I don’t think I have an eating disorder... Or do I?

[HelpIHaveNothingToWear]

Let me preempt this by saying I know you lot any diagnose me and I should probably see my GP, but I was just wondering if anyone has experienced similar... Annd whether it got better!

I usually have a healthy relationship with food and a positive body image.

But when I get anxious I find myself unable to eat. Then my appetite descreases and I eat even less, and even though I know it’s unhealthy, I sort of enjoy the hunger, and then the hunger going away. I also weigh myself a lot and enjoy the weight loss.

Like for many people the last few months have been stressful and since May I have lost 15lb (7kg). I am still a healthy BMI (19.1) though I know it’s not healthy to lose weight like this.

I think I do it (not eat) because it is something I can control when everything else feels out of control.

But I don’t have many of the other signs of an eating disorder:

• I’m not underweight
• I don’t have a negative body image
• I’m not scared of high calorie food (for example sometimes I will have chips and enjoy it, but then I’ll eat very little rest rest of the time)
• I don’t overexercise

Basically my only problem is that I severely restrict my food intake for no apparent reason. Has anyone had this issue and how did you overcome it?

Telling me to “just eat more” won’t help. On some level I want to eat and I know I need it, but I just can’t...

Here’s what I might eat in a typical day at the moment.

One day:

Midday: apple and a few almonds
6pm: burger in a bun with cheese and salad

Another day:
Midday: smoothie (yoghurt and fruit)
4pm: small plate of blueberries, cucumber, a few almonds and some cubes of cheese.
Lots of coffee.

I know this is not enough calories☹️

'my only problem is that I severely restrict my food intake'. That's quite a big problem though right? I assume you're posting because you're struggling to tackle this alone. If you're not underweight now surely you soon will be if you can't get a handle on this?

As you so rightly say, we can't diagnose you on here but I think you should be seeking help from a GP before it gets worse.

You sound similar to my son's gf who also has a very restricted intake. I dont know the ins and outs of her eating disorder but I know she has a diagnosis of one and it is not bulimia or anorexia. The fact that you say you know you should eat more but just cant is worrying. I would recommend you see a GP, if only to talk things through.

I could relate to your first post. I dont have an eating disorder but when anxious or worried my appetite decreases. I never comfort eat for example as for me it isnt comforting.

However I love and enjoy food and eat 3 meals a day. If I snack though I feel guilty the next day and I actively enjoy the feeling of going to bed hungry which is odd. I feel a sense of accomplishment.

However from your second post regarding what you eat in a day.. this doesn't seem healthy. Is this most days, do you ever have 3 meals a day? Or proper meals?

Not all eating disorders are the same. If you severely restrict, fee you cannot change and like the feeing, then it sounds disordered. Many people do not fit the classic anorexia/bulimia profile. Please speak with your GP or access some Counseling. If left unchecked, this could escalate and you could become extremely unwell.

I would say that I am fully in the same camp as you in terms of losing my appetite when stressed. I remember once being very stressed about life and had a lot (metaphorically) on my plate, going to a restaurant with my boyfriend and physically not being able to order food because I felt so over faced by the menu when I didn't have much of an appetite to start with! So certainly not alone there OP :) and yes it has certainly got better when I'm not stressed.

Your first example of what you eat is not dissimilar to me anyway, I'm not a big breakfast person so might have some toast or fruit and a flapjack midday and them have a "proper" meal in the evening (like lasagna, burger and chips, chilli) and that is enough to satisfy me. (Otherdays might have way more depending on life etc.) But your second example is very restrictive and that I'd be more cautious about. I'd also be concerned about "enjoying" the feeling of hunger and enjoying the feeling of controll that that illicits. That feels more like an eating disorder to me and something that you should probably speak to your GP about.

I would say that severely restricting your food for "no apparent reason" is an eating disorder, yes.

I'd also add to that, that not eating in order to "feel in control" of something is also an eating disorder.

Do you eat exactly the same foods every day, are those the only ones you eat because they feel safe? I have a very long history of disordered eating due to anxiety. It’s not a choice as food when anxious can make me vomit and that’s not deliberate vomiting which some people with disorders do, I’m not deliberately doing it, My Dr explained about the body tensing and the physical reaction of stress to me.

All eating disorders are linked to emotional states but yours may also be like mine in that the emotional state causes an involuntary physical reaction. It’s not like I deliberately make myself vomit, I have had a lot of therapy now. One upshot is it helped with the me being able to eat.

If you have an eating disorder then so do I. I can't eat when stressed or upset. The food just sticks in my throat. I eat enough to get by, but generally just pick at things and a large meal can make me panicky. Being hungry stops being a stimulus to eat - I also perceive hunger as a sign of control.

If a stressful situation goes on for long enough, I do lose weight, but never to dangerous levels - I still get enough calories to have a healthy BMI.

I thought this was a normal response to stress - some people comfort eat and some people stop eating in response to stress. As long as it doesn't go on long enough to cause an unhealthy weight change in either direction.

As someone who has had an ED I would say you probably do have one.
The use of the word control stands out to me, when things feel scary or out of control you use food and weight to regain a semblance of control.
Lots of people (without ED) might not be able to eat if they feel stressed or anxious over a specific thing, or for a short period of time, but the fact you've lost a stone in a month shows that it's pretty severe.
Not all anorexic are scared of high calorie food but they do restrict food (as you are doing) and use it to feel in control (as you are doing)
I think the fact you need to ask, means that you are acknowledging that you do have a problem.
It's difficult to know where to suggest to get help as GPs (apart from not doing face to face consultations at the moment) can vary enormously in their knowledge of ED.
Maybe call beat as a starting point...?
www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/support-services/helplines
Good luck x

Thanks for your replies.

