How do you discipline a child that just laughs when you tell them off?

[RedK2000]

I have just caught my 6 year old DD pretending to wash her hands, stood at the sink, tap running singing happy birthday pretending to wash her hands. This has been a recurring problem for years. 2 months ago she had worms, we told her it was worms and explained again how important hand washing is. Now with covid she knows another important reason to wash hands, yet still pretends.
I sat her down to say how disappointed I was and how important it is not to spread germs. She just messed about and laughed. I put her in time out. She messed around. I was going to take toys off her, but there's nothing she's really bothered about. She just doesn't react to me being cross, annoyed, disappointed she acts daft, defiant and laughs at me. Yet in all other areas of life shows empathy, common sense and concern for others. But on hand washing and being told off she acts like this.
What can I do?

...extra jobs or get their phone taken away, Xbox time reduced, etc.

@LeGrandBleu what is the "thick" card, please?

@GrumpyHoonMain

DN is similar with regards to handwashing. As his parents are both key workers it was really important to get it fixed - so my brother-in-law told the entire class over Zoom that he won’t be returning to school until he can be trusted to wash his hands. DN is a young 4 but even he responded when his classmates started to tell him off - a few, bless them, even offered to teach him how to do it.

Sorry, but I think that's bloody awful 🤔

Focus on the primary behaviour, the hand washing. Don't switch too much focus to the secondary behaviour. Acknowledge it briefly but bring the point back to the hand washing, and supervise it being done properly

I disagree with that, LeGrandBleu. All she needs to understand is that when mummy says, "Wash your hands,' (or "Take off your muddy boots and put them in the porch" or any other thing there is no choice about) there is only one option and that is to do what she is told.

At six, most children believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy and magic. They are not psychologically or emotionally mature enough to understand cause and effect in the wider world, and certainly cannot grasp the seriousness of covid and put into effect the measures we are asked to take to keep it at bay. 'A deadly virus'? Meaningless. Something she can't understand, that mummy is afraid of? Frightening.

Washing hands needs to be established as a habit for when she comes in from outdoors and after using the loo, that is all. In establishing the habit, constant supervision and setting of a good example are needed.

Screens gone for a week is very drastic. By day 3 she will have forgotten completely why she can't watch TV and will move on to resentment. Any consequence for disrespectful, cheeky behaviour must be immediate and should occur only in the same day as the behaviour.

The reward of a smile and praise should be given for co-operation and for listening attentively. Listening is the key skill/ behaviour to emphasise. You should thank her for listening to you and doing what she was asked to do after she has washed her hands or done whatever else you instructed. Work on that word, 'listen'.

I would suspect the laughter is a stress response. Anxiety at being found out and told off. And then it all escalates from there. As others have said, Punishment won't get her hands clean. Either make it fun (the buying nice soap idea) or supervise every time. I recommend the "how to talk so kids will listen" books. Saved my sanity a number of times.

I think the making soap or picking out fun soaps is a great idea!

I am French so it might be a culture thing. We are a lot more strict. For some things we talk, for the big things we act.
If your child was constantly running across the road with a red traffic light, you wouldn't say how disappoint you are. You would enforce .

I live in Australia and see the constant praising in parenting. Praise for every single thing, even normal putting the shoes on or pushing the pedestrian button at traffic lights. It takes away the value of praise.
We praise when deserved. We don't praise for washing , except a quick " good, now come to the table".

Hands in covid needs to be cleaned. Period. No discussion. no talking about it. She is 6, not 2

DN is similar with regards to handwashing. As his parents are both key workers it was really important to get it fixed - so my brother-in-law told the entire class over Zoom that he won’t be returning to school until he can be trusted to wash his hands. DN is a young 4 but even he responded when his classmates started to tell him off - a few, bless them, even offered to teach him how to do it.

That is unbelievable. How humiliating for your nephew. It’s not his fault that his parents are incapable gobshites.

I just put soap on his hands them tell him to wash it off it's faster

I would send her back in the bathroom to wash again properly, supervising her. I would do this every time she doesn't wash her hands properly hopefully this will be incredibly boring so that she realises doing it properly first time is worthwhile. If she refuses then there will obviously things she's not able to do as shes not washed her hands. Dd 'Can I have a snack?' You can't possibly as you didn't wash your hands properly, you need to wash your hands first. Etc. Ignoring the laughing.

