Have you ever had someone take an instant dislike to you for no obvious reason?

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Years ago I was teaching and an author/poet visited the school to sell/sign books and then run a workshop.

I chose a poetry book and asked him to sign it with a message to my class. The first look he gave me was an absolute sneer. I told him I was a fan and he basically replied that couldn’t be as I wouldn’t then be buying this new book, I’d be buying one of his classics.

In the afternoon he ran a work shop and I was the supervising teacher. I’d previously been looking forward to it but after the morning I was a bit cautious. He looked at me like I was shit multiple times throughout and afterwards I found out he’d made a complaint about me to the head that I’d let the children be incredibly unruly! (I hadn’t and luckily she didn’t believe him anyway as it would have been totally out of character for me.)

The thing is; he was charm personified to every single other member of staff! They were all gushing about how lovely he was. I’ve absolutely no idea why he hated just me on sight, but he did.

Has anything like this ever happened to anyone else?

Yes. It was horrible.

My DH has got me a wine tour for my birthday.

Tour starts and the group moves round whilst guide explains. Between talks DH and I chat. During talks we just laugh and ask questions as you do.

I think I whispered something to DH.

Then the tour guide stopped and said are you in the industry? I said no, I work for NHS as a physio. He said well we welcome all competitors. Wtf? Everyone was nervously laughing and another group member said 'oh yes she looks like a spy'.

It was AWFUL. I was mortified.

I wrote to them afterwards but never heard back.

It was like being 5 years old being told off by the headteacher.

I honestly wasn't heckling or being annoying. I have no idea what his problem was.

I know this isn't a popular theory, but I really think a lot these things are people judging by appearances and deciding you're a certain kind of person.
Many years ago, in my twenties, I was slim, pretty, long blonde hair (I'm not boasting, and no longer any of those things haha) I met the man who would become my husband and was introduced to his friends. I got on really well with them, male and female. I had grown up with two sisters and preferred female company, so I got on well with most women. One of my husband's friend's girlfriends took an instant dislike to me and refused to speak to me. She would sit scowling at me and after a while began to copy the way I dressed and flirt with my husband.
When she got married, a year after DH and me, her wedding was an exact copy of mine; same flowers, same hairstyle, same bridesmaid's dresses. I was gobsmacked. I was a much meeker person then and never called her on it.
I don't want to say she was jealous of me because I was so fabulous, I wasn't, far from it, but she was a deeply unpleasant, insecure and poisonous person.

I was waiting at a depot for a load, and another driver kept sneering and tutting. I asked him what his problem was, and it turned out that he'd been banned for shoplifting from the firm I was driving for. I mean, I'm from Yorkshire, but that's quality grudge.

I started work in an office and another woman told me I was the double of her sister - who she didn't like!

I met her mother once and she thought at first I was the sister.

We never got on, I felt my card was marked from the start.

A midwife when I was having DS2. Clearly loathed me on sight. Nasty, snappy and physically rough. Funnily enough years later a new friend was telling me about when her DS was born and how a midwife was so nasty to her that when she subsequently went in to have her DD she refused to have that midwife near her.

I daresay Colchester has many women who had the same experience.

Same midwife btw...

That’s especially awful when you’re so vulnerable @FenellaMaxweII I’m sorry.

But at least you can rest slightly easier knowing that it was her general personality and that she didn’t just hate you specifically!

Ha! Weirdly I was just reading a book that deals with this exact topic in one of the chapters!

