Do you have to put your DC to bed?

[LegoPeople]

I feel like the clueless baby days when i came on MN to ask how on earth do you put babies to sleep and where the instruction manual is.

From around 7pm daily im shouting chaperoning them (now 5yo and 6yo) to get into PJs, brush teeth and read a story if they would listen. It's next to impossible to get them to calm down and go to bed. (I've given up on bath these days) l am so exhausted, I usually fall asleep before them. In the morning they are up before me no matter what time they go to bed. I find them asleep on the floor, in the loft, on top of the stairs... even on days I take them out on long walks to burn energy. Do my two have ADHD?

This is a joke right?? It’s really dangerous to fall asleep and leave a 5 and 6 year old with the run of the house. Of course you have to put them to bed!!

Do they share a room? I'd do one at a time.

Is their dad around to deal with one while you deal with the other?

Could it be too much sugar do they have fizzy drinks? Do you usually get the. Ready for bed or do they do it themselves.

Have they been out in the garden playing? What’s their usual sleep pattern like before lockdown?

What do you mean you find them asleep on the stairs? Are you saying they don't go to bed when you take them and are still up when you go? Do you have a partner? Can he/she do it? I don't think they have adhd, but they have someone who is letting them get away with this behaviour: you.
I'd tell them get in bed, lights out by 8pm and they remain until you get them in the morning (if they need the loo they go then straight back to bed). If they wake early they must play in their rooms. Get serious. Lay down the law. Take away privileges if they don't do it. And don't go to sleep until they do.

I still need to cajole our 2 to bed and often read to them.

They’re 14 and 12..........

You have my sympathy OP. My DD (8) is a dreadful sleeper. She's terrified of being on her own and won't sleep through the night. We have a set routine where she showers, has time on her own with her dad and me (when baby brother is in bed) and she is then taken up for a story usually around 8 on a school night and 9 at other times. She falls asleep while her dad reads to her, but will not sleep through though and comes into our bed every night. I co slept with her as a baby and then got into bed with her for snuggles when I read her bedtime story when she was a toddler; I think this was the basis of reliance on me forming. With our son, we've been much stricter about putting him in his cot and it has worked. It sounds to me like you need a set routine (perhaps that the children have a role in putting together), story board the routine or take pictures to show what it looks like and display it somewhere, and consistantly try and put them back into their rooms if they leave them.

Mine are 6, 4 and 1. 1 year old has a bath at 6.30 and in bed for 7. 6 and 4 year olds have a bath at 7.15, in bed for 7.45ish. 6 year old reads for half an hour then switches her light off. It’s actually pretty calm! They get up at around 7.

Re bath, since lock down I've been doing bathtime around 4pm before dinner - that was it's something to do and gets it out the way as I'm knackered later

You can’t go to sleep before your young children! It’s not safe to just let them run around!!

This has to be a wind up, you find them asleep in the loft?!

How the hell do they get into the loft

This sounds really worrying. Are you ok, that you're falling asleep so early and in the middle of all this?

I have 4DCs, all active boys, including one with ASD and have found night times actually easier with 4 than with 2 (well - more tiring but more effective) as I have to be organised.

They're old enough to work with you.
-Can they help you take photos and make a poster of the night time routine and put it up in their bedroom (or each, if there are two), so it's a simple visual reminder. Maybe they can have thoughts too or try out a few potential new traditions- do they want to tuck in their favourite toys, have a 3 minute pillow fight (sounds crazy, but often making mine shriek with laughter seems to help get the energy out), make you tell them a made up story about them as superheroes (even better if their superpower is farts that make them fly)

• personally I'd bring back a shared bath or a shower each as it's a good way to relax after the day and especially after sticky summer heat, but up to you
• As well as the exercise they're getting, are they getting lots of your attention? Sometimes mine play up at night because they haven't got enough of us in the day, it helps to make sure we're making space

-Star charts are your friend, I don't normally love them but we use star charts and gro clocks - if they're in bed on time it's a star, stay in bed until wake up time, it's a star. They have worked out how to change it to daylight setting, but they know I'm looking at the time and not the colour! It's important that they choose the rewards (within reason) - mine get to make a range of suggestions and we put them on pieces of paper and in a jar then they pick one

• Audiobooks are amazing! You can download some from audible for free right now, your local library likely has some too, or you can get an audible subscription and get a few a month. You can put them on a tablet or your phone and set a timer. We set them for say 15 mins, or until the end of chapter/story and then they'll lie in bed and it helps them feel calm and relaxed. Our rule is that it only goes on when we're out of the room, and they take turns choosing. Usually they're keen to get us out of the place!

