I need help figuring out what is wrong with me..

[Helpmepplease]

I've name changed.

I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember.
Around 2017, I was due to have an operation and I remember this triggering what is now a long term problematic issue that I just can't seem to get rid of, and I'm desperate.

It basically started with muscle tightening, which turned into pain around my shoulder/chest/back/arm and then I got nerve issues in my fingers and shoulder.
I was convinced I somehow had breast cancer as I was getting very odd hot sensations in my breast.

To cut a long story short, I had multiple MRI's and breast checks and there was nothing wrong, it was all me. I was tensing my body so hard it was creating all of this. It took over a year to learn not to do it and I was so happy when it finally went.

Fast forward to two years ago, I moved house, the house had mold, I was allergic. I changed the way I was breathing and holding myself and again this created a really unpleasant set of symptoms that I still suffer with to this day.
I became ill with a respiratory problem and developed some weird phlegmy throat and cough which I was told was silent reflux.

Took the medication, it seemed to help but it never went away.

Basically I realised that it was all me again. except this time I can't make it go away and I'm desperate because the symptoms are so unpleasant they affect my day to day living and today I woke up and thought I just want to die.

I don't want to drip feed so I will list my symptoms I currently feel everyday:
Tightness in my throat
The need to cough and clear throat
Tightening my stomach (literally doing it now)
Breathing fast and shallow which creates burning in my mouth

I have taken PPI's, gaviscon for so long and they do nothing. I know this is not reflux. I had an X-ray of my lungs, they're absolutely fine.

When I do things that distract me, my symptoms go away or they're lessened. This is my anxiety isn't it? Something is mentally wrong with me and I just don't know what to do about it.

SSRI's don't agree with me. I take amitriptyline but it only takes the edge off. Propanolol does nothing for me anymore.

I just feel like I'm beyond being saved anymore
I'm so sorry that was such a long read.

I should probably add that drinking alcohol makes me feel great. I know I shouldn't but it does help and relaxes me and I often have no symptoms once I've drank a bit.

I don't do this regularly by the way, I'm not a big drinker at all. But I've definitely drank more since this all began.

It sounds like extreme anxiety yes.
Please call your gp and tell them exactly what you told us. Sounds like compulsive hehaviour. I understand totally about alcohol lessening your symptoms too.
Hope your doctor can put you in touch with some therapy. You can also research and go private which would be a lot quicker.
Sending a very big hug

This is anxiety, you've admitted that...

Agree with above, make an appointment with GP
My understanding with SSRI's is the initial prescription may be the right one but if not talk to your Doctor, they will offer an alternative and will continue doing so till you find the one that works. However antidepressants are not the be all and end all. You have to find a counsellor and talk through your issues, start with your Doctor regarding talking therapy but in the mean time take a look at MIND, the mental health charity. The road to managing your mental health is what you've already done; admitting that you suffer. From there it's about reaching out, discovering your triggers and how to manage them. Having a mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of more people suffer in silence than care to admit. Good luck

I agree with everyone saying get some therapy. Find someone you like.

Thank you. Yes they are compulsions.
I'm actually starting mental health nursing soon and I'm worried this will affect my application to be honest. I do need to see the GP. Can I still go in this current climate? I don't feel like I'm an emergency so I probably need to wait right?

Thank you for clarifying that to me. I know it's anxiety but my mind makes me think it's something severe. I just can't seem to control it.

You can ring your GP about that today. You don't need to wait.

Have you tried mindfulness or cbt or exercising? They all helped me loads.

You might want to look for someone who specialises in body work or sensorimotor psychotherapy as they will be able to help you with the breathing etc.

Do you do mindfulness or yoga? Both might help. The breathing is probably the key thing to change as it impacts so much of how we feel.

I used to do yoga but it used to make me worse when my arm was bad.

Can't do mindfulness as it mostly involves breathing techniques and it's my breathing that is affected. When I focus on it, it makes it worse.

I have tried lots of difference exercises believe me.

Mindfulness used to work when it was just my arm that bothered me.
To be honest what I really need to do is find something that keeps me focused and distracted. It's honestly like having ocd, but in my body... Does that make sense? I wake up everyday and it's the first thing I think of. I honestly feel so self absorbed it's horrible. I wish I didn't think like this.

I think this would help traumaprevention.com/. You can learn it easily with even just one session and then use to reset your nervous system and release the tensions in your body. It's very easy can be done at home feels relaxing and will reset your autonomic nervous system which will help with your symptoms. Lots of science behind it so not just quackery

Thanks @Stuffofawesome I'll have a go of this today.

This could be a form of OCD. Have you tried CBT?

@DubiousGoals no I haven't. I've had counselling and tried different medications and I just don't seem to get on with SSRI's. I've take amitryptyline for as long as I can remember because I also struggle with sleep.

When I get really stressed out and panicky I have hypnopompic hallucinations.
I know it doesn't sound great does it. I'm honestly at a loss with myself and I just don't know how to stop my body from doing this, I really wish there was a switch I just flick to turn it off.

Thank you btw, to everyone who is being so sympathetic and helpful. I don't speak about this with anyone and only husband & GP knows I suffer with this.
It's really nice to just talk about it openly.