My two are slightly older but consequences will be direct from their actions. So if they are messing around getting ready for bed and I have to get them to go back and brush their teeth or wash their face etc, if it is really excessive then I can only read half a chapter of the book we are reading imstead of a chapter or we can even run out of time.

LeGrandBleu Sat 06-Jun-20 23:32:40 - I agree with that post. There are some things which are not negotiable.

I would instill the habit of always washing hands when a child comes indoors, not just when there is a pandemic or in flu season. My parents both grew up on farms and this was a big thing of theirs, maybe thanks to my mother's home economics teacher training too. Hand washing before all meals also.

Agree too wrt over praising.

The consequence for something is best linked to the action (or lack of action in this case). So, as she has not washed her hands, she won't be able to have the cake or share the crisps as she could get an upset tummy or make someone else unwell. She can't have her meal until she has washed her hands or handle something special as her hands are dirty. Just tell her if you go and wash your hands quickly now, you can have the cake/share the crisps, touch the particular thing etc. Make it light hearted, who will have washed their hands and be sitting at the table first/ ready to get the game out etc. Be calm and matter of fact about it. No getting cross or long conversation or debate. Stick to your guns about it. If sbe is not washing them as well as you would like say nothing, just praise her for it. Try not to be too particular as she maybe trying to score points. Ignore the laughing , don't bother with long explanation, just that she has to deal with the immediate consequence of her behaviour for her sake because it will be her who she misses out, try not to let her see she is winding you up, or let it become a power battle. Normally in a power battle with a child, it works better if you step back, try to pretend you are not bothered about it, at the same time making sure she is getting a lot of encouragment and her knowing how proud you are of her.

Do people really cause as much drama about hand washing as some of the replies on this thread? Just take her to the sink and show her to wash her hands. Boom! All done.

Making a 6yo feel bad about themselves for something this basic is unhelpful and futile.

She's clearly not getting the consequences so you supervise her until she's sick of it. OK, you will be, too, but that's parenting for you.

And agree with @missminimum that if she know you caught her out, she doesn't get the treat.

Works less well for actual meal times, though.

@LovingLola - my DN’s parents are a nurse and a paramedic. One works nights at the ICU everynight and the other works days in A&E and Urgent Care. Since Covid began they haven’t seen each other for more than an hour because they have kept the kids from school due to their colleagues getting Coronavirus. DN needed to learn to wash his hands urgently for his classmates protection and telling his class did the trick quickly.

None of that explains why they involved the child's entire class. It's a Godawful thing to do. How bloody ineffectual are they?!

It worked. Got my nephew to wash his hands.

TomBradysLeftKneecap, YY to that.
Wash hands together as soon as you get in and also before meals. No comment needed apart from, 'Now we need to wash our hands as we've just come indoors/as we're about to eat'.

I'm not an expert on 6 year olds.

However I do a practical woth teenagers where I put washable face paint on their hands and then get them to hand out cans of coke, the facepaint goes everywhere.

When they wash it off they can see which parts of theur hands they are not washing well.

Could you adapt something? Put face paint on her hands so she HAS to wash to get it off?

I suppose that explains why schools are not happy using zoom for safeguarding reasons. What was that parent thinking? Offloading their parenting onto a group of 4 year olds. If he wouldn't go into the school classroom and do it (because it wouldn't be allowed) maybe that would be a hint that doing it over zoom to the whole class isn't great either.
Some other rather unlikely responses on here. Have fun trying them all out.

Children often laugh when they’re being told off, unconsciously trying to get you back on their side (doesn’t work but they weirdly keep trying it!). It doesn’t mean the message isn’t going in. I would completely ignore the laughter and rethink how hand washing works at home to make it more interesting - egg timer / different soap / etc. Or just observe it for a bit with a light-touch “right, let’s get our hands washed and then we can do something fun”. She’ll get into the habit of doing the right thing without even realising it. If she refuses then I would calmly say “that’s a shame, maybe we won’t have our snack / game after all” and get on with your day. She’ll soon change her mind.

Aldi do a rhubarb and rose hand wash you can tell if its been used