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Original poster

Confused?! Am I asking too much?

58 replies

Polobear1 · 07/06/2020 17:37

Hi

Newbie to the site and I’m hoping for a bit of advice from you all please?

Bit of background....

I have one son to a previous and my other half (together 17 months) has 3 children to a previous relationship.

He moved in with us approx 8 weeks now but every weekend and nearly every night he goes to see his kids.

Now I’m not saying he shouldn’t see his kids as I actively encourage this, the only issue I have is that it’s for full days both sat and sun, getting back usually after 8pm from leaving 10/11am.

He says I’m bring unreasonable as I get upset that we just don’t have any quality time together. And when my son is at his dads I feel incredibly lonely...

Any advice please?

OP posts:
DaanSaaf · 07/06/2020 18:26

Were you the ow?

Original poster
Polobear1 · 07/06/2020 18:27

No

OP posts:
Happynow001 · 07/06/2020 18:28

He should get his own place.
Absolutely this ^^ @Polobear1

It's really not great that he's moved straight from his children's family home to yours - even allowing for Covid - especially as somewhere down the line (even wrongly) you might be perceived as the OW.

He needs to get a place of his own where they can spend time with you rather than what he's currently doing or, if this is a thought, his DC possibly staying with you during his future contact times.

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Families
Stuckforthefourthtime · 07/06/2020 18:28

How do you know that his (ex or maybe not) wife knows about you?

Happynow001 · 07/06/2020 18:29

Oops
where they can spend time with HIM

TorkTorkBam · 07/06/2020 18:29

If he doesn't get his own place then everyone will believe you to be the OW.

He's obviously having a hard time adjusting. Trying to blend into your family and your home at the same time isn't a recipe for success, as you are seeing.

quietheart · 07/06/2020 18:30

How old are his children? Where did he sleep before he moved out? Where does he eat his meals? Why did he move in with you 8 weeks ago? And how does she know about you, in what context, have you met her?

Sorry to bombard questions but I assume you know the answers and if I was you I would be asking many more. Are they on social media?

binkyblinky · 07/06/2020 18:30

How old are his children? Does he spend time alone with them, or is their mother involved? It doesn't round right at all, does it x

Original poster
Polobear1 · 07/06/2020 18:31

He’s told her and she rang me last year... think she buried her head about the separation?!

OP posts:
DaanSaaf · 07/06/2020 18:31

I find it hard to believe you had a relationship for 16 months with someone who was still living with someone else, and she knew about you the whole time and didn't kick him out. Sorry.

Original poster
Polobear1 · 07/06/2020 18:32

Yeh he spends time alone with them as much as the weather permits. The lockdown just hasn’t helped

OP posts:
HugeAckmansWife · 07/06/2020 18:34

Look at this from the outside. He's moved from the family home straight into yours. His kids don't know you exist. You presumably only have his word that the ex knew about you and that they were separated. Come on. He absolutely should be getting his own place, establishing a 'separated' relationship with his kids and then, some considerable time on, bring you in. He should have moved out months ago. His kids and everyone else will think you were ow and you may well be, if all ou haw to go on in his claim that they were separated

DaanSaaf · 07/06/2020 18:34

Sorry op, not having a go at you. I do think you're boyfriend is stringing you both along though and sleeping with you both.

HugeAckmansWife · 07/06/2020 18:34

Did he tell her he wasn't seeing you anymore? I bet he did.

Original poster
Polobear1 · 07/06/2020 18:38

I believe what he’s saying and I’m not naive!

Yes he did tell her ages ago when she first found out but she knows where he is now.

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 07/06/2020 18:39

Why did he not get his own place so he could have his children over?

namesnames · 07/06/2020 18:39

You have been together for 17 months whilst he has been living with his ex?

I don't believe this is the full story.

Original poster
Polobear1 · 07/06/2020 18:40

The lockdown forced the situation.. before that the finances just didn’t allow it

OP posts:
Windyatthebeach · 07/06/2020 18:40

He isn't ready for a proper relationship op.. Sadly you are board and lodgings and sex..

Imo.
Walk away..

DaanSaaf · 07/06/2020 18:44

So his ex buried her head in the sand over their split...he's playing you both op. No one would let their ex live with them for over a year whilst they're seeing someone else, unless they still had hope of being with them.

HugeAckmansWife · 07/06/2020 18:45

Sorry but I agree. You were an affair. He was found out, she rang you. He told her he'd ended it until recently when maybe se rumbled him again and kicked him out. Is he paying you decent rent and bills, food? Lockdown is irrelevant in these circumstances. He should find his own place or say with a relative. I think you're being played.

PatriciaHolm · 07/06/2020 18:46

So for the last 17 months his children thought their parents were still together? Why do you think that is, unless he and his wife were still behaving as if they were married? Of course they have been. Even if she did know about you, he's been living with her as married, and is still with her more than he is with you. Stop and think.

TorkTorkBam · 07/06/2020 18:46

Whether you are being played or not, he needs to live in his own place. Get that sorted no matter what.

CodenameVillanelle · 07/06/2020 18:49

So if lockdown hadn't happened he'd still be living with her?
You're being taken for a mug here

Takingontheworld · 07/06/2020 18:54

I believe what he’s saying and I’m not naive!

🤦‍♀️ In the nicest way I can muster. You need to give your head a wobble. He's taking you for a mug. He's up to no good.

buried her head in the sand about the seperation

Yeah they tend to do that when their "ex" keeps sleeping with them.