My son gets out of bed approx 50x each evening

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

.... and it’s getting worse.

-He’s 2 and a half.
-His bedroom is absolutely blacked out
-The temperature is a perfect 18°
-Before bed he gets stories one on one with me or DH, away from his two sisters
-He has a shower before bed as he loves a shower, we try and stagger this as if all three children are showered/bathed together it turns into a rave.

• Once he sleeps he’s out for the night
• but he needs needs needs 11 hours or so which is why when he’s having an up and down evening and won’t sleep until 9 he will be up at 5am the next day as he’s fucked.

Last night he was out of bed FIFTY EIGHT TIMES. We counted. It took 2 hours to settle him. We just don’t engage but lead him back and put him in quiet, no fuss.

Tell me if you had a kid that just would not stay the fuck in bed and how it got better for you?

I’m at my wits’ fucking end.

Can you put a baby gate over his door so he can't get out of his bedroom? Then just ignore him until he goes to sleep?

I agree with @vanillandhoney ; if he's 100% safe just leave him. Does his coming and going affect others sleep? I'm sorry @op it sounds horrendous but he will get there.

I had one like that - it is so draining! People wouldn't believe me but he also got up 50+ times on the nights I had the humour left to count! I was caving after 2 hours and lying with him so I just dug deep and stuck it out one day - it took him 3 and a half hours to go to sleep the first night, about 2 the next couple of nights then settled at about an hour for a while after that.
I also went for a stairgate in the end - I'd hated the thought of it but then wished I'd done it earlier. It meant I didn't need to go in as often - he was still out of his bed like a jack in the box but he wasn't immediately to me so that took the shine off it for him.
I also think he sensed my stress - I dreaded bedtimes so he played up to that but no advice there I'm afraid! They're still my most stressful time and he practically puts himself to bed now!

I am literally at a loss.

I see what he does, his eyes close, then they flick open like a doll’s and he actually JUMPS up then boings off the side of the bed, over the bed guard.

After around 30 mins he’s knackered, yet he will go for another 60 like some exhausted jack in the box.

Upsetting and blindly infuriating all in one.

So long as he's safe in his room I would honestly just put a baby gate over the door and leave him in there. He'll sleep eventually.

Why's he getting up?...if it's for you then I wonder if the Kiss & Retreat method might work???(Google it), or even a Gro Clock? Neither of these work for my sleep dodger. She's s is 3 and I just lie with her until she sleeps. Quickest way now, she's out to it in 10mins, any other way is just a headache. I'm hopeful she won't still want me there when she's 18....

Neither worked for me. I mentioned them as both have worked for friends with children of similar ages ...

My eldest was like this at 2 when she first went into a bed. She's now 13 and won't get out of bed!! No advice, we just persevered, no talking, led her back to bed and she eventually gave up. She still does her evening up and downstairs every now and then, need a drink, etc, just to prolong going to bed. Think it's fear of missing out on any fun.

How does he fall asleep in the end? Do you stay? Have you tried asking him why he gets up? My ds hated the dark, he was genuinely terrified so we put a dimmer switch in his room and then he stayed in bed. He still leaves the light on aged 10! Alternatively could you put an audible book on for him to listen to until he falls asleep?

Another vote for just gating the door and leaving him to it. When i was wee my dad tied the door shut with a dressing gown cord and let me yell until i was done! I fell asleep on the floor for three days and then started sleeping like a human, not a demon.

I think I'd be telling him if he can't behave like a big boy and stay in bed then he'll have to go back in the cot like a baby. Is that an option? Any idea why he's doing it? I admire your patience, I'm sure I would have lost it before now if he was mine. A stair gate at the door sounds a good idea. We did that, but our main justification for that was a twisty old staircase immediately to the right of their bedroom door that we didn't want them falling down by accident. It did work well at keeping them in their room if they were being a bit silly though.

We did the stair gate too. Oldest thought it was the funniest thing to appear in the living room, we were in a bungalow. First time he actually flung his arms out and said Ta-Dah. Dh and I nearly exploded trying not to laugh.
Up went the gate, and he'd crash in his room somewhere, I'd scoop him up and tuck him in on my way to bed. Seemed to work fine.

WELL

we shut the door

AND

he rattled it a bit

two shouts for dada

now asleep

OMG

I agree. Stairgate over his door Might help :)

Calpol?

Watching with frantic interest. My 3.4 year old can now climb over her stair gate. I am getting beyond desperate.

Do you stay with him until he's actually asleep? My 3 year old dd has us cuddled up with her for however many stories it takes to get her to sleep. We stay until she's snoring with her eyes rolled back in her head. She doesn't nap any more, we get her in bed for stories by 6.30 and she's often asleep by 7pm. When she used to nap, she'd be in bed at 8 and lights off at 9. But we've always stayed until she's properly asleep.

Good work! Hope tomorrow night is the same. Also, your username makes me feel slightly queasy...

We typically settle him then leave.

He’s never been the fastest settler, plus he sometimes needs an audiobook or gentle lullaby music but of late I think it’s been more of a problem than a solution.

For a while music to settle him then silence to allow switch off was a good combo. That’s been out the window for a while.

But tonight was the first night we closed the door fully and let him rattle it. He’s been silent for 30 mins now (although my paranoia is now rampant but that’s another story).

I quit being nice and quiet and silently leading them back to bed (ie engaging) on a nightly basis and properly told them off and set out the rules. They had their drink by their bed, they had their preferred conditions re lights, blankets etc, they were in night nappies at that stage anyway, they weren’t remotely scared, they hadn’t suddenly became ill in the six seconds since I put them in bed so they were in big trouble if they got out of bed again. (Obviously middle of the night scared or sick was different.) Then I sat on the chair in their room to enforce it (if they got out and into the hallway it was too much fun/engagement putting them back) and waited while they fell asleep. Any attempt at conversation was quickly shut down with “tell me/ask me in the morning”. I was happy to swap fifteen minutes sat playing on my phone in silence for hours putting them in and out their bedrooms. Two nights of messing around and they gave up and now we have bedtime routine and chat, light off, I sit there for ten minutes and then that’s them done until morning.

@Quickerthanavicar ...not sure how that would help?

Why would you shut a very young child in their dark room on their own? I magazine being scared alone and crying for help but no one comes to you.
What if my partner decided it was time for me to go to bed then just shut me in a dark locked room- would that be ok?

runrabbit no one is suggesting you do it. Feel free to spend 3 hours a night putting your child back in bed 50+ times if that's what makes you happy.

Why not keep him up with you until later? He's obviously not ready to settle down for the night and would prefer to be with mum and dad. There is no written rule that you have to put a child to bed early, he's an individual.

I also don't get the blacked out room, small children usually have a bedside night light.