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Original poster

How much beer for 18yo male?

59 replies

LaChatte · 13/06/2020 10:35

DS is about to turn 18 and would like to start drinking alcohol, more precisely beer. DH and I dont drink at all so have no idea what is 'normal' and dont even know where to start looking, I've read about advised maximum units for men and women but doesn't it depend on you height and weight too?

He is also learning to drive so is there a way he can work out how much he can drink over a certain period without it being dangerous (not talking about having a few beers and then driving straight away, more like if he has a drink in the morning will he be ok driving that afternoon/evening/following day)?

So as not to drip feed, I will add that DS's dad was an alcoholic and died as a direct result (fell down the stairs while drunk).

Also, we are in France, but I think the drink driving limit is the same.

OP posts:
Minniee · 13/06/2020 11:59

My DSs drink quite often but have been doing so since about 16.

If one of them reached for a beer at10am I'd be concerned. That's not normal drinking.

Original poster
LaChatte · 13/06/2020 12:01

Also I haven't experienced living with an alcoholic, I didn't live with his DDad.

He didn't drink a beer at 10am because I told him I didn't think it was normal. I'm asking what is normal, thatnk you to those who replied, I figured evenings was ok. He doesn't plan on drinking during the week.

Going pit for pints with his mates like everyone else isn't the norm here. People go out for lunch and drink beer with it. You can get beer as part of a McDonald's meal in France.

OP posts:
Sally872 · 13/06/2020 12:05

Basic rules for me are no drinking before 1pm, only Thurs- Sun (2 out of the 4 days not each day) and don't be drunk/hungover.

So personally a large wine or two if on my own. Up to a bottle if socialising.

I would buy him 8 bottles of beer and suggest not to drink all at once and not before lunchtime.

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Original poster
LaChatte · 13/06/2020 12:06

Going for pints

OP posts:
YeOldeTrout · 13/06/2020 12:06

Today is hot so I slightly get it...
If there is alcoholism in the family then encourage him to other habits & to make it a small part of his life. One cold beer the occasional hot afternoon when he won't be driving anywhere else for hours, ideally any driving only after a meal.

My young adult DC love to get sozzled at a party or with friends but rarely drink at home. They both like spirits best, Schnapps or Southern comfort with lemonade, etc.

dementedpixie · 13/06/2020 12:08

In the UK maximum units recommended per week is 14 for both men and women which is about 6 pints of average strength beer. Advised to spread that amount over several days and to have alcohol free days.

Morning drinking is not OK really. If we have a drink its with our evening meal or afterwards. Takes around an hour to clear 1 unit from your body but there could be 2-3 units in 1 drink depending how strong it is

AudacityOfHope · 13/06/2020 12:33

So in that case he's presumably been around a lot of his peers who have started to drink, and so has seen what's considered culturally normal? This idea that alcohol is so foreign a concept that anybody thinks a mid-morning beer is the same as putting the kettle on...who lives in that much of a bubble?

DeepfriedPizza · 13/06/2020 12:35

Maybe get him a breathalyser so he can see that he is safe to drive

RJnomore1 · 13/06/2020 12:39

This is a really weird thread.

Is he really in a situation at 18 that he has no idea from friendship groups, family or colleagues around normal drinking to the level his mother is trying to research to control his intake and hes in the fridge at 10 looking for a beer?

Does this not strike anyone else as rather bizarre?

DurhamDurham · 13/06/2020 13:02

I do wonder if people actually read what is written

You were the one who has mentioned drinking in the morning twice. The first time in your original post when you wondered when he'd be safe to drive if he had a drink in the morning. The second mention was when your son went to get a beer from the fridge but you said perhaps he should have a cup of tea because it was the morning.

Original poster
LaChatte · 13/06/2020 13:16

He didn't have the beer, he came down and took it out of the fridge but I said I didn't think it was normal so he had a cup of tea instead.

His friends don't drink except for at parties. He asked me to add some beer to the shopping yesterday so I did. He doesn't smoke or do drugs, I'm not particularly happy that he wants to drink at all, but I'm not going to stop him. I genuinely don't know what is acceptable, and don't want him following in his father's footsteps.

I think he was thirsty and wanted something more interesting than water, hence reaching for the beer, but he doesn't have any references other than his dad drinking wine by the bottle.

I'm asking on mumsnet because I don't know who to ask in real life without sounding like a plank (I have no issues with sounding like one on an anonymous forum).

