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Original poster

If you want another baby, but can't afford it... How do you get over it?

39 replies

Fressia123 · 22/06/2020 12:31

Our baby is 8 months today and I'd love another one, but we'd need a much bigger house and I can't see how we can afford it in the next 3 years (if ever!) My partner thinks he's getting too old for another as much as he'd love one too .

OP posts:
hugefanofcheese · 22/06/2020 12:48

if a bigger house in 3 years is feasible, the timing could work- the DC would be young enough to share until then rather than if age is a consideration too?

hugefanofcheese · 22/06/2020 12:50

rather than wait**

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/06/2020 12:51

What's your house like now?

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Families
Original poster
Fressia123 · 22/06/2020 13:01

We're in a three bed. With one boy and one girl from previous relationships. The baby will share with sister (most of the time he'll have the room to himself). Our boy is almost a teenager and in a box room so sharing us not an option.

OP posts:
footprintsintheslow · 22/06/2020 13:04

I'm would just go for it to be honest

blueglassandfreesias · 22/06/2020 13:24

I got a kitten but I am quite sad about it.
I try to focus on my freedom, figure, evenings, sleep!

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 22/06/2020 13:50

I'd probably do it anyway if I wanted the child that much.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 22/06/2020 13:53

But where would said baby sleep? It would mean us moving to the living room (at least to sleep). That's the onus of the whole debacle.

OP posts:
PennyPincher64 · 22/06/2020 13:59

In the same position. It hurts me because I always wanted 3 children but the way things have turned out I would struggle to afford one. At the moment I am able to put aside a bit for the occassional holiday and day out but if I had another child that would have to stop and DS would miss out.
I deal witg it by telling myself its what's best for DS so that he is able to enjoy a few nice things now and again rather than having 2 children who are constabtly told tge things they want to do are more expensive. I've always thought that you have to focus on the child you have rather than then one you would like to have.

That and I buy euromillions a couple of times per month hoping to win big.

InDubiousBattle · 22/06/2020 14:07

Time. Your baby is only very young and as they grow you will leave the 'baby zone' and reap the benefits of having older dc. Focus on the dc you have and the resources (financial, emotional, time etc)that they will get from not being over stretched. To be honest I know hardly anyone who could afford 4 children! I wanted 3 and we have 2, it wasn't entirely a financial decision but that was a big factor, I was very, very sad for quite a long time but feel (mostly!)fine about it a couple of years down the line.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 22/06/2020 14:38

We can afford them it's the mortgage that is the problem. I have a secondary source of income that gives us a decent quality of life. No mortgage will take into account so that'd how it translates to a bigger house. (We'd have to wait until we have higher salaries).

OP posts:
FurbabyLife · 22/06/2020 14:54

I think three between you is plenty. Enjoy the family you have. We can’t all get what we want all the time.

AramintaJones · 22/06/2020 15:15

No don't just 'do it.' Children are entitled to have their own space where possible and it's just not fair when you already have three children in a three bedroom house.
I know it's controversial to say it on here but I believe in not having more kids than you have bedrooms for.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/06/2020 15:44

I thought you were going to say you only had one child. You have three between you, that's plenty really.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/06/2020 15:46

I wouldn't want to make my existing children suffer because of my own wants. Focus on the ones you have. A box room for a teen is already not very ideal, plus the two sharing.

something2say · 22/06/2020 16:09

I'm surprised there's been no mention of the fact that there are too many humans on the earth? One day I expect that will affect lots of families and then there will be generations of people who can't just have as many children as they like...

Guiltyfeminist1 · 22/06/2020 16:15

Don't negatively affect your children because of your own wants. They need their own space and it's much better for them to have a little more disposable cash to do nice things. I'm a teacher and we see the effects of overcrowding and finances on a family all the time. I'd definitely, definitely not be doing this in your shoes.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 23/06/2020 08:36

Financially shouldn't make much of a difference but yes there would be overcrowding for some time.

Hopefully if things go as planned and gent into the doctorate I want I'd be replicating my income. Even if I don't, I should be double gy income in the next 5 years. My industry has been benefited by Covid but my biological clock is not on our side until we can afford a bigger house unfortunately.

OP posts:
SailingAwayIntoSunrise · 23/06/2020 08:39

Agree with pp. 3 DC is a lot and if you don't have the room then I'd personally not have any more.

The teenager is likely to be with you a lot longer now too.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 23/06/2020 08:48

We'd think he's the most likely to stop coming as often. In his other house he has every single console under the sun and we live in a different town from his school. It's all within 20 mins but that's what we think will happen, who knows! We don't think the house can be extended but will definitely call in an architect to see if it's possible.

Most of the time (around 60%) the house is just the three of us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fressia123 · 23/06/2020 08:54

I agree it's not the most sensible idea though. If we were younger it wouldn't be so complicated but so it goes.

OP posts:
AntiHop · 23/06/2020 08:56

How old are you?

Original poster
Fressia123 · 23/06/2020 09:01

36 and 41 but he wouldn't have one at 45 for example.

OP posts:
Sandybval · 23/06/2020 09:03

Don't negatively affect your children because of your own wants. They need their own space and it's much better for them to have a little more disposable cash to do nice things.

Agree with this, if you just had one child then it's understandable some people would like a sibling for them, but having grown up in an overcrowded house, no.

Roselilly36 · 23/06/2020 09:06

Many congrats on your baby Flowers

That broody feeling is overwhelming I know, my two are 19 & 17 now, I am 48 and still feel broody! Of course I wouldn’t have another baby, but I don’t think that feeling will ever change for me, I knew wanted another baby by the time my first DS was 4 mths old.

My advice would be to try to focus on the family you have, even if you had another baby, you may still want another & another OP. Flowers

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