Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Slept with him too soon

90 replies

MalamuteLover · 10/06/2020 09:24

I'm such an idiot. Met this guy via OLD weve got a mutual friend and we had sex. Now I've been ghosted how embarrassing

OP posts:

x2boys · 10/06/2020 13:18

Well you would hope so @borntohula but in my single days ( I was 31_when I met dh) I met several men who said all kinds of crap ,like see will go on holiday etc🙄when they had no intention of getting into a.relationship ,I'm glad those days are behind me tbh.

MadamFlutterby · 10/06/2020 13:39

🤐

CrazyToast · 10/06/2020 13:41

There is no 'too soon' except for 'before you feel ready'.

If he is one of those who hunts sex but then judges women who have sex, then he is not worth your time.

It is annoying though, when they put in the time and you think they are nice, then they do this. I wish men were just up front about what they wanted. But the ones who aren't, are arseholes anyway.

Just ignore him now, leave him wondering why you didnt chase him.

NerrSnerr · 10/06/2020 13:44

Would be a bit awkward if you get Covid 19 in the coming weeks and you have to give his details for track and trace.

borntohula · 10/06/2020 13:55

Oh ffs @NerrSnerr there is always one. For the foreseeable future, there will be a risk of catching covid, even when we are legally allowed to sleep with someone from a different household. Get used to it.

NerrSnerr · 10/06/2020 13:59

Bloody hell @borntohula. It was a lighthearted comment thinking the conversation with the track and tracer might be awkward.

borntohula · 10/06/2020 14:02

Sorry @NerrSnerr, I've seen loads of comments like that and they've been more judgy and unnecessary than lighthearted. Ignore me, I need to get some fresh air!

NerrSnerr · 10/06/2020 14:07

No worries @borntohula 😁

Northernsoullover · 10/06/2020 14:09

Reframe it..you said yourself that at least you have had a shag so treat it as just that! Everyone else is right. There is no such thing as too soon unless its before you are ready.
I slept well with my partner on the first date with the mindframe that if he didn't want to pursue a relationship ship at least I'd have had a shag (I fancied him obviously).
On the other hand I've also slept with people and the sex wasn't all that great so I didn't pursue anything further. I certainly didn't set out with that in mind we just weren't compatible. No one is obliged to have a second date if they didn't feel it after sex. Sometimes it just isn't right in the chemistry department

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 10/06/2020 14:13

It’s embarrassing for him for being a user. Don’t feel bad. If he was the right person for you, sleeping with him wouldn’t put him off.

FWIW I spent the night with my DP the first time we met. He did indeed have a bit of a wobble that it was getting a bit serious a bit too quickly (mainly due to HIM pushing for us to meet regularly after that! ) but once he got comfortable with the idea that his dating journey was done, he certainly didn’t hold it against me that I’d been sexually forthright - in fact he was just convinced that I was good girlfriend material

I think it’s along the same lines as that quote about “not wanting to be a member of any club who would have me”. He clearly doesn’t think much of himself if he doesn’t want to be with someone who fancies him! My DP took it as a huge compliment that he was indeed irresistible!

I can almost guarantee you that he’ll be back at some point, so it’s up to you whether you give him another chance! I have heard this so many times - it’s like the OLD gives them endless opportunities and they get to the point where they’ve ticked the sex box and then it’s time to do it all again. 9/10 they come crawling back

BarbedBloom · 10/06/2020 14:14

I slept with my now DH the first time we met after 2 hours. I fancied him like crazy and if he had ghosted me, that was his loss. I hate this too soon attitude. My friend waited 3 months to sleep with a guy and he ghosted her after. I often sleep with partners, male and female fairly quickly because I like sex and sexual compatibility is important to me. I would hate to become very invested in someone only to find we didn't work sexually. I also often find it a very good tell of how men view women, which is useful information.

IveGotFrills · 10/06/2020 14:39

You shouldn't worry about sleeping with him but you should worry about his attitude since op. Sadly the former might have caused the latter.

I predict this will repeat & next time he wants a shag he'll be back. Don't demean yourself by letting him use you.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/06/2020 16:17

You could argue that it's actually best to shag on the first date. If someone's going to ghost you after they've got their notch on the bed post, then the less time you waste getting to that point the better..

StarlightLady · 10/06/2020 16:28

I agree with the previous poster. You have saved yourself a lotvof time which you might have spent on a waste of space.

It’s not always like that either. My sister laid her now husband within hours, when they met at a mutual friends wedding. They have been married years.

Original poster

MalamuteLover · 10/06/2020 19:59

Thanks everyone. Seems I have saved myself alot of time and effort

OP posts:

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 10/06/2020 20:20

You had sex because you wanted to and enjoyed it

Like others have said he would have done this regardless at some point it’s not nice behaviour

Don’t waste your time thinking about him

Bluntness100 · 10/06/2020 20:22

I wouldn’t worry what’s meant to be will be. But I’d assume it was the drunkenness rather than the shagging op. I guess he just saw it as a one night stand, they happen, move on,

Bunnymumy · 10/06/2020 20:22

Could have been worse, he could tried to keep you sort of around for an ego boost.

And at least you didn't get a few months in before you found out he was only looking for sex.

Louise000000 · 10/06/2020 21:08

How do you know that's ghosted? Could he just be playing it cool/ working etc?

Original poster

MalamuteLover · 10/06/2020 21:17

Well weve had no contact since Sunday so I'm summising I've been ghosted

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 10/06/2020 21:26

Was he the last to text? He might think you’ve ghosted him,

Louise000000 · 10/06/2020 21:27

Was it daily contact before?

doodleygirl · 10/06/2020 21:31

Yes you are a fool. Not for shagging on the first date but we are still in the midst of a pandemic. Just fucking stupid.

Original poster

MalamuteLover · 10/06/2020 21:33

It was daily contact before and we were having a laugh. I texted him on sunday and he texted back but I've had to text first twice so I'm guessing theres no interest there

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 10/06/2020 21:44

I'd give him another go op, if you fancy it. I'm not sure men do quite the tit for tat adding up on text that women do. I'd do one more, light hearted, but possibly with a question just to see. There's nothing to lose really. Either he has ghosted you, no change. Or he hasn't.

Flip

1 2 3 4