My son gets out of bed approx 50x each evening

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

.... and it’s getting worse.

-He’s 2 and a half.
-His bedroom is absolutely blacked out
-The temperature is a perfect 18°
-Before bed he gets stories one on one with me or DH, away from his two sisters
-He has a shower before bed as he loves a shower, we try and stagger this as if all three children are showered/bathed together it turns into a rave.

• Once he sleeps he’s out for the night
• but he needs needs needs 11 hours or so which is why when he’s having an up and down evening and won’t sleep until 9 he will be up at 5am the next day as he’s fucked.

Last night he was out of bed FIFTY EIGHT TIMES. We counted. It took 2 hours to settle him. We just don’t engage but lead him back and put him in quiet, no fuss.

Tell me if you had a kid that just would not stay the fuck in bed and how it got better for you?

I’m at my wits’ fucking end.

Funnily enough I (and most other parents ) can tell the difference between child being genuinely scared and just messing about or being cross because they have to go to bed. The situation bears no resemblance to a relationship between adult partners. I wouldn’t tolerate being woken at 5am every day or being woken at 2am because “I thought I saw a fly in my room but it was just a piece of paper” from my adult partner either.

small children usually have a bedside night light.

Mine didn't. Both of mine would only sleep if the room was in complete darkness.

As regards the nightlight we have one with the lowest wattage ever that has worked in the past, it’s one of the old IKEA highlights but something isn’t working as it emits so little light but it’s worked in the past and it worked tonight.

The blackout blind is needed as it starts getting light up here at 4am. When the baby makes a growl at 5am that can wake DS and any light in the room will seal the deal.

He needs 12 hours sleep; the difference if he gets < 11 is very noticeable. That’s why he needs to get what it is it switch off and self settle - which he can do - but he’s deep in a phase of finding it extremely hard and everyone loses.

Did he stay asleep last night, OP?

Apart from a completely random blip where he was bellowing for Elsa and Anna at 4am he did very well. Same tactic tonight, let him have a few ups and downs then rubbish nightlight and door closed.

I hope you explained to him that yes, whilst Frozen was a step forward for Disney in moving away from the 'man rescues damsel in distress' trope, he would find a stronger female protagonist in Moana. And it has a funny chicken.

Well that's amazing, hopefully you'll all have a brilliant day today because everyone got a decent nights sleep. Hopefully another good night tonight with the same formula.

Is he physically tiring himself out in the day? Is he still napping? These two were key to getting mine to sleep by themselves at 2 xx

He doesn’t nap anymore, hasn’t for months and he is in the garden and walks for a fair old while, so I think it’s a yes on both fronts!

Project CloseTheDoor has commenced. There is much shouting for me. I am feeling quite sad.

Have you thought about asking for professional help - there’s a team of behavioural sleep support consultants in Scotland that are free govt backed, must be similar in England. In the end though melatonin worked for us, my dd never stopped being a frequent night waker and we got some help just before she turned 5. I hope yours settles though as it sounds as though you’ve made some progress.

If only they’d get the amount of sleep they actually need!

I sat in the room with mine in the dark one night and everytime they sat up I gently pushed them back down and said night night. Took one evening of this. Prior to that I’d let them get right out of bed and then took them back as was advised.

He’s been asleep for 20 mins, actually cannot believe this.

Yes! Good work OP! Hopefully the habit has been broken 🤞

I was like this as a child. It was anxiety for me. I was scared everyone else was dead. My mum in the end put a night light in my room and a baby monitor. If she had put a baby gate on my door I would have screamed the house down and did apparently when she shut the door. The other thing she did was tell me if I couldn't sleep in could get up and play or read, but not wake them up.

Do you know why he is getting up?

Ah, second page hadn't loaded. Glad to see an improvement.

Fingers crossed the door keeps working

We had a couple of things.
When they moved out of the cot we kept it up and said if they didn't stay in bed after we said goodnight they went back in the cot.
Eldest was out of the cot around 18months because the youngest needed it then.

We always had a baby gate across the bedroom so I could put them in their room while I showered- they could see me in the bathroom from the door.

Grow clock - worked okay but they had to be a bit older for this.

We always closed bedroom doors - our house was small and noise carried so we would keep them away otherwise.

Keep at it op.

Also the PP who suggested Calpol- seriously? Calpol is liquid paracetamol, it has no sleep inducing powers and suggesting it's use for non pain/fever relief is dangerous, stupid and irresponsible. ,

Night 3.

Many shouts for daddy now, as well as “I just sad”.

A PP mentioned about having terrible anxiety at night and another PP mentioned their dad having to tie the door, both of these were the case when I was a kid but I only remember it really kicking in when I was about 6 or so.

I really want to avoid ever having to do that to any of the children nor have them associate bedtime with anxiety which is why we are trying hard to get them into good habits in case they end up like me as a kid, always out of bed suffering from FOMO.

I ended up with insomnia in my teens so badly I wouldn’t sleep until 3am then I’d get up and have to do a school day on 4hrs’ sleep - it was shit.

Anyway, therapy session over the plus is that whilst he’s not happy, he’s not been out of bed every 45 - 60 seconds, the previous norm for this phase of the evening

Mine were a little older than this when I found that trying to 'make them sleep' wasn't achieving anything. So I told them that, as long as they were in their rooms and quiet, they could read or play. There was a fair bit of falling asleep in one another's beds or on the floor to start with, but it sorted out in the end. I just didn't have the time or energy to sit with all five individually to get them to sleep!

what would calpol do?!

The way we’ve done it has worked the past 3 nights so we will stick at it for now.

He’s agitating on and off for about 15 mins with a few jumps in and out of bed, and then he tunnels under the covers and we find him asleep within 40 mins with his legs sticking out the side of the bed, deep in horizontal slumber.

I appreciate the way we’ve done it isn’t for everyone but we have to think of the other two and he’s showing no signs of distress nor completely freaking out.

To hear him say “I just sad” would put the poleaxe through anyone, but he’s 2 so any thing he doesn’t get his way on at the moment elicits that’s response.

Hopefully this will enable others to see that yes it’s hard on everyone, but to have him exhausted and zombie like at 9pm after 2 hours of jumping out his bed and running across the hall means whatever prevents that is necessary.

My oldest used to get out of bed. We used to totally not engage with him unless he needed a wee or a drink or a cuddle for a nightmare etc but if it was just attention seeking we'd either put on a really boring documentary or read to him from my husbands chemical engineering books from uni. He'd be asleep within minutes and we'd pop him back in bed 😂