Toilet anxiety

[SunshineSally66]

Does anybody else suffer from this? It's a thing - I've looked into it but it's not as well documented as other forms of anxiety.

It's ruining my life to be honest. Whenever I am im conscious of where the nearest toilet is. If I don't know, or I'm somewhere where there isn't one I immediately panic and that panic actually makes me need to go. If you've ever experienced nervous tummy you'll know what I mean. But it's all the time.

It was getting out of hand before lockdown but now all the public toilets are shut I feel like I can't go anywhere at all. I've avoided trips to the park with friends. I won't go on long walks in the woods or anywhere like that. I need to find a way to get over this because when things return to normal I think it's going to be even more of a problem for me.

Has anyone else experienced this or beaten it?

I'm like this! I won't drink all morning if it means I'm out or driving for more than an hour without knowing where the next loo is. No solution but you are not alone! I get nervous and feel sick sometimes, and a little panicky.

@Reader1984 mine is more bowel than bladder although I do experience both, and yes I do the trick or not eating or drinking before a long journey or event but it's getting to the point where even that doesn't always work. Such a silly thing to let yourself be controlled by but it's getting really out of hand for me now.

I was like this for years. It was awful and turned into full blown panic attack disorder and agoraphobia. I had 5 years of therapy to get over it.

I completely understand OP.

I had the same, also developed into pretty bad agoraphobia. I recovered with medication and therapy. I think it’s more common than people realise

@SunshineSally66 - Interesting, mine is just bladder related! I don't even know where it came from, but a couple of close calls and weeing on the side of the motorway increased my anxiety. I just plan as well as I can. But have refused to meet family out and about as public loos not open yet.

I do worry that mine is creeping into agoraphobia. I have to try and use the loo several times before leaving the house for the smallest things. I find myself making excuses not to go places and see people because of it. Can anyone recommend any types of therapy that might help? I thought about speaking to my GP about medication but I'm not sure what would help.

I'm not sure about types of therapy OP sorry but would it help to have a back up plan if you get caught short when you go out? Perhaps always discreet pants or even a travel potty in the car? Please don't be offended, I don't know whether that would be of any help in this kind of situation.

@skylarkdescending no offence taken at all. I have in the past carried wipes and spare pants but it still doesn't seem to stop the feelings of sheer panic when I need to go but can't immediately find anywhere. It's the embarrassment factor I think. But it rarely effects me at home so I do think it's a case of psychological things causing physical symptoms.

Sorry to hear that that approach wasn't helpful before. My DP has had CBT therapy in the past as he was starting to get panic attacks (mostly to do with public transport) and he found it really useful for identifying anxious thoughts and behaviours and managing his fears. That could be something to look into?

Has something happened in the past? For example you've had an accident, do you know when it started?

CBT and graded exposure. It would help if you can identify when this started and maybe think about what is the worst thing that could happen to you. Also to get better, you're going to have to sit with the fear for a bit and try and do things that challenge you rather than keep avoiding things.

I completely sympathise with you @SunshineSally66 it really is awful. I always carry spare underwear,clothes and wipes with me after having an embarrassing accident on the bus,15-20 min car journey from work is around 2 hours using 2 buses. I only plan days out around knowing where the nearest 'nice' toilets are and I'm uncomfortable going to new places,I love travelling so this makes it very hard! Unfortunately I have no advice but just want you to know that you're not alone

I don't recall ever having an accident but there have been lots of times where I think I've been close. And I think the panic and fear I felt then is still in my mind whenever I have to be too far away from a toilet. CBT might help. I will look into it. I'm suprised how many others suffer from this, I really thought it wasn't that common.

I have found my people! I have been having CBT for the past year and it's helping along with exposure therapy.

Like you OP mine is bowel related- the more I worry the more I immediately need to go.

I’ve got Crohn’s disease so I do often have to make an emergency toilet dash, it’s never really given me anxiety though. I keep a potty in the boot of the car-carrier bag and a puppy pad to line the bottom plus wipes etc to clean up. If I need to go on a woodland walk I just find a tree to go behind. I can imagine how restrictive it must be for you.

Found my people, glad it isn't just me

My daughter has this and since lockdown has become a massive problem to the point she has walked to the end of the road and is in floods of tears scared to death that she is gonna wet herself to get home and can’t go. She literally couldnt leave the house.i think being off school and stuck in has given her too much time to overthink everything. Since you was allowed to meet with 1 friend she has been going for walks with a friend and she is like a different person so much happier and not mentioned the toilet once. This lockdown has not been good for her mental health at all I need her back at school!

Yes. It mainly affected me at work, during meetings with people I don't know well. I don't have it all the time, but when I first got it a decade ago it was full blown for over a year and got me depressed. It eased off during pregnancy as pregnant women are often dashing to the loo and nobody cares. In fact it helped just realising that other people don't notice much or care when you go to the loo, or how frequently. I still get it when I'm on longer journeys but only if I have a passenger. It's really a social anxiety and fear of having an accident in front of others.

I'd be interested to know if anyone has ever felt this way and been able to change? Motorways are an absolute no go for me. I can dehydrate myself. Go to the toilet several times before leaving and guarantee within minutes I'm bursting

Motorways are also a big problem for me. I need to plan the route and know exactly when we can stop for services. I'm also unable to travel with people other than my dp or close family because I'm embarrassed about asking to stop all the time for a loo break.

I haven't always been like this. I travelled a lot when I was younger and it only became a problem when I was in my late twenties. I really don't know what started it off.

I can tell you a bit about what my therapy consisted of in case that helps...things were quite bad for me. I was signed off work and wouldn’t leave my house. At the time I started therapy I hadn’t stepped outside my door for 3 months. I was totally obsessed with toilets and wetting myself in public. Mine was triggered by a UTI and that feeling of needing to pee but the anxiety continued long after the UTI had gone.

First I had to remove all my safety behaviours as they were reinforcing the anxiety. No pads and changes of clothes in my bag, no checking location of the toilets before going places. I used to only wear black trousers so it wouldn’t be visible if I had a leak. I had to give the black trousers t charity.
So there I was, totally exposed in my mind.
And then I had to very very gradually increase the distance I would travel from home. It started with walking to the end of the road and progressed to going to the park (no toilets and a major trigger for me), having a drink at the park (a terrifying thought) etc.
If I couldn’t do something we would repeat the previous step and just keep going.
I went back to work and had to make myself sit away from the door in meetings and not map the toilets etc.

I also had to fill out a card that I kept in my purse with positive statements on it. I looked at it a lot when I returned to work.

It was not easy but I am totally ok now. I never think about toilets any more.

@GenevaMaybe sounds like you were very brave and have overcome your fear. I think the problem for me is that my anxiety creates the urge to go. So if I'm panicking my body picks up on it and creates the need to go to the toilet. While it's probably caused my the overthinking and anxiety it's still a very real need to go. Which is why it's so scary. I feel like I have no control over my own body.

Its timely you writing this. I have never had anxiety over this until lockdown. I went on a long cycle ride at the beginning of lockdown and needed a number two (sorry for being twee). I got home like I was after the yellow jersey!
The result is that I am now too scared to leave the house. I have been suffering from general anxiety though and I have been prescribed something from the GP. Its only been a week but I am feeling marginally better. I have been going for short walks as far as I think I can go and make it back if I feel a rumble. I know when toilet reopen I will feel a lot better.

I have bought a Travel Jane from Amazon to use on days out. I'm fine with Al fresco weeing in woods but the beach is different. I hate public toilets at the best of times but now they are shut it's made going out harder. My 11 and 13 year old are horrified at a portable urinal though!