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Original poster

I'm not being present for my DC

30 replies

NellMangel · 28/05/2020 20:19

Apologies for strange title I cant think how to describe how I'm feeling. I've been on my own with 5yo in lockdown for 2 months now. I'm at the point where I dont feel like I've got anything left to give. I've shut down a bit. He seems happy enough but I'm getting snappy and wanting time out, and I dont like that about myself. I've felt tearful today whereas before now I was quite enjoying the simplicity of life.

Has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
JuniorMumto1 · 28/05/2020 20:28

I think that you've done very well to get this far before needing a break!

Don't be so hard on yourself. We all need a break from time to time. I love my DS but look forward to getting him off to sleep every evening so I can have some me time. This includes ignoring my partner for a bit aswell.

Why don't you treat yourself tonight to a nice film or desserts. Whatever you fancy. Might make tomorrow feel more manageable.

EssentialHummus · 28/05/2020 20:37

Hey, I feel like that sometimes and I'm not even on my own. Think of something you can do to give yourself a break tomorrow and every day - a bit too much telly for him so you can have a cup of coffee, an outing in the fresh air where he can have a bit of freedom, a treat you can have after bedtime.

Original poster
NellMangel · 28/05/2020 20:38

Thanks @juniormumto1 I enjoy the after bedtime stage too. It's just a long slog to get there. Part of this feeling might treat related, I discovered I've put on half a stone so am trying to reduce booze and chocolate. I wondered if my low mood was sugar withdrawal too.

OP posts:

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Original poster
NellMangel · 28/05/2020 20:41

Thanks @EssentialHummus good to know it's not just me. My guilt is that I'm doing too much of that. He's in front of telly, I'm somewhere else. I love him more than anything but need space.

OP posts:
stripes1 · 28/05/2020 20:43

I feel just like you, 10 weeks in and I just want a day off the kids, really not able to engage in anything fun with them, just want to hide away in the garden. Worry I’m not giving them enough attention, their behaviour going downhill fast. Don’t have an answer for you but just to know you’re not on your own!

EssentialHummus · 28/05/2020 20:45

My guilt is that I'm doing too much of that.

This is really, really not a time to judge anyone's parenting, if ever there is one. You're not alone.

Windyatthebeach · 28/05/2020 20:48

I have had 5 dc off school for 10 weeks. Today I bought paint.
Tins of it.
Been painting garden furniture and left the dc the roam ferel all day..
*in the house...
Sod it.

Find something to pass the time op. My brain was beginning to feel fuzzy..

CoodleMoodle · 28/05/2020 20:49

I understand OP. I've got a 6yo and a nearly 2yo and by the end of the day I'm completely drained. DH is WFH but that still leaves me with 8 or so hours to fill!

Trying not to let them have screens all day (not that either of them want to) and get as much time in the garden as possible. We also go for a walk every day, and after that I don't mind them watching TV or DD playing video games, etc. Homeschooling has got less and less as the weeks have gone on and, quite frankly, I'm amazed we're doing anything at all at this point!

Enjoy your evening time as much as you can. Although some nights I get stressed out because I'm so aware that there's not that much time for me to do all the things I've been daydreaming about all day, because I have to go to bed earlyish or I won't cope the next day!

No advice, but you're not alone Flowers

purpleme12 · 28/05/2020 20:52

Ha, yes I've experienced this!
Mine's 6, single parent, been with her since lockdown.
It is incredibly hard because apart from anything her behaviour's deteriorated.
Yes I'm more snappy
Yes I'm not as present

Littleelffriend · 28/05/2020 20:56

Me. I actually climbed into bed today because I just couldn’t do it anymore. She came through after 5 minutes but I just wanted to hide.

purpleme12 · 28/05/2020 20:57

I don't even want to be furloughed (I might be at some point) because I feel like I've just had enough of her at the moment

somewheresorted · 28/05/2020 21:03

I was a single parent when my DC we’re young and it was tough enough then even with friends and Grandparents to meet up with and parks to visit so I can’t begin to imagine how hard this must be to deal with 24/7 totally on your own.

I’m not surprised OP that you feel like you do today and do you know it’s ok to feel tearful but you’re doing an amazing job!

