I'm having an anxiety attack

[Hopefulmidwife]

...non covid related. Just can feel an attack coming on. Can anyone post things to distract me? Funny facts, anecdotes about your day etc?

My DS today, when I was grilling halloumi cheese on the BBQ: 'what does cheese say when looking in the mirror? Halloumi!

Sorry it's a really stupid joke but for some reason I thought it was hilarious.

Hello! My friend has just spent £100 on pick and mix online for herself. £100!!!

@QueenBlueberries that made me laugh thank you!!

@hermionegrange there's a lot of that around here lately, pick and mix being delivered to homes. Not that expensive though... how do you spend £100!

I saw this on Twitter and it really made me chuckle. Hope it rises a smile at least and you’re feeling more yourself soon.

Hello!

Well today I tried gardening, lots of little flowers coming through the tall grass and so many pretty colours to them. One of our cats was sleeping so deeply she slid off the garden chair, she didn’t mind at all and carried on sleeping on the grass!

It has been a bit sunny and I’m hoping for some cloud to cool us down tomorrow.

Sometimes I think of all the beautiful space above my head when I’m anxious. At the moment the sky is full of very big pillow-shaped clouds gently moving eastwards, and some stars twinkling beyond.

Have you had an evening meal? Xxxxx

How do you get Pikachu on a train?

Pokemon 😂😂😂

Omg that shoe!!

£100! You'd be drowning in Haribo!

£100 on pic and mix, is it coming on a low loader?

My cat has just yelled at me to turn the fan off... and promptly settled down on me for a nap. He's fucking massive and weighs over 6kg. DH thought that was really funny 🤦🏼‍♀️.

Here's a dog in hat 'cause it's really cute 🥰.

We have an online quiz this weekend and my teenagers are doing a round and it's 'who said that - Trump or Homer Simpson'

You guess

'In America, First You Get The Sugar, Then You Get The Power, Then You Get The Women'

'‘The point is, you can never be too greedy'

'Apologising is a great thing, but you have to be wrong.

'Facts Are Meaningless. You Could Use Facts To Prove Anything That's Even Remotely True.”

“All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.”

'Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make.'

Strongly recommend the threads in Classics on here OP, they’ve helped distract me from attacks quite a few times

Here’s my favourite - Elderly Korean Lady!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/2154580-There-is-a-tiny-elderly-Korean-lady-in-my-garden-and-I-want-to-go-out

Thank you everyone, lots of smiles through the tears! I shall head to classics in a bit. I've just sat in the shower for 15 mins and just let it soak me. I was doing so well, I hadn't had an attack in so long

Hugs 🤗 OP

Queen, we need the answers!!! (please!!)

Hi Op, I hope you are feeling better this morning and managed to get some sleep. Anxiety is a nasty bugger. Am tempted to buy pick and mix now!!

'In America, First You Get The Sugar, Then You Get The Power, Then You Get The Women' -Homer!

'‘The point is, you can never be too greedy' - Trump!!

'Apologising is a great thing, but you have to be wrong. - Trump

'Facts Are Meaningless. You Could Use Facts To Prove Anything That's Even Remotely True.” - Homer

“All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals.” - Homer

'Sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make.' Trump

We've just been for a walk with our dog. I turned to look at DH and a bird had shat all down the front of his jacket. I laughed my head off at him, but when we got home and I got out of the car, he started absolutely howling because there was ten times more bird crap all down the back of me

Cheese jokes

What’s a hen’s favourite cheese?
Pecorino

Where does a cheese psychiatrist work?
In Emmenthal hospital

I have an inventory of jokes in my phone - here goes!

I went to the best ever burger van yesterday. It was so good, it had 4 Michelin tyres!

What sits in a tree and says "Aaah!"
An owl with a speech impediment.

What do you call a French man wearing sandals?
Phillipe Phillope

What's the capital of Spain?
S

What do you call a Spanish man who's just out of hospital?
Manuel

What do you call a Spanish man who's just had his car stolen?
Carlos

I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said "Thanks!" and I said "Don't mention it!"

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, a house can't jump at all!

Can you sing under pressure?
No, but I can sing Bohemian Rhapsody.

What's the best thing about Switzerland?
The flag's a big plus!

Did you hear about the man who hates negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

What do we want?
Weird aeroplane noises!
When do we want them?
NNNNNNNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW.

How are you feeling today op?

Not bad thank you @hermionegrange. I have good and bad days. This attack I don't think was covid related however the situation isn't helping. This thread and a phone call to my Mum helped immeasurably though, so hopefully it'll be another few months before my next one!

I had two double entendres, but I rubbed one out.

Will glass coffins catch on? Remains to be seen.