Confused?! Am I asking too much?

[Polobear1]

Hi

Newbie to the site and I’m hoping for a bit of advice from you all please?

Bit of background....

I have one son to a previous and my other half (together 17 months) has 3 children to a previous relationship.

He moved in with us approx 8 weeks now but every weekend and nearly every night he goes to see his kids.

Now I’m not saying he shouldn’t see his kids as I actively encourage this, the only issue I have is that it’s for full days both sat and sun, getting back usually after 8pm from leaving 10/11am.

He says I’m bring unreasonable as I get upset that we just don’t have any quality time together. And when my son is at his dads I feel incredibly lonely...

Any advice please?

oh, I wouldn't want to be with a man who can treat his wife and children like this.
This is your light bulb moment...

Lots of couples with children remain in the same home even though they've split up. Often financially they can't afford to move. Or it's easier with children. I think it happens far more than those not in that situation realise. I'm doing it right now. As is the guy I'm seeing. Alone, it's not a 'run a mile' situation.

he's not with you, he's with her.

I've just properly read all the responses. Almost everyone is saying living in the same house with your ex is not to be believed. I would have thought exactly the same myself. Until a year ago, when I was that person. It takes ages (years) to sort a divorce, to sort the finances, to decide what's best for the kids, to have the courage to leave. Especially if you're the man and it's not just your spouse you're leaving but also your kids. And 'why doesn't he just rent somewhere else?' Many many people can't afford that. That's an extra £1k to £2k a month on top of all the usual family expenses. It isn't easy.

my statement was more about the way he is treating his children- in a relationship with someone else for 17months, knowing he would be leaving, but no mention of it until he ups and moves out?

I can honestly see how that could happen @happyjack12 (although it is quite a long time). It's 'nicer' for the children that their parents don't flaunt new relationships in their faces. Certainly better than the other end of the scale of moving their new daddy in after 2 minutes. I am currently keeping mine separate - though only 1 month in. I'm just 'going out with a friend' once a week. That's even if the kids ask. As is my ex.

yes, I can see how that may happen, I guess there are lots of scenarios.
I am ?wrongly assuming that the children didn't know their parents were separated though?
Anyhow, the important thing is now that OP is happy and that lines of communication stay open, it sounds very stressful.
Good luck OP.

Op, I'd be very suspicious that he's not being honest with you about his situation with his ex and DC.
Even If the situation really is as he says it is, he's still being massively selfish. Keeping you a secret from his DC is so damaging. They'll find out eventually and feel horribly betrayed. It's disrespectful to you too, like you're a shameful secret. If you want a healthy relationship with him he first needs to sort out things with his DC first from a place of his own where they can see him away from their DM.
This is so messy, I can't see how him staying with you under these circumstances and all this secrecy will ever work.