Good luck, you can do this

Their dad usually sort mornings and I evenings.

Err i cant help it if i go to bed, fall asleep, thinking they are tucked up in bed? Only started during lockdown. They go to each others room to chat or play, I have to keep escorting them back. This makes "bedtime" a 2 hour affair when it used to be a quick 5 minutes.

@LegoPeople

Their dad usually sort mornings and I evenings.

Err i cant help it if i go to bed, fall asleep, thinking they are tucked up in bed? Only started during lockdown. They go to each others room to chat or play, I have to keep escorting them back. This makes "bedtime" a 2 hour affair when it used to be a quick 5 minutes.

I'd get firmer then.

What do they really care about? Screen time? Any messing about at bedtime and they get no TV/tablet time the next day.

Op, mine too are super active before bed. I'd love to go "night night darling"
Bath @ 6.30/7
Tv for 30 mins
Brush teeth @ 7.30
Then bed. Me and dh have to read to sleep as they are constantly up and down.
Ds1 is nearly 7 and falls asleep at 7.45ish
Ds2 is 5 and falls asleep about 8-8.15

Ds1 wakes super early too, 5.45/6 😭😭😭

You need to start putting some incredibly firm consequences in place for going into each other’s room at night. It absolutely can’t be allowed.

It’s absolutely not safe to let a 5&6 year old have run of the house late at night while you both sleep.

@racheyg could you drop the TV and replace it with reading and quiet bedroom play? The screen light as well as the shows themselves can be very stimulating. I'd personally use the TV earlier in the night, when you can also use the time to get something done like cook or clear, or just regroup for 15 mins before bed! Then like I said, audiobooks are the absolute best, if they enjoy them

If they get in each others' rooms, the other choice is to have them actually share. Yes, there'll still be occasional silliness, but it's less exciting and often kids this age are quite scared in the dark alone, it is nice they enjoy spending time together - and then gives you a spare room / them.a playroom!

OP you have my every sympathy, I have an 8 year old who wakes up between 5 and 6am and takes himself downstairs to watch tv and have breakfast. He's been doing this since age 5!

Bedtime was a struggle but we've got into a steady routine of iPad in bed from 7-8 (8-9 on weekends) then he can come downstairs for water, we take him back up and tuck him in. 9/10 times he will stay put.

You need to get firm.

I have an almost 7 year old. He moans about going to bed but he always does it because if he acts up he gets privileges removed (the Switch always works for me).

You are the parent, you make the rules and they're old enough to understand that.

What time do you go to bed?
How do they get into the loft?!

After tea put them into the bath, get into pjs. Then a calm tv programme, or a quiet board game. Then teeth and a bedtime story. Then lights out. Use a reward eg if they stay in bed then they get x tomorrow or get to do Y.
Maybe make a den for them to sleep in on one of their bedrooms?

Op, my sympathies. It's lockdown. I think it's the lack of stimulation, both mental and physical. You just can't recreate the level of interaction with other children that they need right now plus the school timings, so I'm finding mine are awake a lot later. I have adapted the routine. We now all sit down at 8.30pm until 9.30pm to watch an episode of a family friendly tv series with a bottle of milk for the little one who falls asleep 10 minutes in, and 8 year old watches and then goes to bed and reads until he falls asleep. But I've given up on the 8pm bedtime and just accepted they go to be around 10pm and get up at 7.30am/8. Just have a series of steps e.g. every night, dinner at 7pm, bath at 8pm, story and/or TV at 8.30pm then bed. Consistent, they know what's coming. Worst comes to worst at that point let them snuggle in bed with you and transfer them!

I know your pain. My 7 and 9 yo seem to stay awake till its dark out 11pm despite being put to bed at 9. I went in to tell them to go asleep and did my knee in falling over a box of Lego they'd taken out yesterday.

@Stuckforthefourthtime
I've tried no tv before bed but it caused huge tantrums. I might try a later bath then straight to bed. 👍

Are you able to keep any evening routine. What do you do from dinner onwards?

They're old enough to understand that if they go roaming around the house at night then they get stairgates at their bedroom door until they can learn to stay in their room.

And if they're getting in the loft you need to fit a lock to prevent access.