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Original poster

Do you think this is ok: 11-year old left in charge of 7-year old for 1-1.5hrs

59 replies

GlassOfProsecco · 25/06/2020 23:03

I'm in the process of separating from DC's dad. We are still living under same roof, both working full-time. I'm an NHS worker so am physically in work; he is WFH.

DS (11.5) told me earlier tonight that their dad left them alone together in the house last week. It would have been for just over 1 hour, to go to a physio appt locally.

DD just turned 7 in April. I have started leaving DS (11 but young for his age) alone for around an hour - he is happy with this. I have never asked him to look after DD alone.

I'm really not happy about this; I feel he is too young to be responsible for her & she is too young to be left in his care. I would not have left him with her & felt he should have arranged his appointment for a day when I am off work.

Before I go off on one - would you be ok with this? Or am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 26/06/2020 09:51

With your update, no.

He needs to plan better or take the kids with him to appointments

formerbabe · 26/06/2020 09:56

No...mine are 9 and 12. 12 year old is left at home for up to an hour occasionally...I never leave my 9 year old alone even with my eldest.

Neolara · 26/06/2020 10:02

It depends. I might well have done this but my DCs were very sensible and didn't fight.

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11 year olds Families
cheeseismydownfall · 26/06/2020 10:03

Depends on the children, but overall I would say it is not OK. I have been leaving DS(12) alone for shortish periods for a good couple of years, but never with the responsibility of his younger siblings. I could leave him with the 10 year old, but I would make it clear he wasn't in charge or responsible. I would absolutely not leave him with the 8 year old, partly because of personalities and partly because it isn't fair on either of them.

amusedbush · 26/06/2020 10:05

When I was 12 my mum would leave me with 6yo DB while she did the food shop, so maybe 90 minutes. We were absolutely fine but I was very mature. This was 2002 so not a million years ago.

It doesn’t sound like your children are ready to be left yet, though.

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 26/06/2020 10:06

I would have (and did) leave my very sensible 11yo with his younger brother (4 at the time) for an hour or so. But I could guarantee ds2 would be happy watching a film and that DS1 could fall on a neighbour for help if needed. Also they never bickered.

There’s no way I would have left then 10yo DD in the mix though, as it would have been carnage. She always had to come with me or go elsewhere as I couldn’t leave her with either brother in any combination.

So a lot of it depends on personalities.

You know your children best so if this has bothered you then it’s out of order.

BillieEilish · 26/06/2020 10:12

I could definitely leave DD (just 12) to look after a sibling. No problems at all. But she is very responsible.

Depends on personalities.

But in general, for an hour, I really don't see the issue. It was a one off.

My0My · 26/06/2020 10:19

11 should be ok for an hour. Does depend on how sensible he is though. I assume it was one occasion and not regular? Ask DH if he has more appointments when DC are with him and take it from there. If not, then you don’t need to worry. If yes, then rethink visit timings. If he’s never done this before it might be an over reaction for a one off.

user1471530109 · 26/06/2020 10:23

Mine are exactly the same age and I too have left the eldest for short times. But never together. They'd kill each other!

My eldest doesn't have a phone but does know mobile number off by heart to call from the house phone in an emergency. She also knows which neighbours to go to.

CuriousKittyKat · 26/06/2020 10:24

I have a nearly ten year old and an 8 year old. I have recently started leaving them for ten minutes in the morning while I drop off their younger sibling at school. My neighbour keeps an ear out for them (her door is open and they know she is there if they are worried or need her). I leave them watching something on the kindle. I am not happy about this but the current situation means I have little choice. I would definitely not leave them for any longer, especially if the older one was unhappy with the situation.

ThisIsGonnaHurt · 26/06/2020 10:28

Definitely not 11 and 7. I left mine at probably 12 and 10 together, possibly 11&9 but my eldest is really grown up and it would only be at times when I knew my youngest would be calm and well behaved.

I used to babysit at 13/14 for toddlers/babies even but I think this absolutely depends on the children involved. I know many of my 14 yo DSs friends I wouldn't even trust on their own with another 14 year old Grin

GracieLane · 26/06/2020 10:31

In an actual emergency, yes. For a planned appointment, no.

