Argh my own husband doesn't agree that he's racist

[Chaotic45]

Here to vent!

My husband remarked on a sad piece of news that a white business owner had been brutally attacked attacked by 4 black men as he tried to board up his business in the USA.

His comment was along the lines of "and they wonder why black men have a reputation for being trouble makers".

My response was that just because 4 men who happened to be black did that- it has no bearing on black men in general.

DH thought I was being over sensitive. I said that had the violence been carried out by 4 white men, 4 ginger haired women, 4 old men with beards then he wouldn't see this as saying that any of these groups were trouble makers based in their appearance.

DH doesn't get it. He says I'm over sensitive and jumping on the bandwagon. He's a good man, but he's racist isn't he, in which case I guess he's not such a good man.

4 black men were thugs.

assumption that this reflects on all black men = racist.

Do we all have our prejudices, I wonder? I know I tend to assume that most secondary kids are litterbugs because of the mess you see in places where they have been.

Yes he's a racist.

You may point out to him that while that incident was going on thousands of other black men were peacefully protesting as part of large demonstrations all around the USA, many were leading them. What about the photo of the white police officer that got separated and a cordon of mostly black men protected him from the (diverse) crowd? They were acting as peacemakers, leaders and non-violent citizens. Point out to him the bias and racism that prevents their actions from becoming news while black men being violent is used as an example for all black men. We don't use the Ku Klux Klan as the example of all white men do we?

I would search "protestors" on Twitter and will find endless examples of positive community building behavior by black men.

On You tube go to The Breakfast Club
a daily radio show presented by two black men and a black woman who interview an array of black people in every walk of life and talk about current issues.
Or Democracy Now! a media network giving a more balanced and nuanced view of the current situation in the USA.

Thank you all for your thoughtful and helpful posts. I am reading and learning.

I wonder if this would be interesting.

www.futurelearn.com/courses/empire?fbclid=IwAR1AQYiujil1OCQ9bbJbvqDZYCsJXdrOTqAb808xkQoptAzvS-K2ednufPk

Yes he’s a racist

I was labelled a racist aged 10 at primary school and put in ‘the racism book’ (this was in the 80s) I remember crying about it so much and my parents being dragged into school. It was mortifying (and what I did wasn’t racist) it hung over me for years.
So then to hear of adults like the OP dh making such blatant racist remarks annoys me as so many adults are and get away with it. It’s horrific to be labelled a racist as a child when you weren’t / aren’t

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras I just watched a Facebook live panel discussion all about police and prison abolition, by six women campaigning in the area. Really interesting stuff about the origins and failures of our current system. And imagining how it could work differently. One point made was that marginalised groups often already have their own systems to handle conflict and protect people, as they can't rely on the police.

I'd highly recommend it if you have some time, starts at 8minutes into the video.

m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1101068206937175&id=1498007623803312&comment_id=1101146783595984&notif_t=video_reply&notif_id=1591462101040016&ref=m_notif

Porpoises

Sounds interesting. I'll have a watch. Thank you for linking me to it.

I find your timeline odd . Your dh makes a racist comment . You post 20 minutes later he has apologised and you posted it on here. Obviously you were right to challenge him. But the need to play it out on mn I am not so convinced

Most white people have some racist views. The belief that racists are some hideous evil 'other' and not you/your husband/your mum is actually a big part of the problem in eradicating racism- instead of examining our own behaviour we get defensive and double down as our self image as a 'good person' is under threat. Same with sexism. The book 'White Fragility' is fantastic on this.

KenDodd thank you for your suggestion! I have signed up and am passing on the link to others.