Does anyone remember my thread about grandparents who wouldn’t tell me or DD where her dad is?

[MadeInFrance]

I can’t find the thread or the user name I was using at that time.

I just wanted to update anyone who doesn’t remember and who gave me advice. I actually took the advice of a few people and hired an online people tracing company. They found him within 48hrs.

I haven’t told the GP’s I know where he is or DD but I am planning on telling her. I’ve also told the CMS his new address.

I wanted to say thanks to everyone who replied

£3.50 a week. My god.

Still, that £60 will be well worth it for the mental image of his face when he gets the letter and knows that his midnight flit didn’t quite work.

Have you decided what to tell his parents if they ask?

Oh Yes I do remember the thread well now .Glad you have managed to track him down at last well done! What is it about these men who think they are bloody well never having to grow the fuck up and pay for their children!

The absolute kicker of this whole thing is the paragraph at the end of the whole letter which reads.
"If you need help managing your money please contact the Money Advice Service as soon as you can.
They offer free independent advice about how to make the best of your money, including budgeting,
dealing with debt and saving money on your household bills. To find out more, go
www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk"

HOW TO MAKE THE BEST OF YOUR MONEY.....go fuck yourself CMS

Don't spend it all at once, eh OP?

I suppose at least he knows he hasn't escaped now. What a disgrace of a payment system though.

Not defending him in the slightest but I don't imagine there's much spare when you're living off benefits. But at least the principle of him contributing to his dd's upkeep has been established.

I read the other day that Newquay is going to be the worst hit place in the country economically. So not much likelihood of him finding a job soon I guess...

WTAF?What on earth do they think they are playing at! £ 3.50 just about buys some milk and bread FFS! What a sick joke they are .Men just seem to be able to run away from their obligations ,and Society seems to just suck it up .Any woman who leaves her family is seen as hard and uncaring!Absolute shit .Sending hugs to you xx

Sounds like he is unemployed if he only has to pay that pittance to you 😡

As galling as the £3.50 is at least he is in the system and if he gets a job then it can be adjusted.

Why wasn’t it set up so the payer covers the fee? So he would pay £3.64 so you received your entire huge sum of £3.50.

What does he do for a living or what did he do before he did a flit? I’m wondering if now you know where he is, if you can keep an eye out on google or social media to see if he’s offering to do work for cash in hand?

@SimonJT, he does have to pay a fee too. Collect and pay charges the person who pays and charges the person who receives the money!

Had no choice to choose collect and pay as he refused to pay so I have to pay the fee. It’s to try and persuade people to come to an amicable arrangement without the CMS having to collect the money.

@SeasonFinale does have a really good point there though, if they collect directly from his benefits before they hit his bank then won't it be linked somehow to him? His national insurance maybe and when he gets a job it'll be taken from him without his say so? Not sure how it works but hopefully it's that 🤞

Please cut ties with the grandparents.

It's just so utterly horrible - it's like they are faking love, because really it's not love and loyalty, it's using your DD for the fun squishy feeling of being a grandparent but actually, letting her down so hugely and treating you, her mother, so absolutely poorly.

YOUR OWN LIFE, and they think they have the right to withhold information like that and still expect to be allowed in and to take the good bits - it's really sickening.

They have no right.

They would drop her faster than shit off a shovel if your delightful shit of an ex told them to.

And the absolute red hot anger I'd have at them sending photos to him.

Your DD doesn't need people like this in her life - it's like fake grandparents. Someone who loved her and respected you just couldn't treat you both like that, but you take it.

It’s pretty rubbish as a contribution op. If he’s on benefits, he doesn’t have any more though. My ex pays nothing but at least is a good dad who cares about dds.

In saying that, could you imagine if we mothers acted like so many fathers do? I cannot imagine abandoning dds and I would use my last penny to make a good life for them. Yet so many men (and a few women but overwhelmingly men) just don’t bother.

If he’s in Newquay he will have a job as things start opening up again.

Glad you found him. Even if it’s for £3.50.

£3.50 is shit but hopefully now they have his financial info he will have to pay more when he gets a job