My boyfriend's child

[Tree2020]

My boyfriend's child doesn't want to meet me and we have been together for a while.
It isn't easy for any of us. Any advice?

Do you have any idea why he doesn’t want to get to know you?

My boyfriend still thinks he is child and not mature like most 18 yrs old and that the Mum has something to do with the animosity towards me. I have made peace with it and respect his wish. By boyfriend's hurt feelings bother me can't bear seeing him like this. I have tried alas not sure what else I could possibly do. Would love having a connection with the boy as I do with the rest of my boyfriend's family

How old are you OP?

I was just about to ask that. You sound very young.

My partner/ boyfriend and I are in our late 40s

Don’t force it. Most 18 year olds can’t string a sentence together without being attached to their phones. Don’t take it personally.

I reckon it was 4 years before I met dp"s daughter. It took forever and was quite the sticking point but we've been together 8 years now and she's going to be one of my bridesmaids in December.

It might even have been longer now I think about it. All inconsequential now, although as I say, it did cause a fair few arguments at the time. He didn't want to force her, and I had to respect that.

Congrats I am happy for you, wish you all best for the future.
Time will tell maybe he will meet me maybe he will not. I don't take it personally I've been through enough

I just tried to keep my mouth shut, mainly. Knowing that I could force it, but that if it all went disastrously wrong, that would be my doing. I tried to accept the fact that she's not my daughter and although I had opinions about it, it wasn't up to me.

I don't bring up the conversation as I am resigned what will be will be. It's the partner bringing up that he has wasted so much time by not spending more time with his son. The son doesn't want to do anything together with me doesn't want to come to visit our home because I am here

Can't they just go out together somewhere? Or he can come visit when you are at work/out with friends etc.

I honestly wouldn't worry about it. Given his age you can carry on having a relationship with your partner and not meeting his son doesn't affect that, it would be trickier if he was younger.

Just wait and see if he comes around once he has grown up a bit, which he may well do. Especially if his mum is badmouthing you, he may need to move out before she stops having an influence over him.

We've not lived together the whole time either, dp just used to go off with her and they used to do their own thing, once or twice a week.

Someone of 18 is not a child. If that person chooses not to meet you, you need to respect their decision.

They do see each other 2-3 times/week which is great.

It is, but that's also a lot when they refuse to meet you tbh.

Has your partner spoken to his son?

I respect his wish as I said I am ok with it. My partner doesn't want to accept it. I love my partner and with or without his son we still have each other. Of course if his son decides to know me things would be much simpler for his Dad

He has tried to talk to him with no much luck

It must hurt. Has he ever said why?

No he didn't give a reason just that he doesn't want to see me

Your boyfriend is hurt? The parent in the situation? Really?

Divorce and separation can be hard on kids. Your boyfriend needs to stop making this all about him.

Respect the child's wishes?

Sorry, wrote too soon. Your partner needs to stop putting his feelings before his grown child. He is allowed to feel hurt and upset but he is not allowed to control his adult child to get what he wants.

Thank you for all the comments, much appreciated