Brother has been arrested....

[cantChooseYourRelatives]

I've NC for this but my brother has been arrested.

It's not entirely surprising as his life has spiralling for as long as I can remember. I went NC at the beginning of the year as I'd had enough.

Apparently the police turned up at his ex GF house - they have 2 kids together. And told her he'd been arrested and he was to not have any unsupervised contact with his kids.
They wouldn't say what he has done.

My brother is prone to lies and you never know the full story. Is there or will there be anyway of finding out what he has been arrested for?

given that even the OP doesn’t know what he’s been arrested for, it’s a bit off to state that she must “already know that he’s a paedophile.”

Also, while I have no doubt that the ex would be warned not to let him have unsupervised access to the DC, I highly doubt they would do that on the Same night he was arrested, while he was still in custody. In fact I imagine that the only way that would happen so soon would be if they’d gone round to the ex’s house to see if there was e.g. any evidence there. At any rate I imagine that your SIL knows a lot more than she’s letting on, and quite possibly doesn’t want to disclose because she’s essentially an outsider, iyswim.

As for your parents, it seems you want them to go NC because you have. But regardless of what you’re thinking/feeling, it has to be up to your parents what they do. He’s their son and it’s just not always that simple for a parent. You have to just let them get on with their lives and get on with your own.

Presumably your kids spend time
With your parents without you and the risk is that they see your brother at the same time. I think you are right in the realm of Sarah's law and would be making a request pronto. Better that than to wish you had.

@AlternativePerspective

Oh yeah I totally want them to go NC.... we are not talking about someone in the 20s here...

We literally just hop from one car crash after another with him. Even though I'm NC with him in directly, as in he can no longer bombard me with a stream of messages or phone calls, I still hear about him. Not a week goes by without my mum ringing me because she needs to vent over what he has done that week.

I have absolutely no doubt it is a hard decision to make, but my parents are well into their 60s and the stress of dealing with him will send them to an early grave. So yes I wish they would go NC. For their sakes!

I just cannot fathom how someone can be so selfish to those that do the most for him.

When my parents are no longer around he will literally be up shits creak! No more bail outs, no more guarantors, no more passes, no more help and guidance... not that he ever takes it.
What on Earth do you do for someone like that!

No my mum doesn't consider him a danger to children...

Then unfortunately she isn't safe to leave your kids with either, as she'll be willing to leave the kids in his company to "prove" to him that he's trustworthy. This is a very common dynamic in such families.

Whatever this "incident" with a child was, it sounds relevant. And the police don't make a special visit to tell a women not to allow the father of her child contact simply because his house is grubby. They don't. Given his devices were seized, it'll likely be child rape images and videos.

@dancingonmycervix

I don't think there would ever be the occasion where they would mix to be honest. He's not the type to pop over for tea or anything plus lives a drive away from them but has no license or car and never has any money to get public transport. My mum certainly wouldn't pop round to his either.

But yes I will be making it clear to my mum, regardless to what he has been arrested for, that he is not to have any access to my child. Full stop. Non negotiable.

Don't take any chances, they are enablers. They often think that kind of boundary is unfair so try to facilitate contact secretly.

Apparently when anyone is arrested, they take your phone.
Which makes sense as you wouldn't be allowed your phone in a cell!

My child has never spent time alone with him.

We are not close and haven't been for years. We only ever see him at Christmas and birthdays.

My parents will actively avoid having to see or speak to him. They know if he isn't calling then hes best left alone and they take the peace and quiet while they can!

But if you had it on you, in a
Pocket or something they would take it?

We have no idea where he was arrested... at home, out and about .

My parents just don't know what to do with him. They don't want to cut him off because they know he will go down hill fast... rent and bills won't be paid, he will be evicted, he will then turn up on their doorstep with no where to go. So they then have to decide to let him in or sit on the streets. So they choose to keep him ticking over in his own place as best they can... it means they don't have to face the ultimate decision.

As a parent myself I totally get it but I do believe they are just delaying the inevitable.

I feel very sorry for your parents OP, I have a BIL who is a complete waster too. Abusive and horrible to the parents who have supported him his whole life. I have nothing but sympathy for those who find themselves in this position.

FWIW I understand why you want to know what he has been charged with. It would be horrible if you were just confronted with the information one day, by stumbling across a news report or being asked by a casual acquaintance.

Good luck to you.

If you have little contact with your brother I doubt you can access Sarah's law.

The Police have provided guidance 're GF's children and you should adhere to this. They consider him a risk to children

If you are arrested with your phone the police keep it in a bag in custody and the detainee isn’t allowed it until they are released. If it has evidential value then they can keep it, similarly they can search a house for evidence and seize phones/ computers etc where there might be relevant evidence. Obviously this won’t occur for drink driving as a previously poster mentioned as there would be no evidential value.

If it it is a sex type offence relating to children, the police will normally contact people in the family where there are children as a safeguarding matter and also to enquire about any possible behaviour as part of their investigations. Generally though, the police do not give out details of offences although if the person is charged and taken to court, the circumstances are read out in court (which is open to the public) at the first appearance. Other than being in court, unless the matter appears in the media, there is still no way to access this information.

Please protect your kids from your Mum if he's out on bail and until you find out what for.

My Gran and Mum didn't believe my Grandad was a risk to children at all, unfortunately my personal experience and others with him as a child would state otherwise.

It’s applicable to anyone. Anyone can request disclosure under sarah’s law

Whilst anyone can request a disclosure, the request won't be upheld unless a person is having access to/contact with children.

If the OP is NC with her brother, she'd have to lie to the police about still being in contact and the children having contact. Which would raise a safeguarding alert with the LA and possibly result in a SS investigation if the outcome is relevant.

She wouldn't have to lie. He may be present at a family gathering, or her mother may try to facilitate access.

Thelnebriati

They make 3 levels of discourse if they have something to disclose: full disclosure; partial disclosure and that there is a relevant conviction but they are not going to say any more.

All that it does is trigger a safeguarding alert to the LA who might decide to understand an Initial Assessment to ensure that you are able to safeguard your children, that you have an appropriate support network and to assess whether the children are currently at risk, are likely to have been at risk in the past and hour ability to protect them in the future.

Given that the police have already told the OP not to allow any contact and that there has been an arrest, there is nothing for them to disclose. She isnt entitled to know the details of the conviction and she already knows enough to know how to keep the children safe.

A disclosure wouldn't make any difference to him being at a family gathering or her mother facilitating contact. She already knows there is a risk. That is hers to mitigate and manage. There is nothing else that would happen.

Did the police talk to OP? I thought they spoke to her sister in law.

It doesn't matter.

The CSODS exists for parents to make enquiries about someone who has close contact with their children (eg a new partner in the family) where their risk is unknown.

In the OP's case, she already knows there is a risk and so knows to safeguard her children herself.

Even if the police did make a disclosure, it's not going to change whether the brother attends family gatherings or what her mother might try and do.

She has all the information she needs to safeguard her children from him.