Was I wrong to be offended?

[Chicken555]

We were invited to my nephews birthday. He turned 3 years old.

He has so many toys and my sister is picky with clothes. She likes branded clothing which I can't afford.

I decided to give £100 for them to buy something he wanted.

At some point in the evening I found the opportunity and gave her £100.

Just before I was leaving she handed over money and I was a bit shocked. She said this is for Sarah (my lo) her birthday gift money. Her birthday was end of May..

I said this is silly.. you are literally giving my money back to me. She gave £80. She kept going I forgot to give it ect.. I was so pissed I just took the £80. She would not let me pass till I took it.

I was offended. Was I right to be?

She could have just waited and given it another day.

I'm just thinking I won't be accepting anymore gifts from her. Or just give it back to her like she did to me?

When did this happen?

I get on well with my sisters so we would have found this funny and not been offended.

I think you were over the top. 100 is way waay too much. You dont have a right to be offended if anything it was rude of you to give so much. She sounds like she cant afford to give you the same amounts you give.

Well if you just exchange cash for your DCs birthdays, it does make it kind of pointless.

She gives you money for your DC birthday at the end of May and a couple of weeks later, you give her a similar amount of money back for her DCs birthday - waste of time.

Why not just exchange token presents if you think the DC have too much? Books or a small toy? Something like duplo or stickle bricks where you can always add a few more to a collection.

You can both then treat your own DC or save money as you see fit. But what sort of clothes does your sister like if £100 cash is a more affordable option .

£100 is a lot for a 3 year olds birthday!

You couldn’t afford to buy big brand clothing but could afford to give £100?! This seems crazy amounts!

£100 I’d a crazy amount and what branded clothing does she like that you can afford that cash gift but not clothing? A token toy, book, experience would be far far better. Sounds like she sounded embarrassed about not giving your LO a gift and decided to give cash too. I don’t think you can be offended really.

I can't work out which part your offended by? The whole thing seems silly but offensive no?

You couldn’t afford to buy big brand clothing but could afford to give £100?! This seems crazy amounts!

That's exactly what I though. How much does she spend on one item of clothing for her child if £100 isn't enough to buy something.

Aw okay fair enough.. post pregnancy hormones.. I have become so touchy :/ - thanks everyone :)

Also she spends way more than that on clothing. I gave £100 because anything less and she have moaned and I did not want risk it.

@BarbaraofSeville she never gave my LO anything at her birthday..

I meant the £80, she said that was for your LO birthday, even though it was late.

Or you could look at it that she gave you nothing for your LO birthday and then you try to give her a very generous £100. She doesn't want to get into exchanging large value gifts be they money or actual things, so she tried to give you most of the money back, to bring the gift down to a reasonable £20 because £100 is too much?

I'm obviously in the minority here, but I think what she did was really strange and quite cheeky 🤷‍♀️ who the fuck gives a present back to someone and tells them it's for their child, after not bothering to get the child something for their birthday?

I don't know about offended but she's definitly a weirdo. I wouldn't be going out of my way to get her child anything in future if it were me.

well I think she felt guilty as she hadn't done anything for your LO. But the thing to do woudl be to accept and say - Thank You.

It is a bit odd handing cash back and forth, but they was we do it s that if money is given, it is given for that reason, so I would take the £80 and put it to one side to buy stuff for your LO. It is not just money, it is her birthday money. You might use it for a day out, or a toy, but it is to spend on her. So not that odd really no.

(but we usually spend £20 on nephews and nieces, so Ifind the 100 and 80 slightly eye watering)

I agree with @sizedoesmatter

It's weird, it's not offensive.

I don't get it. Certainly not being unable to afford branding clothing but able to afford £100!

My brother and I have children born 9 days apart and in different countries. I buy my DC a present "from Uncle Mamansnet" and he gets his DC a gift "from Mamansnet". Both kids get a toy they like better (chosen by people who know them better), on time and without the hassle of paying postage. Job done.

I think giving cash is tacky just for this reason... you put litrally no time, thought or effort in and are mad she returned that exact same lack of care right back to you (and even if she likes expensive clothes the gift isnt for her so that doesnt matter) theres nothing to be offended over, this wasnt a heartfelt, personal, thoughtful gift

when it comes to money gifts I agree with sheldons point on the big bang - the whole premis is silly, you give me $20 and then I give you $20 and this goes on bi-annual for 50 or so years until one of dies and the other is all of $20 richer

You’re overreacting. And yes, if you could afford £100 you could afford a piece of branded clothing.

She obviously felt guilty at not getting your DC something.

Think you should both agree to do outings together instead and stop swapping money at birthday s, when they are close together!

I think she feels guilty too. I certainly would if I hadn't got my niece a gift and then my sis spent £100 on my kids!

It's terrible - she kept that extra £20! Why did she do that and not say, "No, keep your money, I forgot your daughter's birthday present so let's call it quits"?

The going rate in our family for nieces and nephews is £20...

Could she have been worried about your finances? And felt 100 was too much, so was trying to do a nice thing.

Bluntness, clearly not as the OP says, I gave £100 because anything less and she have moaned