FlameFartingDragon · 26/06/2020 10:32

When I was 14 I was looking after a 6, 4, and 1.5 year old for the weekend, including going swimming (at a Country Club type thing) and rowing (in an open lake).

I also took them to school and nursery every day.

Recently watched a Reality TV series when a 10 year was babysitting (with her Mum) a few houses away. It's in the US.

I think different countries do things differently, but only you know your own children.

BlackInk · 26/06/2020 10:43

We have just recently started leaving my DS10 (very nearly 11) and DD8 alone together for short periods of time - 20-30 mins whilst I pop to the supermarket. This was kind of enforced by lockdown, being home alone with them both and not wanting to take them into the shop.

They are both pretty sensible, they know not to play outside, answer the door etc. and DS has a mobile phone for emergencies.

In a pinch I would say that what you describe is just about ok, but only if both parents have agreed and children have been well versed in what's safe/acceptable to do when they're alone.

HarlinRay · 26/06/2020 10:47

I was a paid babysitter during the day from age 12 and evenings starting at age 14. It was absolutely fine and completely normal in the early 90s. The world is safer for kids than it has ever been in regards to physical safety, real-life ‘stranger danger’, etc. Online danger is different- but easily managed, just lock down the WiFi when you leave. Anyway- I think you’re overreacting and you should allow your ex to parent as he sees fit when the children are with him. It will be good for your 11yo to be given some responsibility instead of being treated like a self-destructive infant until she’s 23.

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 26/06/2020 10:58

I think an 11yr old is more than capable of looking after a 7yr old for an hour.
I wonder how many of these answers are because it was a man that left them? I know how much mn hates men.

WinningEveryDay · 26/06/2020 10:59

It wouldn't have crossed my mind that this might be an issue.

Kitsandkids · 26/06/2020 11:11

I don’t think it’s something I’d get worked up about but then I don’t know the children. When I was 10 a friend and I quite regularly looked after her 2 younger sisters while her mum went out for an hour or so.

My mum used to take her 2 year old brother to the park by herself when she was 8. So an hour at home with 2 kids both old enough not to have accidents too easily should be fine. Not all the time, but as a one off I would be ok with it, depending on the children (mainly depending on the younger one’s behaviour).

SnuggyBuggy · 26/06/2020 11:15

Depends on the 7 year old and if she is likely to play him up. If both sensible and they had a phone I'd risk it.

PerspicaciaTick · 26/06/2020 11:17

For 1 hour as a one off, with sensible children and an adult who is easily contactable, fine.

bluemolly · 26/06/2020 11:44

@HarlinRay

I was a paid babysitter during the day from age 12 and evenings starting at age 14. It was absolutely fine and completely normal in the early 90s. The world is safer for kids than it has ever been in regards to physical safety, real-life ‘stranger danger’, etc. Online danger is different- but easily managed, just lock down the WiFi when you leave. Anyway- I think you’re overreacting and you should allow your ex to parent as he sees fit when the children are with him. It will be good for your 11yo to be given some responsibility instead of being treated like a self-destructive infant until she’s 23.
Me too!
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 26/06/2020 11:48

Mine are nearly the same age, I'll leave them for 10 mins but don't even like doing that. I do trust me eldest to be responsible but I just don't think he should have to be at that age.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 26/06/2020 11:50

But then I don't trust the youngest to behave for the oldest. He's a bit stubborn.

Original poster
GlassOfProsecco · 26/06/2020 12:18

So I spoke to him this morning about it. It turns out he has left them twice.

Once to go to the post office (probably 20/25 mins) and the other time for his physio appt (nearly 1 hour) - he said he got mixed up with dates/times.

I said I felt that the youngest is too little to leave & that it's not fair ion DS.

I also said that in future he should get his physio on days off so I can take them.

They can bicker/fight and DS is young for his age. I've promised him a phone over the summer.

OP posts:
FlameFartingDragon · 26/06/2020 12:44

Is his physio or private? Can he realistically ask for it to happen on your days off?

If your son isn't responsible enough to look after a 7 year old for an hour, I think I would be seriously reconsidering getting him a phone.

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