Large height difference in adult children- why?

[Lemonsareforlife]

Name changed as kids know I'm always on MN

I have 2 sons.
I'm 5 8 and DP is 5 11
One son was 6 feet tall at 15. He's now 20 and 6 feet one, size 11feet
The 18 year old is 5 feet 5 with size 5 feet. He has barely grown in years.
Same diet etc,

I can only think that he had an operation on undescended testicles at 9. I have HUGE guilt for not spotting this issue before.

Will DS ever grow? Have we left it too late?
DS is very very reserved and will not speak.
It's short for an adult man.

Maybe the op did something?

Having a conversation with him about it isn't going to make him grow, but it would show him what a plonker you are about this... you're showing the sort of prejudice you're hoping he won't experience. Well done for trying to get yourself over this.

I find genetics interesting, I'm 5ft 7 yet all women in both sides of the family are 5ft 1 and below. My brother is fractionally shorter than me.

DS1 is 6ft 2, size 13 feet and his Dad and I are both 5ft 7

DS2 (different dad) was destined to be huge - predicted 6ft 4/5- he's now 11 and 5ft 6 with size 9 feet. He went into early puberty due to a medical condition and recently underwent a bone scan. He's now expected to reach about 6ft.

anecdotally family who grew up in post war germany were 4 siblings, 2 boys 2 girls.
two of them (boy/girl) were sent to 'feeding camp' during their pre teens. the older siblings (14&15) were not eligible.
the 2 younger one grew very tall, a good foot taller than the older siblings.

feeding camp was 3 large cooked meals a day, milk unlimited to drink and lots of exercise.

Me and my 3 sisters range from 5ft3 to 5ft6 and my younger brother is 6ft6

Milk contains growth hormone doesn’t it? My kids drink gallons of it and my eldest is consistently on the 91st centile for height. My youngest is on the 50th centile so it will be interesting to see what height he ends up.

Op I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong at all and I am not at all sure this is linked to the teste issue. From what everyone has said on this thread it sounds like young men continue to grow for a much longer period than girls so he could definitely grow a few more inches.

He may still grow a few inches as males still grow until their early twenties.
Genetics are strange
My father was 5ft 6. My mother is 5ft 3 and my brother is 6ft.
However, your ds may not grow, your concern about his height may make him paranoid

That’s just genetics but he might grow a bit more. My kids are only little but my eldest is diddy and he takes after me but his brother is huge like his dad it’s just what happens

I think we just have to work with the genes we've been given.
DH is 6ft4 and very broad and was like this as a teenager. Size 13 shoes
I'm 5ft 5 and was slim as a teen
DS1 who is in his early 20s 6ft 4 and size 11 shoes and slim
DS2 who is also early 20s 5ft 6 size 7 shoe and can't put weight on!
It's just the way we all are. DD 2 makes jokes about being the last of the litter but he is confident and happy.

I think we can beat our selves up on the decisions we have made about our kids, but I would say in this case there are far too many other reasons for you to be sure it has anything to do with you - and even than I don't think you are at fault at all.
I think what you need to strive to do is make sure he is a good, happy man.

No, he doesn't really need to shave, odds of fluff maybe. He is such a private person. I have never seen him shave.
He does have a deep voice though. It didn't really break, maybe it was always deep?
He's possibly slightly feminine looking. He may be gay? He may not? He's loved by me wholeheartedly and unconditionally
He's well liked with his friends and very bright. He doesn't seem unhappy. It obviously bothers me far more than him but not enough for me to mention it to,him for fear of hurting his feelings.
I just thought the heights between my boys was odd.
It's been a niggle in my head for a long time and coupled with the guilt of not knowing he had undescended testicles last night I spilled it all on here.

I recommend that you listen to a podcast by Ira Glass as part of This American Life series. The episode is called Small Things Considered and Act 1 is about an endocrinologist who talks about parents getting growth hormones for their small-but-normal height children. It's a very interesting listen.

An ed pysch once told me that highly academic parents struggle to accept a normal IQ range child as just that which can fuel anxiety.

I would accept and move on. Your son is an adult and can talk to the doctor himself if he has concerns.

I think it's just genetics.

DS is 6 foot 2 and at 16, still potentially has growing to do.
DD is 5 foot (barely) and at her adult height.

Even allowing for differences in male and female heights, that's a huge difference.

DH and I have both very tall and very short people in our extended families. Looks like DD got the short genes and DS got the tall ones!

My mum is one of 5. She and her eldest sister are/ were short (5'2 and 5'3"), the second and youngest sisters are fairly tall (5'8" and 5'9" and the brother I don't know his actual height but he was a couple of inches taller than my dad who is 5'9".

I'm interested to see how my own dc turn out heightwise as I'm 5'4" and DH is 6'4".

At 17 my brother was smaller than me ( I was 16) which would make him about 5'2, but grew ALOT during his time at uni and is now about 5'7. ( my parents are way shorter than you and your dh) I think some lads are late growers.

I haven't read the entire thread but I'd definitely get him checked out for any hormonal/endocrine problems.
But I am a dwarf in a family of giants for no apparent reason, grandfather, uncles 6 foot 5 to 6 foot 7, mum 6 foot 1, sisters 6 foot, me 5 foot 4.
I feel like a 5 years old out with adults when we go out and everyone stares.

I'm 5'7, exH is 5'11, my DC are adults DD barely scrapes 5', DS is 6'1.

Isn’t it true that a son will always be taller than his mother? I’m 5ft 7 so I’m hoping DS2 will be definitely taller than me.

Can you seek assurance on the impact of the op at 9?

I think that’s the part you’re struggling with most, and that kind of thing is hard

FIL 5'6"
MIL 5'2"
DH? 6'3" takes after his maternal Grandad, looks like his Mum in hair colouring/features
His sister, takes after FIL, hair colouring/features and is 5'6"

What on earth has him being gay or not to do with it?!

I’m one of 4 sisters and we’ve all been bought up breast fed for the same amount of time and on the same food etc but we are all considerably different in height and shoe size

It sounds like you’re not even sure if he’s been through puberty OP. For that reason I think that either you or his father need to have a potentially embarrassing conversation.

If he’s not actually got to puberty yet he may need help there. I remember watching a tv programme about a man from somewhere in Africa, he just never went through puberty but because nobody really discussed it with him he didn’t realise it was an issue until he was too embarrassed to do anything about it. Of course he then went on tv and did a documentary - whatever he was prescribed sorted it all out for him pretty quickly.

In our family we have : all adult and stopped growing
Dh 6’3”
Me 5’8”
Ds 6’3”
Dd 5’4”
There are some short genes in both families and I assume dd just got them .

I seriously think you need to get a grip. There is nothing wrong with being short, he is within the normal male range in this country and is taller than the majority of women in this country.

I have a friend who was really short and baby faced to the point where people at uni thought he was a child prodigy because he looked so much younger. He had an older brother who was massive and very manly looking. Must have been tough for him! Anyway he shot up while at uni and is now over 6 foot. Still quite baby faced but very handsome 🤣 . So it still might happen!