I’ve copied and pasted it here, it’s fascinating from a psychological point of view:

“Why do they dislike me?
Do people dislike you for no reason?
Are you wondering why some people hate you?
Do you think that something is wrong with you?
Well there is certainly something wrong.
But the good news is that nothing is wrong with you.
1- You remind them of their failures
Hatred is an emotion that the mind uses to keep a person safe by keeping him away from people who might harm him. If you are successful at anything then some people might feel like losers when they see you and as a result hatred kicks in to protect them. In other words you might be hated because you are really good.
2- You remind them of what they lack
All humans want to be the best among their friends but psychologically unstable ones will hate those who are better than them at anything. You get better grades? You have more friends? You look a bit better? You have a better body? You have a better job? Then you might be hated for that.
3- You Remind them of their horrible past
In my book The psychology of physical attraction i explained how the associations we form can force us to judge people on the first meeting. If you reminded a person of someone who was mean to him then you might be hated. The problem here is with that person's past & not with you.
4- Because they feel worthless
Brave people set goals and achieve them. Cowards run away from big goals then seek cheap victories to feel good about themselves. Some examples of cheap victories are gossiping, putting someone down or bullying someone. All of these actions help a person who already feels worthless to feel a bit better.
5- You remind them of themselves
One of the best defense mechanisms the mind uses to help people deny their personal flaws is to blame someone else for them. In my article Why do people criticize others i explained how people project their own flaws on others to convince themselves that they are flawless.
6- They don't feel safe around you
People dislike the ones they don't feel safe around. Those who suffer from anxiety or those who are too afraid to mingle with new people might dislike strangers just because they don't feel safe around them. They prefer a small circle of friends that gives them the safety they need. (See also Why are some people unfriendly)
7- They think you are a threat
Sometimes a person might dislike you because he thinks that you are a threat. Cowards and weak people automatically dislike anybody who might threaten their position ( Steal their friends, get a share of the attention they are getting, get the job they are applying for ...etc)
What you should do
In order not to be hurt by rejections you have to understand few facts about life. It's impossible to make everyone like you because of the various reasons described above and many others.
You should only stick to the people who truly love you instead of wasting your effort trying to win the approval of those who don't. In order not to feel lonely you need few close friends who really like you and not tens of friends who barely like you.
Finally no one is perfect. Yes you might have some flaws but in many cases people will dislike you because something is wrong with them and not with you”

I can't really think of any, maybe I just don't notice (I'm quite 'mouth in gear but brain not really engaged') but there are a couple of customers (male) who are very wary around me. One is slowly coming around, and we have started to have a bit of banter, the other...has an air about him that he's so much better than me that he doesn't want to have to lower himself to talk to a mere shop worker.

When I first started there were quite a few customers like this, who acted as though I was beneath them, until I was on TV talking about my other job (writing novels, at which I am quite successful), whereupon they decided that I was suddenly worth talking to.

I went on a group travelling/volunteer type trip abroad years ago and one of the other girls just seemed to hate me from the get go. She made a few brazen comments about my weight which I was so taken aback by, and was generally really unpleasant. It really ruined the trip for me. Nowadays I’d have the balls to stand up to her but at the time I was only 19 and just didn’t know what to do. Looking back what upsets me more is the fact that nobody else in the group stood up for me in front of her, they all just sort of looked awkward and asked if I was alright afterwards. I’d never stand for someone bullying another person like that!
Ugh I’m angry now just thinking about it...she also took great pride in the fact her boyfriend was a PT and told us all the awful things he said about his overweight clients. Nasty, nasty piece of work and I genuinely think her issue with me was that I was fat! Never had anything like it before or since...I’ve always been popular as I’m a very confident and secure person. Last I heard she was training to be a nurse 😕

One of my primary school teachers years ago. I was a model student with perfect behaviour, good manners and above average ability in most subjects but it was quite obvious to me and to my parents that she just didn't like me. Maybe because I was quiet, I don't know. I have experienced a few people over the the years who seem to take an instant dislike to quiet or introverted people.

These people seem to know that I can see their true colours. They know I'm on to them.

It’s far more likely they’re thinking, “who is this weird woman and why is she being so unpleasant for no reason when we’ve literally just met” - which is a normal reaction to a total stranger being “aloof” and sending a clear message of dislike - than them psychically knowing that you are “on to them” about some unknown sin or personality flaw.

What a strange, strange way to go through life.

