Ex husband's new girlfriend and her rules

[JustOneLastThing]

Ex-h and I usually get on well, he has a new partner and so do I. I rang him to ask him something about our son, and later on that day he came to my door (to collect something) and asked me to not call him as she thinks we are going to get back together! (very fucking unlikely).
This couldn't be further from the truth. I have been asked to text him only and never to call him. I usually call to speak to my son and also once a day (usually the same phone call) to see how DS (8) has been. This was all part of the parenting plan which up until now has worked well.
To me, she seems insecure and a bit controlling, but I am also aware that we are fairly recently divorced and perhaps have been a bit naive that we could get on and co-parent seamlessly
Any thoughts mnetters?

This is a difficult one.
I can see an argument for both sides really.

Would it be possible to meet up and get to know her? Foster some positive relationship, and that might help her feel less insecure?
But at the same time, if my partners ex was calling daily, I’d be a bit miffed too.

Surely a call would be less worrying for her than you two texting all the time. Seems a bit odd.

Why did you two split? Is it possible he is letting her think you two are still 'close' to make her feel insecure? And he is telling you she has issues with you calling (or rather, you in general) to play you off against each other in future?

asked me to not call him as she thinks we are going to get back together!

I’m not doubting you but that sounds highly unlikely.

Is it possible he’s the one who wants the calls to stop? Does he call you every day that DS is with you?

Surely a call would be less worrying for her than you two texting all the time. Yes, on one hand. But on the other a call is expecting an answer straight away and could be seen as intrusive while a text can be answered at a later time.

Yes, he calls at least once during each day I have DS. We have 50/50 care of DS so we are apart from him 3.5 days a week each so it's a long time to go without speaking to him. Now I have to text and wait for ex-h to read it and respond. He's shite at answering texts which is also a frustration and hence why I usually call.

I promise you, those were his words. And no, he doesn't want to get back with me. It's all a bit irritating tbh.

@Bookaholic73 sadly not, they are in a ldr, she lives 200miles away and doesn't drive 🙄

She's being ridiculous. You have a child together. I call and message my ex often about our DS, and he actually came over to do some work in my house the other day as I've just moved to a new property. His girlfriend has no issues with it, she knows that we co parent and get along well. There is nothing romantic between us at all any more.

How does she know you’re calling if they are in a LDR??

We split because we had grown apart and he and I were no longer in love.

He's lying. He doesn't want to talk to you and blaming her.

Your son's 8 not 12 so a quick conversation with you before passing the phone to your son is not out of order.

I suggest you tell him until your son goes to secondary school and has his own phone, you will need to discuss any child related matters directly with him. Then make the conversations as quick as possible.

Also when you don't want to talk to him on the phone then email don't text. That way if there is any conflict later on for example because your son decides to be a teenage git you will both have a record of the issues.

@CodenameVillanelle I assume he has told her or she has been there. He has been breaking lockdown rules to see her throughout

I believe you! I was doubting what he said which sounds like bollocks, not how you described it.

If they don’t live together she’s not going to be there most of the time when he calls so unless she’s bugging his phone she only knows what he tells her and you and he both know it’s up to him how you communicate about your son. Be annoyed he’s changed his mind about calls and by all means say you won’t answer his and it can all be by text, don’t blame her.

If this is definitely not coming from him then I would wonder who else she is trying to control his contact with.

She can't stop you from contacting your son. If this is going to be a long term relationship for your ex then he needs to set some firm boundaries, and soon.

Just called DS on the house phone and ex-h answered. Told him that i'm not willing to lie to DS about why I can't call him on his Dads mobile anymore and he said it would upset DS to hear that. Erm, no shit Sherlock!

I call bullshit. You have children together, of course you are going to call each other. DH speaks to his ex on the phone regularly and I have no issue with it, nor when she rings when DSD is here every night to say goodnight and see what she has done during the day. Its called modelling good relationships and doing the beat for the children you jointly have. The gfs feelings are her own and not in favour in of the children you have together. Your child has every right to speak to their other parent when they are not with you, and her rules sound both nurotic and insecure. If you want to date a man with children you have to accept that there will be communication with the ex. If you cant handle that then dont get with a man with children. I'd be furious, but more furious with the ex for going along with it

OP credit to you for managing what thousands of divorced parents have not.. maintained a cordial respectful relationship with your childrens Father...

I'd would not be agreeing to no calls ever again.. there are many reasons for this... the most important one being.. you have children together and sometimes text just doesn't cut it...
So I would tell you ex.. to please reassure his new partner that you are not a threat.. and he should be doing this himself... but in order to co-parent you may at times call... her insecurities should not interfere/damage the very good balance you guys have managed to achieve...

If what you're saying is accurate, your ex needs to grow a pair and I would tell him so. You have a child together, ffs. You need to be able to speak to him when needed. If he doesn't set his girlfriend straight, I guarantee her demands and controlong behaviour won't end there.

Get your son his own mobile and call him on that?
How much do you need to actually say to exH on a daily basis?

She does sound insecure. But I think twice daily phone calls from an ex is a bit over the top. So I see where she is coming from.

I don't think he should be allowing his new partner to be setting silly rules like these.

You are both co-parenting together. You have a son. He shouldn't be jeopardising the good relationship between you. Continue as you are.

I would text, give it 30 mins and if he has not responded call band keep doing that. You have done as requested, he has not answered his problem

My sister and her ex phone each other to discuss childcare arrangements etc sometimes her exes new partner calls my sister about arrangements too. I don't see an issue perhaps she feels threathend.

Can DS have a cheap brick phone so you call him direct and his dad does the same? Only given to him for those calls, not for other purposes.

The child is 8, it isn't appropriate to buy him a phone and expect him to manage these calls in order to protect an adults feelings.

One of the worst things for children of separated parents can be to bare the brunt of adults who are incapable of managing their own issues.

Whether it comes from him or from her, I do think it is unusual to speak to your ex every day. It's great that you're amicable, but every day does seem excessive. And email or text has the advantage of giving a written record of exactly what was discussed and agreed. I think you are being a bit unreasonable, but I see from other comments on this thread that mine is a minority view.