Appropriate way to drink Alcohol.

[Zarahmoo]

Hey I have a question. What is the appropriate way to drink alcohol when you have a family?
The reason why I ask: I had a bottle of rose wine once a month. Starting in March. My partner believes that I'm being irresponsible, because I look after the girls the next day. We usually go to bed at 9pm, because of his job.
However if I'm drinking I make sure all jobs are done like cleaning ect. Girls are fine and sleeping. So I drink the bottle and would probably finish 10.30 ish. Now it doesn't get me sloppy drunk. But before I go to bed I drink alot of water, even have something to eat. So I can sober myself up before going to bed.
For me the next day it's feels like I hadn't had a long sleep. But I feel like I'm just as active as if I didn't drink the night before. In fact I feel kinda recharge, after having so time for myself. I know my limits. I know if I drink three bottles I'll probably be sloppy, but I won't do it.
Unfortunately with my circumstances I don't get time to myself. My partner won't look after the girls without me being there. So one evening a month feels okay to drink.
I feel he and his family has a weird view on alcohol.
I'm at a lost. Am I wrong?

You drink once a month and he thinks that’s an issue? He is being completely unreasonable. I assume he doesn’t drink at all?

Are the girls his daughters?

My partner won't look after the girls without me being there

What the hell? May not have been the point of your post - but this is a bigger issue to me.

Personally, I wouldn't drink a bottle in one night (anymore). I'd prefer to have a glass or two on a night. But that is my preference. I find a bottle in one night has too much of an effect on my sleep and I feel rubbish the next day.

That’s a huge binge.
And you won’t sober yourself up by drinking water or eating. It takes time.
Why can’t you have a glass or two rather than about 9 units once a month?
Partner won’t look after the girls?? Are they his kids? How old are they? Why can’t you enjoy a single drink once they’ve gone to bed??

One bottle is not a binge!

I think it's fine honestly asking around a lot of people aren't getting the cork back in the bottle on a nightly basis since Corona started kicking about.

Roughly alcohol leaves your body at 1 unit per hour. So if you have ten units in a bottle. It would have left your system by 8:30am the next day. It's not the healthiest way to consume alchohol but I suspect monthly won't do you much harm.

Well technically it is a binge because it's more than 6 units.

But that aside, you're fine OP. That's probably a lot less than a lot of parents drink! I couldn't personally handle a bottle in one night anymore without feeling like I was going to die the next day, but if you're not falling about the place drunk then I can't see the problem. Actually even if you were falling about the place drunk I can't see the problem, because your DH is presumably sober in case the kids need one of you.

'My partner won't look after the girls without me being there'

This is your problem, not the drinking. Are they his children?

A bottle of wine isnt an outrageous amount to drink occasionally. Plenty of people drink that regularly. He sounds extremely controlling, and not just about your drinking

Ignore him and enjoy your wine OP!

The appropriate way to drink alcohol to me is not to exceed my weekly units and not get drunk if DS is with me. Other than that I don't have rules.

I drink a couple of bottles of cider or a couple of spirit and mixers on Fridays and Saturdays. I drink more if DS is at his dad's for the weekend and I have a night out (divorced).

A bottle of wine is a binge. It’s not healthy.
And if you’re not feeling drunk? It doesn’t mean it’s not affecting you. You have just built a tolerance.
Just because other people binge doesn’t make it normal or healthy.
Smaller amounts. But maybe more than once a month?

You'll usually get no more than 4 glasses in total, and only three if servings are 250ml each.

I'm teetotal and even I wouldn't have a problem with your drinking. Your DH sounds like a useless dad by the way. What parent can't take care of their kids? Does he drink?

I have a bottle of wine ish, once a week usually a Friday or Saturday. I also have a young child. It doesn't make me drunk, just enjoy the feeling and it relaxes me.

A lot of people would say I'm bingeing but I'd rather have three glasses once a week than have a couple of glasses every single night.

I think your partner is being silly.

I also want to know why he can't look after the kids by himself, that would be the big issue for me. I think your drinking is fine.

I don't think alcohol is the problem here. And I hate alcohol!

Drinking once a month is fine. Drinking a whole bottle in one go not so fine. I wouldn't be happy someone half cut was looking after the children. What if the smoke alarm went off just as you went into a deep alcohol induced sleep?

I'm a sober alcoholic, and although a bottle is in reality a far bit, at a once a month treat, you have nothing to worry about and I think that's perfectly acceptable.

But they’re talking about the next day, pinktaxi the partner is there overnight.

So whose children are they?
If they are yours, do you never get any time off?
If they are his, why isn’t he looking after them without you?

I'm an ex drinker and feel quite militant about our alcho centric society... but jesus, that is not a problem.

What your partner says and what he means are two different things.

He's saying 'that's not responsible' but what he means is:

• I'm not happy with the concept of you having any down time at all
• a child may wake up in the night and I might have to deal with that child, I'm not prepared to do that
• I demand my children are cared for at a very high level at all times. But I'm not prepared to provide any of that care. Therefore I can't allow you to do anything that may affect the level of care you can give.
• I use our children to control you and guilt trip you
• I'm very worried that your one night off, in the house, might escalated. Before I know it, you might want to meet a friend out of the house for a drink one night. I cannot allow this.

Your partner is a controlling shit, in other words and it's not about how and when you drink at all.

Who looks after the kids when you're ill?

I'm amazed you can drink one bottle in a night and not feel drunk or hungover especially as you drink infrequently (unless it's one of those fruity 6% or less ones) I drink much more regularly than you but couldn't drink a bottle in a whole night.

Anyway I don't think you're being unreasonable. Even if I did drink one bottle and I felt a bit rubbish, I could still take care of my kids ok for the one day of the month it happened!

Sorry I've should of mention that they are his children.
When ever he is left with the girls I found him on his xbox or watching his programs. Yes in time to time he will play with them. But it's not always. I know he works full time, so I guess I allowed this behaviour continue. When ever I asked him to look after them, he'll just hover over me. Even if the girls are crying etc. He also says he needs to be shown how to do stuff with the girls.
But the fight we had about alcohol was terrible. I rarely drink since having kids. But I don't want to irresponsible and he just made me feel terrible.
When I was in my late teens, I would drink stupid amounts. But I feel like I've grown out it.

Your "drinking" isn't the problem here.

Like wot Bernadette said.