@PicsInRed The other type is people who instantly, viscerally hate someone, but then tend to actively seek out opportunities to interact and attack the object of their hate.. You've cleared up something for me! 2 girls in halls at uni made my 1st year a misery- really nasty targeted stuff, like taking my food, laughed about it, messing up my room- because l was 'boring' apparently for not taking up on the offer to go out in search of some drugs at 3am during Freshers. I joined groups and made other friends but the constant sneers and sniping were draining! The rage from one of them at me for not wanting to go into a shared flat with them the next year was so confusing!

For me, I have AS and am also an introvert. It seems there is a special batch oof hatred for introverts since I cannot for the life of me wonder why someone who doesn't say much is somehow stuck up or superior in demeanor. I was soundly rejected by most girls at school and to the boys a pariah - still had my share of creepy sexual stuff that is apparently courtship don't you knoow.

I did go through a people pleasing phase twice - once at school beacuse that is how girls are socialised but it just made it easier for teachers and for girls to use me as a doormat - when I stopped and just showed my normal emotions they didn't treat me less badly, but my mental health improved. Then at Unviersity I dropped my barriers but as a result had some co-dependants and some friends who would raise some red flags now.
So what I'm saying is don't try and please everyone and find a focus that isn't people related. It always helped me that I was always into science and will do that (then and now) almost to the exclusion of everything else. I have few friends now, but it's quality over quantity.

This thread is also an eye-opener in that yoou can be very empathic but not very sensitive. I'm no good at emotional intelligence and most aspects of pecking orders are lost on me but I empathise with people until its painful. I wonder if OP does the same?

Now I pretty much ignore pecking orders completely and talk to everyone the same way - it does ruffle some feathers but can impress other people too. People will see that you see them as people, not means for social climbing.

'Chemistry' is a thing that we usually only recognise when we are attracted to somebody, but it goes both ways. It's inexplicable, visceral, and powerful. There's nothing wrong with you if someone takes against you, any more than it being proof that something is 'right' with you if someone takes a fancy to you. We're just animals, underneath all our social conventions.

Many years ago I worked in an office where I was accused by a woman of disliking her from the "day she started" which left me confused. She worked in a different team and our paths rarely crossed but at a drunken work party she said she knew I never liked her as I looked at her with such disdain. I can say hand on heart I couldn't recall so much as glancing at her sideways but I do have a bitch resting face.

I also tend to keep to myself in the work environment and she was quite larger than life, very loud and frequently arranged boozy Friday lunches which I rarely attended ( I can't handle afternoon drinking) and I wonder if this was misconstrued. I genuinely had nothing against her whatsoever.

Yes - it's happened both ways. I've had people who've instantly disliked me before even speaking to me and some who've really liked me without having ever spoken to me. Both struck me as odd. The ones who took an instant liking to me would later confess it's because I reminded them (looks/body language) of a lovely ex they had or a family member they were fond of. Obviously, the ones who've hated me on first sight, I've never been able to explore why as people are less forthcoming when it's about hate but I really think it's probably association with a bad memory.

Like with your example, maybe he had an ex who looked like you who broke his heart or even a colleague he hated who looked like you? Maybe he's racist (if you were a different race to him)? I really think that kind of bias can easily make someone dislike you on first instance.

Yes, a few times! The most irrational one though was my BIL’s ex. Neither me nor DH had met her at this point, but we were due to at a special birthday gathering I was hosting for my DH’s birthday. My BIL and her arrived last when the party was in full swing and because I didn’t make a ‘special effort’ to speak to her immediately on their arrival, she hated me from then on! 🙄 She even refused to speak to me on my wedding day, which was a couple of years later and according to my DH spent the entire day sulking and having a pop at my BIL for not marrying her first! 😂 They split up the same year when she had an affair with a work colleague... 😳

Yes. I think my appearance and name has a lot to do with it.

One of my BILs tin an instant dislike to me. It's no loss though, he is a twat anyway. I sometimes get an instant dislike feeling about people I see on the telly, I can't justify it but it's like they can't do anything right. I think it's not too bad though because I'm not in a position to do them any harm, they will never know I dislike then let alone care, and other than shouting at the telly, it is a pretty harmless thing.