I'm so jealous of my pregnant friend. I feel dreadful.

[TheOptimisticSideofMaybe]

She's finding it hard but I can't support her. She's not sick, just struggling with how much weight she's put on and really missing working.

I just have no sympathy :( I want what she has so badly. I'd put on ten stone and lock myself in my house for a year if I had a husband and a baby.

How do I get over this?!

You just do. It'll be okay. Don't say anything.

Struggling with how much weight you’ve put on and missing working are valid feelings.

She’s allowed to feel upset about gaining weight. It’s not her fault you don’t have what she does

I'm sorry.

Don't beat yourself up. It's really hard when you feel life isn't working out how you want. And terrifying.

@Tabithha she's not blaming her friend she's reaching out for help on a forum and being honest as she obviously can't say this to her friend.

@TheOptimisticSideofMaybe I know how you feel - the heart ache of wanting something so bad and then it happenjng to someone so close to you. It's okay to feel jealous and it's ok to feel sad. I don't know your circumstance but I lost a baby at 22 weeks and then had to work with two close friends who were at the same stage in pregnancy as me. I hope you have good family and friend support around you to be able to vent your feelings and you will find that strength deep down

I am so sorry mumtobe.

I know it's not her fault and I know her feelings are so valid but it's so hard :(

The grass is always greener on the other side. If you can't support or be happy for her, maybe distance yourself from her until you can as that's not healthy energy for either of you. I hope you find your own happiness one day soon

You don’t need to support her, I’m sure she has other friends, family, a partner to lean on. You sound like you’re struggling with life not being what you hoped at this point and it’s okay to protect yourself.

Does she know how you feel?

Her experiences are entirely valid but it’s not your job to be her person.

I feel you. There's almost no chance of us conceiving and so many friends have fallen pregnant/had babies recently. Sister in law got caught within two cycles.
It's SO hard. While you're happy for them, you're sad for you. And that's ok! Just don't mention it to your friend, which I'm sure you wouldn't.

Be kind to yourself

The grass is always greener on the other side

Not clear what that’s meant to mean in this context but it sounds like a platitude.

Its one of the hardest feelings I've dealt with op.

Her feelings are valid. So are yours. I'm sorry you're having fertility issues, it must be awful.

Please do be kind to her though. I'm pregnant and it's tough feeling so isolated, your body changing, everything changing . It isn't her fault that you're struggling; can't you be kind to your friend?

Gosh, I know that feeling all too well. I saw so many people have children while I was still having years of fertility treatments. Especially the ones that always said they never wanted kids, and that it wasn't cool, really, really hurt when they decided to have kids and got pregnant without a problem. Actually, I'm still pissed off about that. They made me feel frumpy for wanting kids and then went on to have what I tried for for so long.

You know what, it's perfectly valid and normal to feel like this. Just don't ever show it or say it in real life. It sounds bitchy and people don't get that it's not bitchy, but pure pain.

I am so happy for her, I really am. I think it would be easier to celebrate with her, and maybe lockdown has got in the way of all that.

She knows that I want a family and she knows I'm single, but she doesn't know how much it hurts. Everything just worked out for her.

Jesus some of these comments. OP do what you need to do for your own sanity. If she knows what you’re going through then she could at least find someone else to vent to. For some people, putting on a brave face is what helps them get through; for others, stepping away from the situation for a while is more helpful.

OP I actually think you can tell her how you feel. As others have said it's okay for you to feel jealous and sad and it's okay for her to be finding things difficult. You can both empathise gently without it being upsetting to the other. (unless she has absolutely no self insight) but you're friends for a reason and one of those reasons should be that you like each other.

Not sure I've helped but it's a tough situation and you're doing grand. It's irritating when some people appear to get everything for nothing.
Xx

You did help. I think it even helped to write it down.

I think she thinks she is venting to u about the negative to make u feel better and that it’s not greener on her side.

But I think her approach is wrong. Well meaning but wrong.

Are you at an age where children could still be an option if you don't mind me asking? I know you mentioned above you were single.
X

I'm 'only' thirty. I've just always really struggled with relationships and never even progressed to having a boyfriend, let alone considering trying to have a baby.

You know what, babe, if this is really something that you want - be aware that time starts to go REALLY quickly now. I am two years on from you, it's felt like it's gone in the blink of an eye and do you know what has changed : nothing!!!!!! Because i did nothing. I thought it would happen by itself. It DOESN'T. If you want the man and the baby - time to do homework! Do one online date a WEEK. treat this as you would getting a new job. Focus on that and leave your friend to sort herself out; so she got a bit fat, boofuckinghoo. I think people these days forget that they have the right to a bemused reaction!!! Did she not look up anything to do with pregnancy or something? Just roll your eyes and laugh.

You've made me laugh anyway livefornaps.

I find dating really gruelling. I'm going to try one date a month from now on. I'm quite homely and not very glam so not really anyone's first swiping choice. I come off so much better IRL and even that's not worked out

Don't worry, i hate online dating, too . I am great at doling out the advice but i hate the thought of gritting my teeth and getting on with going out with randomers. Good luck to you. Look after yourself. You don't have to be everyone's confidante. Carve out some time for yourself.

You too

@TheOptimisticSideofMaybe

You've probably heard this before but honestly you have plenty of time. Your young and the right person will come along.
Focus on yourself and your happiness.
Write down some mini goals you could set yourself - this could take away some focus from your pregnant friend. If your close to your friend it might be good to message her that your feeling abit tender about her pregnancy news and she should respect your honesty.
I don't know why you have said your not very glam- what's that got to do with anything! Your your own person and someone will come along and love you for who you are!
Negative thoughts will continue to drag you down. Focus on your future, vision yourself with your future happy family if that's a long term goal for you!
In life were always going to see things we really want but can't have or become jealous of people - but that is just life and it's just about finding the strength deep down to shake off that awful feeling off and carry on and be grateful for what you already have. x x