@foamrolling yes I’m posting because I’m struggling to tackle it alone. I go through phases of the behaviour but they usually only last a week or two. When I start to feel less anxious I start eating again!

The strange thing is I now no longer feel anxious but I’m still not hungry.

To answer some other questions:

I don’t eat three meals a day but I never have as an adult. I do (or did) have a healthy diet, I’m just not a breakfast eater so usually eat lunch and dinner, or a snack and dinner, or a big lunch and a snack (crackers and cheese) later. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, I’m usually a perfectly healthy BMI, don’t diet, exercise moderately etc.

It’s only recently things got bad.

@rosybell I also enjoy going to bed hungry which is not healthy. This morning I weighed myself and I had lost weight again which pleases me (and scares me at the same time?!). I’m hungry now but I still don’t feel like eating. I’m not always hungry though, sometimes I just don’t get hungry anymore.

Writing this all down it sounds very unhealthy. And you probably don’t believe me when I say I usually have a healthy body image and relationship with food, but it’s honestly true.

Thank you for our replies.

Thank you @Tiktokcringeydance I might ring Beat. I do acknowledge it’s a problem. Maybe not right now (as still functioning and healthy BMI) but it could become one. I don’t even like looking thin!!! I much prefer myself my usual weight (which is still slim but not thin). Can you even have an ED without body image issues???

@Valkadin sorry to hear about your own struggles. No I don’t eat the same foods every day at all, I have quite a varied diet including high fat foods like cheese and butter and full fat milk in my coffee; but also fruit and nuts etc. I’ll have a take away (small amount) and won’t feel guilt, though I probably then compensate subconsciously the next day...

Hi don't have time for a long response, I've had an eating disorder for years and it is very much about control.

I'm the same as you, when I'm upset I stop eating, my appetite goes completely and I stopped eating while I was in an abusive relationship and dropped down to under 8 stone, at the time I just thought, oh im stressed and sad and I know I eat less when that happens but now looking back on it 8 years later I was anorexic, I was using food as a way of controlling something in my life that I had no control over, I didn't have a fear of food at all I would happily eat 10 flumps and a can of monster for lunch without worrying about the calories but that doesn't change that it wasn't actual food, though I did have body dysmophia and still do, I think I'm a lot bigger than most people would think i am but it's not so bad that I'd starve myself to try to actually be what I consider skinny, but that doesn't change the fact that I was controlling what I ate by minimising it to being almost meaningless in my head.

This isn't a healthy relationship with food, please talk to your gp.

How much time does thinking about food take up each day? Or thinking whether to eat or not? Or what you’ve already eaten or not eaten?

Maybe not right now (as still functioning and healthy BMI)

Help in the kindest way possible, you seem too fixed on an idea of an ED only being truly shown by a low BMI and only being a problem with a very low BMI. That is absolutely not the case and if you have been able to recognise unhealthy behaviours (well done), seize this - to get better, you have to want to, so this is truly vital. The root issue of anorexia and similar EDs is not actually weight (obviously low weight becomes problematic in and of itself physiologically); it’s control. This is a mental issue and shouldn’t be left until your BMI is in a perceived low-enough state.

I think you have perfectly described an eating disorder.
Many people with disordered eating are a healthy weight and BMI.
If it negatively impacts on your mental health and life in general then please take steps to gain counselling.
The problem is that by the time people do recognise they have an eating disorder, the patterns are so deeply entrenched that recovery takes a longer time.
Could you speak to your GP about counselling or seeing a dietitian, or as pps have said, contact Beat?

Just to add that I also can’t eat when extremely stressed or anxious. Don’t get too hung up on that part itself - it’s not ideal but many are affected like it. The key is how you react and the behaviour that follows.

You’re acknowledging you have a problem. That is so important. Ring Beat and your GP.

Not being able to eat when anxious is a form of disordered eating. I know: I used to have it. It isn't just the body's natural response to stress; it is the mind's response to stress having an impact on your physical body. Yes, please see a doctor, but I would also suggest seeing a therapist if you haven't already.

I used to have an ED and, looking back, it was all about control (at a time when my life was very stressful) . So that aspect of your post really stood out to me.

Thanks again for all you’re replies.

@ThickFast I don’t spend that much time thinking about food. I’m really busy though like most people (homeschooling, job, etc). And if I was starving I would usually eat something. Though sometimes the hunger passes.

I’m surprised you can have an ED with a healthy BMI and weight. I guess I don’t know that much about EDs.

I’m also a bit worried I’m becoming deficient in things because of the diet. I wonder if my GP would do a blood test if I saw them.

Ok, I was wondering if it was taking up a lot of your mental space. You can definitely have an ED and be within normal bmi range. However it may be that you can’t get much support through nhs unless you’re bmi is unhealthy. Also, kids learn about healthy eating from their parents so it’s good to get it sorted for them too. Hope you find something that works for you.

I haven't read all the replies, but just wanted to urge you to get a handle on this now. Your thought processes sound exactly like mine and it didn't end well. The suffering is not worth it.

I was given a be blood test and ECG when I went to the GP, but I was already fairly under weight by that point. With regards to deficiencies, I was advised to take a multi vitamin with iron in it by a dietician, so might be worth doing that x

The thing that stands out the most to me in your post is that you say you quite like the control you have over yourself and the results on the scales. This to me sounds like a dangerous thinking pattern and I would say (I am not a professional obviously) that it sounds like disordered eating.

I think you have been very honest and brave but that this could be something that could really spiral
Out of control.

You don't need to be underweight to have a eating disorder. I was diagnosed with bulimia when my BMI was overweight and when it was a healthy range.

It's not about how you look, it's about your mentality around food and if your eating is disordered.

It's worth talking to somebody about but if you don't want to talk to your GP, the charity Beat are great.