What age do you think is too old to have a baby?

[BabyLlamaZen]

I've seen a few threads related to this. What would you say is the cut off age for a woman specifically to be pregnant and have a baby? Or is there no cut of age - is it ok to have children in your 60s if medical advancement allows it?

This is such a tricky thing. I personally feel 45 maximum for actively trying, including medical help to do this.

My reasons I suppose are personal. Best friend was a surprise baby (parents aged 40 and 42). Reasonably healthy people but both no longer around. I know this is also unlucky that they both got cancer in their 70s, but also really not that strange. She's 30 and luckily had her children in her 20s so they got to meet them. She was so so worried about them being around for them, so it's it's that she almost knew. (She was also lucky meeting her husband early!)

My parents were mid 30s but I also lost one. Again, I know this can happen at any age, but it defintely increases chances as you get older. It was so painful to my siblings and I. I could never say to my remaining parent, but it's one of the reasons I had my son at 29.

I get that it's difficult having children young in current climates with finding a decent relationship, having a good job and the whole unaffordability of housing, but that's why people are having them mid 30s. Not mid 40s!

However, I know this may sound very unfair to those who have for whatever reason not been able to have children earlier. So really interested to see different views :)

Nature has given us a cut off point - if you have a natural menopause, that's when you become too old. If you have a premature menopause, that rule doesn't work, but the median age for menopause is supposed to be 51 so I would take that as a guide.

And no, I didn't have my first child at 40. I was in my late twenties but think its entirely up to the couple to decide. Better a planned child coming into a secure family setting than an 'accident' born into unfavourable circumstances.

@CherryPavlova

So one moment you're saying anecdotes are ridiculous, then you're spouting your own left right and centre 😂

Would I rather have better life chances overall and a greater likelihood of growing up with two parents who remained together = or risk a parent dying in their sixties

You do realise there is a middle ground of late 20s and early 30s? You seem to think you can only get pregnant as a teenager on a sink estate or as a 40 year old in a professional job. There is a huuuuuuuge area in between which most mums occupy.

Nobody on this thread has suggested being 18 is better than 40, you are stretching it to to the most extreme possible cases then criticising the outcome.

To flip the question, I think the ideal age is 25-34 IF circumstances are right. That way you have a balance of health, better financial circumstances and life experience.

I just had DC2 at 37, I had DC1 at 32. I can hand on heart say I wouldn't consider having any more babies (I've found the physical side much harder this time) however I'm lucky I've got my DC and realise that many others aren't so lucky.

Something interesting I've noticed here in Ireland. There are a lot more downs syndrome children and adults. I teach five DS teenagers for example. Of course one of the reasons for this is that up until last year, abortion was illegal. Also people, schools etc are far more used to seeing DS children as integrated members of society.

All of the DS students I teach are to older parents. All. This is not made up. Yet I also taught in the UK for over 20 years, on London so obviously a huge variety in the demographic but didn't come across one single DS student. Is this a factor of consideration for older parents, did it figure on your thinking? I now in Ireland it generally isn't.

I think this is true. When I relocated from London to Dublin age 37 with a child going in to junior infants, I was one of the youngest. My younger child had autism (not severely affected luckily) but looking around us at the pre-school he went to before mainstream primary school, the Dads almost looked like granddads. They were all well in to their 40s with toddlers.
There was a story doing the rounds on facebook, a Danish family moved to Ireland to be part of the Down Syndrome Ireland community which is huge here and very very supportive. lots of get togethers. There is something on every weekend. It's a social life where you do not have to worry about being the odd family out.

BUT. I am middle class. There are no doubt families who'd consider me utterly deluded and clueless and maybe I am.

I think teenage pregnancies have fallen since they stopped lone parent allowance when the child is 7.

My grief was a tribute to the woman I loved, it changed me and it scarred me but in the end it made me stronger.

DH lost his dad at 26 and he says almost exactly the same thing. It made him want to embrace life and get married and have a familt ( he was dithering about it before). He was far closer to his dad than he is to his mum too.

* Better a planned child coming into a secure family setting than an 'accident' born into unfavourable circumstances.*

So true. Being loved and secure is the best start anyone can give their kids really.

sigh but we are not asking whether it is better to be born to a 40 something year old with squillions in the bank who desperately wants a child, or a reckless 18 year old who got pregnant by accident.

We are asking the 'optimal' age to have a child.

Say two couples have the same income, live in the same area, etc. One couple are 30 and the other 40. Which is better? Obviously 30.

However I agree better to be brought up by responsible older parents than reckless teenagers.

[quote Wolfgirrl]@CherryPavlova

So one moment you're saying anecdotes are ridiculous, then you're spouting your own left right and centre 😂

Would I rather have better life chances overall and a greater likelihood of growing up with two parents who remained together = or risk a parent dying in their sixties

You do realise there is a middle ground of late 20s and early 30s? You seem to think you can only get pregnant as a teenager on a sink estate or as a 40 year old in a professional job. There is a huuuuuuuge area in between which most mums occupy.

