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Original poster

Anyones partner still live with their ex?

70 replies

JJJJJ00000 · 27/05/2020 18:35

What it says in the title really. Anyones partner still live with their ex? How do you handle it?

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2020 20:13

The reason I wouldn't be willing to put up with this arrangement isn't because I'd think he was automatically cheating on me, it's just that this would make me feel very uncomfortable and unhappy. I wouldn't want to be with someone that would willingly put me in that prolonged position (or unwillingly do it if the ex is so high conflict that there's no other way for him to see his kids, as the end result is the same).

You are quite defensive of there not being a problem, though, so could you go into a bit more detail about what elements of it do bother you?

wonkytonkwoman · 27/05/2020 20:14

I think you're being taken for a ride, I'm afraid.

Original poster
JJJJJ00000 · 27/05/2020 20:17

We've spoke about living together and is in the plans for the future, we both have children and we are yet to meet eachothers. Thats why we don't live together at the moment. Pre lockdown, we spent time together when we were both child free.

Since weve been told we can meet one other person outside weve met quite a few times. We videocall every night.

No, I haven't been there. His ex and me haven't met yet and his DC are there.

OP posts:
lyralalala · 27/05/2020 20:19

What is his plan for post lockdown?

I know a couple of people who are living with exes during lockdown, it's a different set up than moving back in and staying there full time.

What has made you post? Something must have bugged you today for you to do that

Original poster
JJJJJ00000 · 27/05/2020 20:25

The only thing that bothers me is how long this lockdown is going to last. I miss him, I miss spending quality time with him. And yeah, sometimes there are little thoughts that pop into my head but hes never hidden anything from me.
Any chance we get to spend time together he's on it, hes always planning.. hey, I'm free today, can you meet.

I've been hurt in every relationship I've been in, thats playing a part in it.
Today has just been one of those days.

OP posts:
Original poster
JJJJJ00000 · 27/05/2020 20:27

When lockdown is over he will going back to his parents to continue saving for his own place.

OP posts:
LemonyCupcake · 27/05/2020 20:30

Sorry OP this is not a good situ

I would not be happy with this personally

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 27/05/2020 20:34

Are you just looking for solidarity from other people in weird relationship situations? As you seem quite accepting of it all!

I agree with others, the manipulative ex who is (allegedly) withholding contact unless he stays at her home is going to be a problem long term. Even when he moves out again. He needs to sort that shit ASAP!

If you want to have a look for my thread on a similar issue feel free Grin My DP’s ex doesn’t live there, but she may as well do given how much frigging time she spends there.

For me it’s not about sexual infidelity, it’s about familiarity, boundaries, having a place in his family etc. There’s a territorial element to it, that regardless of how much he reassures me, or how unlikely sex might be between them, it’s watching the way they interact - the years of ‘shorthand’ and memories, the DCs that display traits of them both, a physical reminder that they DID USED to have sex! Even when he’s annoyed by her, the fact that she still has any impact on him gets to me!

It’s hard. Having a relationship where there’s another person loitering in the background or loudly in the foreground most of the time is unnatural.

Original poster
JJJJJ00000 · 27/05/2020 20:45

Anyone who's in/been in the same or a similar situation. I trust him completely, ive been given no reason to not trust him.
I haven't accepted it and I doubt I ever will just trying to deal with it as best I can. I know its only for the short term which helps.
When we first met early last year, he told his ex he had met me after a few months of dating, she started being funny round contact with the children. As time has gone on, she has seemed to have accepted the fact and was all going good till the lockdown hit. I can see her point as I've not wanted my kids to go anywhere with the current situation. We've certainly not had people in and out of the house.

OP posts:
choli · 27/05/2020 20:45

I wouldn't consider someone living with his ex to be my partner.

Morgan12 · 27/05/2020 20:52

I think he will have had sex with her.

Pavlova31 · 27/05/2020 21:01

I would not be involved until he is living independently.

BeltaneBride · 27/05/2020 21:26

OP -am really sorry but .i agree with other posters. He is allowed to see his kids in lockdown without living with their mother. So would be massive signal that he chooses to be with her.

Original poster
JJJJJ00000 · 27/05/2020 21:34

He hasn't chosen to live with her, she wouldn't allow him to visit during the lockdown due to their son having serious health issues. She didn't want him in and out every other day not knowing who he had been in contact with. He went there to be with his children rather than not seeing them for months on end.

OP posts:
Snowdown24 · 27/05/2020 21:42

Is he not adult enough to not be in contact with lots of people if he is visiting his vulnerable son continuously?

If the answer isn’t no, then there is no reason for him to have moved back in.

He probably isn’t sleeping with her, but no way they haven’t had at it at all during lockdown....

What would the case be if she had a partner living with her? Would she expect her ex to move in with the pair of them? If the answer is again no..... then there is no reason for him to have moved back in.

ElonsMusk · 27/05/2020 21:46

Would not get involved in a situation like this. All the bullshit cliche lines of sleeping in the spare room, no sex for years etc sound like lies to me for a man who wants his cake and eat it with a bit on the side.

speakout · 27/05/2020 21:50

Sorry OP he is not your partner.

He is living with ( and probably having sex with ) another woman.

backseatcookers · 27/05/2020 21:52

Are you very young OP?

You sound very naive.

Original poster
JJJJJ00000 · 27/05/2020 21:52

How has this turned into a "theyre sleeping together" thread?

I asked if anyone has been or are in the same or similar situation and if so how did they handle/deal with it.

If you're not here to answer the question asked then kindly take your comments elsewhere.
I get that lockdown is boring but jumping on people who are struggling to deal with things isn't helping anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
JJJJJ00000 · 27/05/2020 21:57

I'm 37

OP posts:
backseatcookers · 27/05/2020 22:08

Just realised I think you've posted a few times about this previously.

I think you've put this relationship / this man on a pedestal and aren't being very open to the fact that there are huge complications / challenges that aren't necessarily worth the upset it's started causing you and will continue to do so.

Ullupullu · 27/05/2020 22:10

Why did you start the thread OP? It seems lots of people are offering their opinion and advice.

Qwerty543 · 27/05/2020 22:16

I had to live with my ex for a while. I was dating and he wasn't put off. It was always going to be temporary as just upping and moving out at the end of a long relationship is not always possible.

We were NOT sleeping together at all. The living together arrangement ended and I'm still with the same man who I was seeing at the time.

It is not always a case of they will secretly be sleeping together etc.

FreedomBird · 27/05/2020 22:24

Maybe he’s just a good dad? Not all men are lying cheating bastards. Some of them just want to do the best thing by their kids.
Just be patient. You will soon see the end result of all this. He will either move out of hers or he won’t.

Please advise him to get legal advice. She should not be preventing him from seeing his kids.

Mrscastevet · 27/05/2020 22:24

I live with an ex simply because of money and children (particularly as one has special needs, requires one parent carer and one of us needs to work!). Not ideal but we are basically housemates who have children in common. Said children are aware of the situation. We are keen to go out separate ways but until then, it is what it is. We are absolutely not in any way interested in reconciling!