How do you discipline a child that just laughs when you tell them off?

[RedK2000]

I have just caught my 6 year old DD pretending to wash her hands, stood at the sink, tap running singing happy birthday pretending to wash her hands. This has been a recurring problem for years. 2 months ago she had worms, we told her it was worms and explained again how important hand washing is. Now with covid she knows another important reason to wash hands, yet still pretends.
I sat her down to say how disappointed I was and how important it is not to spread germs. She just messed about and laughed. I put her in time out. She messed around. I was going to take toys off her, but there's nothing she's really bothered about. She just doesn't react to me being cross, annoyed, disappointed she acts daft, defiant and laughs at me. Yet in all other areas of life shows empathy, common sense and concern for others. But on hand washing and being told off she acts like this.
What can I do?

Really hoping someone knows a way...mine has even announced "I'll be going to my room" before misbehaving with a grin on his face, he will refuse to come out of his room when times up and once I lost it completely and let rip at him for a good few minutes and his response was a laughing "Is that the loudest you can shout mummy it's rubbish" before throwing his head back and shouting "this is how you're supposed to shout"
He is 7, he is loud, convinced he is hilarious and it was causing problems at school before all this

You said she messed around. What did you do then? Give in or enforce the time out further. How was she messing about?

No pudding, take away TV time. Remove a sticker from her chart.

book

Christopher Green write ‘Toddler Taming‘ which has really good advice. Just noticed he has done a book for older children. Maybe worth getting. Toddler Taming is an excellent book.

Reward positive, ignore negative. You make it an exciting and high value area for her to practise her 'no' when you react to it. Ignore. If she ever does wash hands or similar, praise. If she responds well to reward you can then move to reward, once you've devalued the activity by ignoring her previous disobedience.
Or go full authoritarian. The other way works better though.

Hit them where it hurts (not physically though! Before I'm accused of child abuse!)

DS is very much like this, he once said "I'm going to my naughty step now to relax" after drawing all over the wall. He mocks me when I try and tell him off...the list is endless.

However,

A black bag and his toys going in them 👌🏻 works every time. I once even put them in the boot of my car and said I was taking them to the tip.

I reserve this though for massive breaches of good behaviour, like pulling my hair, hitting me.

I don't understand.
You meaN she was sent to wash hands but just pretended to do it?

If so then the answer is that you supervise her every time she washes hands and stand over her while she does it.

Sending her to.time out wont get her hands washed will it?

Never remove something that has been earned, ever.

Toddler Taming is good. I would personally completely ignore the laughing etc. No eye contact. Leave the room if it's safe. Then huge huge praise and rewards when she does the right thing.

You cannot trust her to wash hands on her own so you supervise her. If it is since two years ago do you mean you were not supervising a four year old to wash?
She clearly isn't mature enough to wash hands on her own .

Yes, I’d be standing over her and supervising it every time too. And telling her she’s being supervised like a toddler until she can be trusted to act her age on it. But otherwise showing no emotion, so she gets no reaction and doesn’t get to feel like she’s won.

I would try a different approach take her shopping for a hand soap (fave colour of something) and explain that she must wash her hands because she could get quite ill or make others ill. I would physically wash my child’s hands if they were pretending to do it.

Also for you OP when she does wash her hands, praise her. Positive reinforcement is good.

I do this for DS when he is nice to me, so I say things like "well done for cuddling me, thank you"

Things like table manners, I praise the good and just remind him when they are slipping like using hands instead of cutlery (he's 5) I just say "copy me please, cutlery please"

DN is similar with regards to handwashing. As his parents are both key workers it was really important to get it fixed - so my brother-in-law told the entire class over Zoom that he won’t be returning to school until he can be trusted to wash his hands. DN is a young 4 but even he responded when his classmates started to tell him off - a few, bless them, even offered to teach him how to do it.

There are some things you going to have to supervise until she can be trusted.
Like hand washing.

Taling away a toy wont get her hands clean.
Putting her in time out wont clean her hands

Ignore unless in danger or she e.g hitting.
Reward good behaviour.

I would ignore the laughing
Make her wash her hands, take her hands in your hands and physically wash her hands

I know it may sound mean but if you have other children, you could give them a sweet and tell her she can't have one because she didn't listen. Or you could make desert and do the same. Just don't do it in a way that the other children know they're getting sweets because of her misbehaving. Good luck.

I'll also add, don't threaten anything you won't / can't follow threw with because they will catch on and not take anything you say seriously.

She is too young to understand the reasons for hand washing.

All she understands is the here and now. A serious tone or even an explanation about something she couldn't understand (for instance when you were explaining about the corona virus) may have just frightened her instead of getting your message across.

You need to supervise her hand washing, maybe wash yours at the same time.

(You need to do her tooth brushing too, for the same reason - it's too important to leave to her.)

Agree, wash her hands for her. Six is still very young, she won't really understand. Teeth too, good point math.

She’s six! She’s old enough to understand!

My younger than that DC understand.

If she won’t do it then do it for her. Every time. Make sure you are without emotion and perfunctory about it. Comment that it’s a bit of a shame that she can’t be sensible about to but perhaps you’ll try again when she’s ready to behave like a responsible six year old.

After a couple of weeks offer her the chance to win stickers for doing it properly.

Buy a stinky hand soap that you will KNOW if she’s used or not.

Absolutely positive praise all the way for hand washing. What's the point of it having a negative association?

If enough adults had been taught in this way maybe our infection rates for viral and bacterial infections would be less.

I would differentiate here between the two issues.
She knows about covid, but maybe make it very clear. There is medical emergency. A deadly virus. One of the weapons we have is washing hands. IF she doesn't , she doesn't go out for a week. Full stop. She is putting her and your life at risk. A bit overdramatic but she is playing the thick card.

Then the attitude. You talk and she laughs in your face. Well this means, words don't work, and you take actions. No screens for a week and you MUST follow, she still laughs, her favourite dress/t-shirt goes, she still laughs, you remove stuff from her room. Read Nigel Latta's books

She defi understands she's bloody six years old. My 3 year old washes hands when told to.

You are relying on her cooperating. When she didn't cooperate you bailed. Nope.

My children know that if they don't cooperate with the punishment then they will get a punishment that does not require their cooperation.

They could sit on the naughty step without messing. If they mess I reset the time, twice only. After that we were into screen bans, favourite toys being removed, not being included in a (small) fun activity.

With little children for things like hand washing, teeth cleaning, hair brushing, getting dressed, putting your coat on it was simple: you do it or I do it for you. No mucking about with timeouts. Your shoes will be on your feet in 3 minutes: either you do it or I will and if I do it I won't be gentle.

Now as teenagers they can do extra jobs or

I'd ignore the laughing (although that is so hard to do!)
I think you'll need to supervise.

Just peeked online...How about making soap with her? Doesn't look too difficult or expensive. There are many recipes without lye - and it's science!