Nobody on this thread has suggested being 18 is better than 40, you are stretching it to to the most extreme possible cases then criticising the outcome.

To flip the question, I think the ideal age is 25-34 IF circumstances are right. That way you have a balance of health, better financial circumstances and life experience.[/quote]
Anecdotes counter anecdotes for the hard of thinking. They form people’s opinions but most pecan contextualise their experiences in the light of wider evidence.

My point is it’s not for us to condemn women who for whatever reason wait until forties to give birth. They tend to better outcomes and the whole care/ mortality nonsense is just that. It doesn’t stand up to closer consideration of fact.

Very young mothers are an extreme but so too are women in their late forties who have babies. One group has better outcomes and it’s not the youngsters.

I had my first at 19, second at 21 and third a month before I was 30. I’m 33 now and absolutely couldn’t have any more! I don’t know how old too old is, it depends how they feel surely? Lots of my older kids friends have parents technically old enough to be my parents.

I think 40 would be the absolute latest. Anything beyond that would be too risky and not in the best interest of the child for me.

It's a very personal decision. For me, 30 felt too old but that's probably because by the time I was 30 my youngest child was four and starting school and I didn't wish to go back to square one again by having another child.

@CherryPavlova

I actually just had a look and I'm correct! 25-34 is the best age for the baby in terms of their lifelong health:

We find that offspring born to mothers younger than age 25 or older than 35 have worse outcomes with respect to mortality, self-rated health, height, obesity, and the number of diagnosed conditions than those born to mothers aged 25–34.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3881604/

It’s none of my business how old/young others are, but for me and my life, I had my kids in my early 20’s and that was perfect for me.

Im now 40 with a 16 and 20 year old, so I have so much more freedom!

Cherry can you explain how statistics around mortality are nonsense. They are very easy to find. Do you accept that older people die. You currently as a woman have about a 60 percent chance of living past 80 and 30% living past 90. Which means you have a 40 % of dying before 80. Life expectancy does not mean everyone lives to that age you know. So STATISTICALLY if you have a child at say 47 there is a 40% chance of this child being orphaned in their really 30s.

This is a fact.

Not a judgement.
Not a condemnation.
Not against anyone.
Do you really think most people die of old age around 98 without needing any care. That is the exception.

@CherryPavlova

And no, I didn't have my first child at 40. I was in my late twenties but think its entirely up to the couple to decide. Better a planned child coming into a secure family setting than an 'accident' born into unfavourable circumstances.

You can have an accident at any age what do you mean exactly. There’s no point arguing the facts here if your an older mother at around 40 yes your career is a lot more likely to be established. For younger people it is harder now and it doesn’t make you less of a mother. You definitely have a lot more energy when your younger that is a fact. I’m 29 and I don’t run round like I did at 20 unfortunately..

@Nellydean21

Cherry can you explain how statistics around mortality are nonsense. They are very easy to find. Do you accept that older people die. You currently as a woman have about a 60 percent chance of living past 80 and 30% living past 90. Which means you have a 40 % of dying before 80. Life expectancy does not mean everyone lives to that age you know. So STATISTICALLY if you have a child at say 47 there is a 40% chance of this child being orphaned in their really 30s.

This is a fact.

Not a judgement.
Not a condemnation.
Not against anyone.
Do you really think most people die of old age around 98 without needing any care. That is the exception.

The idea that there is a huge difference in mortality for people at 35 and 55 is nonsense. Mortality, of course, increases wage but not as much as is being spouted until people reach 70/75 once congenital conditions are excluded. I’m not suggesting mortality figures are nonsense but using them to argue that women over 35 are being selfish if they give birth is the nonsense.

Shinebright72 A bit worrying if you etching up your dancing shoes and decided to be old at 29!

Cherry 35? No I'm looking at 47 as my posts show.

Had twins at 31. Love it. I'm 33 now and I'd have another but I think my limit would be between 35 and 40. Probably 37.
I felt older having kids but only because my parents had me young. My best friends don't have kids and they are same age, not in a rush either.

Over 30 is a no no. I say that as a 28 year old with a 4 year old and wanting another.

Why over 30, is that not pretty average for a first time mum these days?

@CherryPavlova most people don’t have the same energy minus a decade! Plus I have a child my priority’s have changed! That wasn’t the point though I think your not willing to face facts

Each to their own though!

You definitely have a lot more energy when your younger that is a fact.

This doesn’t really apply to everyone. I was an obese and mentally unfit 19 year old and was depressed until I was 28. It was only really as I approached 30 that I became motivated to improve my health. At almost 40 I am now full of energy. We all have our moments but the truth is that people who need to wait to older to have their kids are usually the type of people who are invested in their health (as well as their careers).