How much beer for 18yo male?

[LaChatte]

DS is about to turn 18 and would like to start drinking alcohol, more precisely beer. DH and I dont drink at all so have no idea what is 'normal' and dont even know where to start looking, I've read about advised maximum units for men and women but doesn't it depend on you height and weight too?

He is also learning to drive so is there a way he can work out how much he can drink over a certain period without it being dangerous (not talking about having a few beers and then driving straight away, more like if he has a drink in the morning will he be ok driving that afternoon/evening/following day)?

So as not to drip feed, I will add that DS's dad was an alcoholic and died as a direct result (fell down the stairs while drunk).

Also, we are in France, but I think the drink driving limit is the same.

@dementedma I was hoping DS would be the same, no such luck. He's only been drunk once, shortly after his 17th birthday (other than that he'd only had a glass or two of mild cider), and he was so ill he swore he'd never do it again (ha!).

I suppose it depends on personal circumstances but to me (in usual times at least) a beer with friends is a sociable thing, wanting a beer at home alone is sometimes an indication of problem drinking and is often how it starts.

His dad died when he was 12, I have talked to him about it, and about alcohol in general and drugs, but because we don't drink I don't know much about non alcoholic people's drinking habits.

He didn't spend a huge amount if time with his dad and I don't know exactly at which point he became an alcoholic (he'd always had addiction problems in the past though).

Drinking alone isn't necessarily a sign of a problem. I had a can of beer last night. I was alone. I don't have a problem. I maybe drink 2-3 nights a week. I do get drunk sometimes, but not alone, that would generally be out with friends. A breakfast beer happens occasionally- but mainly festivals!

I've just come in from an afternoon spent gardening and I've sat down with a cold fizzy drink before supper, it feels like it would be a beer if I was a drinker.

DS who mostly 'socialises' online thinks now would be an appropriate time to have a beer with friends in VR (I did suggest he had a virtual beer but he wasn't impressed).

This is so strange. It seems like he doesn't really want the beer. I have never known anyone tie themselves up in such knots about what and when is appropriate. If he has to put so much thought to it maybe you could suggest he has an alternative like a soft drink?

I only started getting in knots after he came down this morning. I thought perhaps I was being unreasonable in saying it was too early for a beer and realised I had no idea of what was normal, hence the post. I'm worried due to what happened to his dad, and just want him to be able to drink responsibly if that's what he wants to do.

I completely understand why you're asking this question given his Dad's history and he's not grown up around people having a functional alcohol relationship if you don't drink. I grew up drinking, and both DH and I are from families with alcoholics. Neither of us drinks now but it's given us both a strong sense of what functional and dysfunctional habits are with alcohol.

As a ground rule, I wouldn't even bother entertaining driving after any drink as it's not worth the risk. I would give it 12 hours unless the drinking was excessive in which case I'd say 24.

For an 18-year-old, I'd also suggest no beer on a school night and limit it to either meal times or socialising (that can include virtual!).

It would be good to ensure he understands about alcohol and emotions. For example, going for a drink if you're wound up/stressed/anxious may provide temporary relief but it generally worsens those feelings once you're sober, and the association of relief can cause dependency.

Alcohol is often a crutch that's used where people don't have adequate measures for coping with emotions. He probably sees his Dad's alcoholism as very different to his alcohol consumption, so he won't necessarily understand what a dependent pattern of drinking can look like in its early stages.

I would be worried too but I'm wondering if you should have a chat with him? A lot of people start drinking because of peer pressure. I gave up alcohol last year for health reasons and I was shocked to find out how many people don't drink at all. I'd never noticed before because I always gravitated towards drinkers. Maybe he is drinking because he feels he should now he's 18?
I have a 17 year old and I have told him I'd prefer him never to drink, its entirely up to him but my house is an alcohol free zone and always will be.
I drank more than was healthy and his father too.
I just don't want my children to feel that drinking at home is the norm.