If you want another baby, but can't afford it... How do you get over it?

[Fressia123]

Our baby is 8 months today and I'd love another one, but we'd need a much bigger house and I can't see how we can afford it in the next 3 years (if ever!) My partner thinks he's getting too old for another as much as he'd love one too .

It's funny when I had my first I said I never ever wanted another one. Not that he was a particularly hard baby but it was a reflection of my marriage at that time. With this baby it's very different I feel like another one would make our family complete. I know it's my hormones and not having PND this time that make me feel this way.

We have 4 children, 2 share and the other 2 have their own rooms...our extension is on hold during covid but once that is over we will have a bigger upstairs bathroom and another bedroom..
But we have worked hard to get here, I dont want any more kids because I want to give the children I have a good quality of life.

Could you extend you current house?

We can’t afford a bigger house and I am on the verge of being too old already

I don't think we can. It's an end of terrace with no garden, just a patio. We will call some architects at some point as neither of us have any real clue.

There's a trust in my name worth £300k which will let us buy a much bigger house but that's 10 years from now which would be too late anyways.

So the reality is that as of now and for the next few years unless this house can be extended we can't house another baby.

Could you use the money from your second job to get a larger deposit? I’m not sure if that’s possible but you could ask?

I dont think your reasons fall into cant afford. You can afford another child and the baby can sleep with you in your room.
Otherwise get a dog..i have a pet and i feel they are my baby.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that if you are so sure that your income will double in just five years you go ahead and do it. You never know how long it will take you to conceive and you'll always be able to make more money, but sadly will not be able to come back in time to have more kids. If you financial situation was more uncertain that you say it is definitely wait and see, but if it's bound to get better just go for it, OP.
Good luck with whatever you decide

I think either way will be a compromise. Do you compromise on time and money and space and have the baby? Or do you compromise on having the time, the money the space and not have the baby?

Regardless I think for some people the broodiness never ends. I have 3 kids, and still sometimes dream about the 4th. Will I have another baby? Absolutely not. I know that my time, space and finances are stretched to braking point already. I have no wriggle room. For me it's not a compromise, it's just reality. I can't have any more. But I will always feel sad. After 1 baby I said I was done, then came number 2, I was definitely done! Then number 3. So I know that if I had number 4 I would still be broody all over again. I have to find alternatives and accept the sadness

If you have some wriggle room though, you need to work out which compromise is the greatest.

I think with your update I would go for it. It sounds like financially you are secure in the long term it's just that you can't afford to move right now. We have four kids in a three bed. The baby is in with us and will be until we can afford to move house. We are similar in that we have savings which we are adding to and we will be able to afford a big enough house eventually but are just biding our time. I think it would be different if you would never be able to afford the upgrade. I think teens need their own space and rooms but primary school kids are fine to share. Not everyone agrees with this but that's how we do it with our family and it seems to work.

Could you not save your additional income for a larger deposit even if they won't take it into account for the mortgage?

And make this last baby cheap! Secondhand everything!

To have any reasonable extra deposit I think it would take us about three years. Which is how long it would take me to have a substantial salary increase.

So yes, we can't house this baby now. 3-5 years most likely. 10 years not a problem at all!

I had a c section so I know we shouldn't even start trying until baby is 1.

By the time this baby is a teenager his siblings will be adults living on their own or at uni.

The "new generation" could easily share a room until then and by then we would be laughing at the world anyways because if have full access to the trust and will be on a much higher salary.

BUT until we can move house things would be crowded at least 40% of the time.