I really feel for you. Yes this sounds like a ocd compulsion. Deffo look into the pp recommendations for therapy . I love EFT and kinesiology. If you’ve said alcohol helps have you tried cbt oil?

You've done brilliantly posting here and being honest. Please don't worry about how it sounds. Your gp will be able to talk to you over the phone if you can't go in.
When my anxiety is overwhelming me I go out powerwalking and listen to a podcast or audio book or sometimes episodes of something I find funny on YouTube. Helps to "lose yourself" for a while.
Big hugs xx

@helpmepplease

CBT helps you identify negative thought patterns and behaviours and develop strategies to change them. You can get (I think) 6 sessions on the NHS but there might be a long waiting list. The Mind website has some good info about it

www.mind.org.uk

@DubiousGoals is there a way to get this without going through my GP? Like a self referral system? This is what I did with my counselling.
I'm worried about going to my GP. It will have so many implications for me.

I'm stuck in such a horrible dilemma.
I just googled my symptoms and I don't even know if it is OCD, it seems to come under a sub of OCD, like a tic?

Ok scrap my last message, I've found the self referral service but they're not currently taking referrals so looks like I will have to wait either way.

Phone your GP. She will know what to do. I think it’s very likely to be anxiety as you suggest.

But it could be also allergies which are contributing?

There’s a link between phlegm production and dairy in some people. Try stopping dairy (all butter, milk, cheese, cream and products which contain these like cake etc) and see if that reduces the phlegm.

If it’s in any way related to acid reflux review your diet. Stop eating crap! Don’t eat late at night.

What happens if you take antihistamines? Does that help your breathing?

I’m sure you’ll get to the bottom of this. There will be something you can do.

I have done a lot with my diet. I've always had an issue with coughing after eating but I can assure it's not reflux, it's post nasal drip. Sadly this doesn't help because when I do tighten my throat/chest that build up of phlegm is what I'm basically feeling and is what is causing me to cough/throat clear.

I went plant based, cut out all dairy, cut out crap, I lost 25lbs and was regimented with PPI's and it made zero difference so I know it's not reflux.
Antihistamines did help, but antihistamines will do that if you have post nasal drip anyway. Clearly I do have some sort of mild allergy as I often have a runny nose, phlegmy cough regardless of my ocd issues, they have been present with me ever since I was a teen, but they never ever bothered me.

This tightening situation is new to me. It makes everything that I was never bothered about or noticed more noticeable!

Well done on the healthy choices.

Perhaps you need allergy tested? Then you’ll know what to avoid. Another thing the GP can advise on while you’re there (remotely or in person).

@Elieza thank you. I just can't look at this like it's a physical illness anymore and I'm sorry if I came across as negative to your suggestions but all I've done for the past two years is frighten myself into thinking it's all sorts and I just don't believe that a physical illness would only present itself whenever I was ruminating about it. Which is pretty much all day other than when I'm distracted and focused on something else and then I don't notice it, how can that be a physical underlying problem?
The allergy this is something I've ALWAYS had. This isn't new and it never bothered me, I lived life absolutely fine.

This all started after moving into a house with mold, just like my shoulder pain started after fretting about my operation. This is psychological and I know it.

Somewhat difficult for me to say this but I've been exactly where you are...

From one person to another who knows what your experiencing please stop googling your symptoms. It does absolutely no good...
A phrase that a counsellor used and one to remember:
When you hear hoof beats think horses not zebra's
Meaning - the most obvious answer is often the truth.
If you want to Goole anything, which I highly recommend you don't but if you do, symptoms both mental and physical of anxiety/depression. You may have a tic/ OCD but until you make that appointment with your GP, see the Doctor all your doing is working yourself up.
Mental health is not something to be ashamed of, thousands and thousands of people have been diagnosed with a mental health problem and it certainly has not stopped them from getting work.

Here are a couple of tips given to me by a paramedic to help with my anxiety - The paramedic in question suffered a nervous breakdown 5 years earlier...

Go for a walk/ Get out in nature. To focus, look around and try to find as many things as you can that are green/ yellow/red, numbers, cars whatever. Doing this stops you thinking about your issues, it gets you out of your own head.

Do exercise - If gives your head a natural boost of serotonin

Get a journal - Write down how your feeling and what's bothering you. What this does is get those thoughts out of your head so you stop going over and over them.

As I said at the beginning, I've been where you are
Take care & I hope I've not been to harsh.

Anxiety does weird things to your body
Belief me, I’ve had chronic anxiety since 25 now 62 (on/off) more on during menopause!!

I can get new symptoms each time a gave a blip
At the moment I’ve got
Tension in my teeth, aching in all my teeth
But not noticed I hold them tense
My tongue so dry it hurts
I have an ache in the outside of my leg just to the knee that constant, a dull ache

Like you if I can get involved in something
They’ve gone, till I notice them next time
It’s a vicious circle ⭕️. It needs breaking
So the experts say!!!!! Easy said than done

I’m not talking worry anxiety, I’m talking chronic GAD everyday anxiety
Enough to stop you from working and having a social life.
Sound dramatic, I can assure you totally true

You name it , I’ve tried it. Nhs and private
It’s acceptance, not trying to ignore it
That is impossible with physical symptoms