly 14 and I wouldnt leave him with my 8 year old.

Depends on the children but from age 11 -12 I was regularly home alone with two siblings age 10 and 7 for an hour or so after school. We just watched TV and played games. This was pre mobiles / iPads etc.

We were fine.

No. It’s not ok. It’s unfair on the 11 year old. And it obviously has been on his mind

definitely not ok. I have a 14 year old and an 8 year old and only recently have I left them for up to half an hour while at local shop/post office.

These things mostly depend on the kids themselves, I have done this very very occasionally but my 11yo is nearly 12, very sensible and mature and has done a home alone safety course.

I also make sure they know not to answer the door, call me if they need anything, and they just play video games or watch TV so I know they are just together in the living room, not wandering around the house.

I don't think it is ok as a regular thing, but in a pinch it can be ok. Once my eldest turned 11 I gave her a house key in case I was delayed returning from work and they got home before me (school bus), it came in useful twice when I got suck in traffic.

I am surprised saying they won't leave a 14yo in charge! I was babysitting regularly from 12 (and I am not THAT old!).

No, too young.

Sarahplane

Really ???- your 14 y o must be champing at the bit!

Mine are 13 and just turned 8 and I wouldn't leave them home alone together. The 8 year old doesn't always behave sensibly even with me so I couldn't trust him not to do something stupid. It wouldn't be fair to expect my 13 year old to try and look after him.

Apologies for the drip-feed (should have mentioned this in the OP) but DS has dyspraxia.

And now I'm trying to think back if the paddling pool was in the garden. They sometimes play in that & go off on their own to play there.

DS does not have a phone so would not have had a way of contacting his dad in an emergency.

I'm just thinking WTF.

The 11yo isn't old enough to be responsible for sibling. The 7yo isn't responsible enough to be left in charge of themselves. So I wouldn't leave them.

I have a 9yo with dyspraxia and she is such a feather brain I could not imagine even leaving her alone on her own at 11 let alone looking after someone else. I wont leave my young teen with her for more than half hour!

@TigerDroveAgain

Sarahplane

Really ???- your 14 y o must be champing at the bit!

I'd happily leave the 14 year old all day and have done but not looking after an 8 year old all day because he's a handful, it's too much responsibility and they'd probably kill each other.

It depends on the maturity level of fed 11 year old and how cooperative the 7 year old is. A mature sensible 11 year old who can respond appropriately in a crisis will be ok for 1-1.5 hours. I wouldn’t leave them longer than that

yes I think thats fine. Perhaps not on a regular base and does depend on children.

No i think its OK to leave most 11 yo alone for a bit, but not in charge of anyone younger.

As others have said it depends on the kids. When I was young it was normal and I used to walk my younger sister to school younger than that (different parts of the same school)

Do you not have home phone?

I also used to look after my younger sister at 11/12 and she was 7/8 (with brother who's about same age as me). Very occasionally in the house for a bit. We'd often take her to the park.

Meh. Its not ideal but as long as it didn't happen all the time, and it sounds like a one off, I'd forgive. I'd also get the 11yo a basic phone.

The landline is not used; I have no idea what the number is, nor does DS.

It depends on the dcs. At 11 I looked after my little sis regularly after school. We got on ok and it was pretty normal then.

How did your 11 to feel about it? If he was happy, I’d feel more comfortable.

Am planning on getting DS a phone over the summer.

No not acceptable at all. An 11 year old is not old enough to be responsible for another person. A 7 year old is not old enough to leave, at all.