I need help figuring out what is wrong with me..

[Helpmepplease]

I've name changed.

I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember.
Around 2017, I was due to have an operation and I remember this triggering what is now a long term problematic issue that I just can't seem to get rid of, and I'm desperate.

It basically started with muscle tightening, which turned into pain around my shoulder/chest/back/arm and then I got nerve issues in my fingers and shoulder.
I was convinced I somehow had breast cancer as I was getting very odd hot sensations in my breast.

To cut a long story short, I had multiple MRI's and breast checks and there was nothing wrong, it was all me. I was tensing my body so hard it was creating all of this. It took over a year to learn not to do it and I was so happy when it finally went.

Fast forward to two years ago, I moved house, the house had mold, I was allergic. I changed the way I was breathing and holding myself and again this created a really unpleasant set of symptoms that I still suffer with to this day.
I became ill with a respiratory problem and developed some weird phlegmy throat and cough which I was told was silent reflux.

Took the medication, it seemed to help but it never went away.

Basically I realised that it was all me again. except this time I can't make it go away and I'm desperate because the symptoms are so unpleasant they affect my day to day living and today I woke up and thought I just want to die.

I don't want to drip feed so I will list my symptoms I currently feel everyday:
Tightness in my throat
The need to cough and clear throat
Tightening my stomach (literally doing it now)
Breathing fast and shallow which creates burning in my mouth

I have taken PPI's, gaviscon for so long and they do nothing. I know this is not reflux. I had an X-ray of my lungs, they're absolutely fine.

When I do things that distract me, my symptoms go away or they're lessened. This is my anxiety isn't it? Something is mentally wrong with me and I just don't know what to do about it.

SSRI's don't agree with me. I take amitriptyline but it only takes the edge off. Propanolol does nothing for me anymore.

I just feel like I'm beyond being saved anymore
I'm so sorry that was such a long read.

Honey you’re anxiety is palpable. It almost sounds like a Tourette’s type tic or compulsion. Which could be caused by or Exacerbated by the stress so you’re stuck in a loop

@Captainmarvel0160 you have absolutely not been harsh at all! And yes to the exercise. When I thought this was reflux I went to lengths to lose weight and I noticed exercise really really helped me, when I'd finished I noticed all my symptoms had gone, sadly it would only last for 20 mins but I really enjoyed those 20 mins

Thank you for being so honest and open, I know how hard it is to admit it, especially to others.
I really appreciate the advice you've given and I hope you're in a much better place now

@nannymags that's exactly what it's like. I wake everyday and it's a vicious circle all over again. I did also liken it to a Tourette's type tic. It's very similar.

@granadagirl I feel like we are almost the same. Everything you describe is exactly how I feel. It's so overwhelming it takes over and consumes your life.
I get TMJ too, I've had it since before this all began and I also get a sore tongue, mine burns constantly because of my tensing and breathing.
In a really strange way, it's nice to know I'm not alone

there may be a muscle relaxant that helps??? either prescribed or natural. id almost want some kind of therapy help disassociate from the sensation when you get locked in to a tension frenzy...... almost the opposite of mindfulness?! good luck love