TooSadToSay · 28/05/2020 21:04

Me too. Can't wait to take a day's leave to be blissfully alone when childcare and school starts up again. I'm just totally drained.

BilboBercow · 28/05/2020 21:07

I feel this way too op. I'm also working from home and I'm a lone parent. Feel absolutely drained, stressed, guilty etc

chunkyrun · 28/05/2020 21:07

Yep what I would give to be alone. He natters away and I'm just not there

Tableclothing · 28/05/2020 21:17

I feel the same :(

DC is 5 months. DH has continued to work full time throughout lockdown, so most of the time most days it's just me and the baby. I love her so much and I want to be a good mum and I'm worried about her development - because if I'm not actively engaging with her, no one is, and that can't be good for her. But it's so hard trying to keep up a constant one-woman-edutainment show Mon-Fri 8-6. I feel so guilty when I can't think of anything to say to her, but I'm finding it so so hard to think of new things to do with her at home :(

WeveGottaGetTherouxThis · 28/05/2020 21:24

Yep, I’m having days where I feel like this too. It’s not normal for us to spend this much intense time with anyone, with very few choices of things to do, plus homeschooling (to whatever extent one chooses to do it).

I’m beyond fed up of hearing “Look at me!”, “Look what I’ve done!”, “Look at me NOW!” Argh I don’t want to look or listen, I just want to lie in a dark room for 5 minutes!

Honestly, you’re not alone and it doesn’t mean you don’t love them. You’ll have great days and rubbish days. Don’t be hard on yourself. X x

PrincessWatermelon · 28/05/2020 21:28

Same here too. Mine are 7 and 5 and I've been with them for...is it 9 weeks? My DH is WFH, but he's holed up in the study for 10 hours a day. Interestingly I manage ok during the week - at least, as best I can. It's the weekends when I find it hardest as the structure goes and I expect DH to step up and I want to check out. But the kids still come to me and want interaction. I just want to disappear.

Original poster
NellMangel · 28/05/2020 22:08

Yes @PrincessWatermelon the weekends are especially bad. So long and aimless. Even if he's watching telly he wants me to watch too and keeps checking that I'm looking. Current phase is mindless noisy youtube homemade waffle and it drains my soul.

OP posts:
audweb · 28/05/2020 22:12

Me too. I’ve been working from home with my
seven year old. She’s had two nights at her dads during lockdown, otherwise it’s just been me and her. Completely drained. Keep dreaming of a time where she can stay at my parents and I can disappear on a plane to sit in the sun for a week.

changedmynameforlockdown · 28/05/2020 22:19

Yes, single parent to a 4 year old, although my sister moved in before lock down to keep us company, it's been really hard. I've been WFH, sister has been WFH ling hours but helping with child care. I'm missing time to myself (used to get a night off a week where I would go to gym), adult company, outings. Drained that I am never off mum duty (outings to soft play etc used to give me a break),
Hats off to any single parents I'm lockdown...it's hard!

MrsPworkingmummy · 28/05/2020 22:22

It sounds like you're doing amazingly. I have two DC (one with likely SEN) and am frequently tearful and stressed. Totally get the 'not being present' feeling too. I think, intrinsically, I'm far too selfish; I really struggle when I can't get away and have time on my own.

wellerhugs5 · 28/05/2020 22:24

It's the weekends when I find it hardest as the structure goes and I expect DH to step up and I want to check out. But the kids still come to me and want interaction. I just want to disappear.

^^
This.

babasaclover · 28/05/2020 22:28

I actually just miss being alone. The irony that I was considering going part time before this to have more time with her before she started school. Miss work. Miss interaction. Just miss being without someone talking to me. Feel guilty for all of the above

Mrsdoubtfireswig · 28/05/2020 22:36

I put the radio one whilst I was making tea yesterday - to listen to something else other than peppa pig / mr tumble / mummy mummy mummy / temper screams - after a couple of songs I felt better, and DS was fine as started dancing.

I’m a lone parent and wfh so feel like have had CBeebies / nursery rhymes / gruffalo / peppa on repeat in the background from the second we wake up - I just wanted to listen to adults talking (not about work) and some music !

We’ve had far too much screen time and not enough play outside but hopefully once nursery reopens next week we can redress the balance

I do feel like I’ve not relaxed or had any sort of break for 10 weeks though