OP posts:
Sk1nnyB1tch · 13/06/2020 13:20

I just I think it's very sensible of you/your son to think about his drinking.
There is a genetic component to alcoholism and people who are at risk of being predisposed do need to be more aware of their habits.
If in distress/joy/bored I reach for food.
I'm only interested in alcohol if there will be company and chatting, laughing, dancing.
I didn't need to worry about drinking to excess in my teens/twenties because it would never occur to me to drink alone.
I do need to be concerned with food intake and obesity but not alcohol.
Equally other people will not have to worry about either alcohol or food but should maybe give the bingo a miss.
We all have different vulnerabilities and if you have one it's good to develop a strategy around managing it.

QueenCT · 13/06/2020 13:21

I don't drink much at all but I would

Have a cider/beer at lunchtime if I wasn't driving anywhere that day, usually if it was warm, I was off work/out with friends
Have a drink in the evening if I wasn't driving the next morning so usually Friday/Saturdays
Would have 3-4 days a week with no alcohol

My parents run pubs so my reference is also off - I grew up with them being very easy going on me tasting stuff but also surrounded by people with alcohol issues. I find I'm very intolerant of people who drink every night

Original poster
LaChatte · 13/06/2020 13:21

We have alcokits in the car (they were compulsory here a few years ago), but I'd like him to be able to make an informed choice beforehand and not just drink random amounts and test to see when he goes over the limit. There is no question of him driving just after having a drink or drinking at 10am.

OP posts:
BilboBercow · 13/06/2020 13:34

OP surely you are better at understanding what's normal in France than we are?

Your son is an adult so yes offer guidance but he has to find his own way like we all did at 18

Original poster
LaChatte · 13/06/2020 14:16

Not sure what the norms are here, that's just it. Whenever we go out or go to people's houses, they drink beer or pastis or something along those lines, I wondered what was normal within the private sphere of life when not entertaining.

I just got DS to read this thread, he won't be grabbing a beer when he gets up from now on.

Can't remember who said it, but he didn't ask me to research anything, I was the one who asked him to look up the rules for driving safely (all they taught at the driving school was that you had to be below 0.5 and it was generally better to not drink at all, but my question was how long to leave it before he could drive hypothetically so he could plan accordingly).

Thank you to those who have given useful advice!

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 13/06/2020 14:16

You keep talking about witnessing his dad drinking wine by the bottle, but you didn't live with his dad? The breakfast beer is worrying.

Does he talk about his dad's alcoholism?

Original poster
LaChatte · 13/06/2020 14:18

He saw his dad's drinking habits when he went to stay with him (which ended when a neighbour phoned us to warn us that DS wasn't being looked after properly).

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 13/06/2020 14:20

I just wouldn't drink anything if planning on driving that same day. And watch intake in the evening if driving in the morning too. We tend only to drink on a Friday and Saturday night

Original poster
LaChatte · 13/06/2020 14:22

He doesn't talk much about his dad, I had no idea how bad it was until the last time I picked him up and saw what a state his DDad was in. DS didn't ever say anything, I assume to protect him. He loved him very much despite the alcohol issues.

OP posts:
WowLucky · 13/06/2020 14:24

I don't think you can measure beer for your 18yo.

Don't have any at all if driving (is my rule for me) and if I've been staggering drunk (v. rare) not the next day either. Otherwise fine to drive in the morning.

Apart from that he'll work it out himself. At least once he will get it badly wrong and he'll learn from that.

In terms of a safe attitude to drinking, I think drinking alone is a slippery slope and the yard arm thing is there for a reason, so no drinking on your own and not during the day are sensible rules to impose on himself.

Original poster
LaChatte · 13/06/2020 14:25

I think not drinking the same day or the following day if drinking too much in the evening sounds sensible, and will encourage him to go with that.

OP posts:
dementedma · 13/06/2020 14:25

DS turned 18 in January and has yet to have an alcoholic drink! Just says he doesnt fancy it and "someone has to look after all the drunk ones". Hope it lasts, as we have a history of heavy drinking in the family.

Original poster
LaChatte · 13/06/2020 14:26

Sorry last post was with reference to drinking and driving.

Drinking beer on his own isn't a good idea either then?

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 13/06/2020 14:29

I'd be really worried at how much of his dads drinking habits he witnessed, I think you need to have a conversation about it.

How long ago did his dad die?

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