Have you ever had someone take an instant dislike to you for no obvious reason?

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Years ago I was teaching and an author/poet visited the school to sell/sign books and then run a workshop.

I chose a poetry book and asked him to sign it with a message to my class. The first look he gave me was an absolute sneer. I told him I was a fan and he basically replied that couldn’t be as I wouldn’t then be buying this new book, I’d be buying one of his classics.

In the afternoon he ran a work shop and I was the supervising teacher. I’d previously been looking forward to it but after the morning I was a bit cautious. He looked at me like I was shit multiple times throughout and afterwards I found out he’d made a complaint about me to the head that I’d let the children be incredibly unruly! (I hadn’t and luckily she didn’t believe him anyway as it would have been totally out of character for me.)

The thing is; he was charm personified to every single other member of staff! They were all gushing about how lovely he was. I’ve absolutely no idea why he hated just me on sight, but he did.

Has anything like this ever happened to anyone else?

@TigerDroveAgain That's the sort of question a composer would ask another composer - he obviously realised he hadn't got a good enough CV to brag!

I'm really chatty and friendly to everyone. Add that to the fact that I'm quite loud and ginormously tall and other women often absolutely hate me. I've learnt to live with it.

The woman 5 doors down has never spoken to me in the ten years I've lived here, she just talks about how horrid I am to the other neighbours. I worked in an office for two years recently where I didn't have a single ally. Twenty years ago I worked in an office as a long term temp where the office manager detested me. Was the longest 7 months of my life.

@StormBaby I'm pretty tall aswell. Taller than most women I meet. I wonder if that's the problem

I started a new job and about a week later, a new manager started. She just blanked me. I wasn't allowed to come to team meetings, she didn't respond to emails or requests for leave. She was in charge of issuing contracts and she wouldn't issue a contract. She didn't stay all that long and when she left, she left an absolute mess behind and e-mailed everyone blaming it on me.

She was a dickhead and was loathed by everyone, so the senior management just laughed but it was a standing joke in the office as to how she treated me, it was utterly bizarre.

Many times. I'm a "goth" so judged on appearance. Most often in shops by the person serving me or parents in the playground. I note the sneer and make a point of being polite and engaging a snippet of friendly conversation. 9 times out of 10 they warm up and treat me like any other person, and even become quite friendly. I shouldn't have to make a point of it but it's nice to see the change of opinion click in that I'm no different to anyone else.

@Wewearpinkonwednesdays could well be. I get told all the time that I'm scary, intimidating, overconfident. I'm really not, I'm the calmest most zen person ever. It's odd.

Several years ago I started a new job and it was quite obvious that one of the guys in the department took an instant dislike to me. Nothing obvious to others around me, but he was really unhelpful in a quietly passive aggressive way and would make really snide, underhand remarks about anything i achieved for the team. He would always withhold anything he contributed to the team but would equally be quite happy to accept anything I did to make his workload easier.

I would beat myself up about it and wonder if I'd put his nose out of joint in some way, but eventually the crunch came when I secured a promotion into another team a couple of years after joining. Not long after that he got horrendously drunk on a staff night out and made a bit of a tit out of himself through being thoroughly nasty and quite personal about me.

Being a lot younger than him at the time, I was afraid to rock the boat and address his nastiness (now I'm older, I perhaps wouldn't be as mild mannered). I'm glad I let it lie, though, as in recent times he has also got a promotion into the team I joined a few years ago and, because I'm the only other member of the organisation that does the exact same job as him, he actually relies on me quite a lot as a result. I do believe he resented me initially coming into the organisation, but now he realises I'm not here to undermine him or whatever, and that I can't be bothered with petty politics, he's eased off a bit.

I am always professional and I never let it affect how I deal with him on a day to day basis, but I can't quite forget the subtly nasty way he treated me for many years.

Yes, when I was a new assistant manager, the manager hated me from the start (despite having interviewed me!) Everything that anyone said or did wrong was attributed to me. He didn't like the way I stood. He didn't like the way I closed doors. He didn't like how my arms looked in meetings. He was a twat.

Only once that it was so noticable even I noticed; I'm not always great on social clues.

I'd moved into a new town and got involved with a small social group of women, who I found online, had things in common with, and who invited me along. Most of them were very welcoming, I spent a fair bit of time with them for a while, and even 18 years later I'm still friends with two of them.

One always seemed very cold, hardly ever spoke to me, made sneery little digs wherever she could, and eventually even stopped turning up to get-togethers, if I was going to be there. Never really found out what the problem was. I assume she just decided from the start she didn't want into the mix and didn't like me. She was quite close friends with another woman in the group, who on the other hand was always very friendly and chatty with me, and even she once (while tipsy) apologised for her friend and said she didn't really get what the problem was, and that I certainly hadn't done anything wrong.

Yes, my neighbour across the road.
It’s very odd, she moved in when we were away on holiday and as far as I can figure out, she doesn’t like me because I didn’t immediately go over to say hello and introduce myself when we got back (it was 4 days before September term started so I was a bit manic!).
There’s been all sorts of episodes since then and the dislike is mutual - the best one was that she told me that we didn’t deserve to live in our house as my husbands job isn’t good enough. He’s a senior barrister while hers is an HR consultant so I don’t really see what she’s on about. If you can afford your house you can afford your house, surely the ‘worthiness’ of the job doesn’t come into it? Odd lady

I am the sort of person that can get on with anyone, and had never experienced anything like this before.

In one work place one of the HCP despised me no idea why, never had a cross word with her, she has obviously decided she was never going to like me before she even met me.

So odd, a lot of patients complained about her manner too. Didn’t worry me I got on with everyone else there.

Oh yeah. At my old job, I served a customer, everything went without a hitch, I was polite, I gave her a bigger courtesy car as I could see she would struggle with the smaller one as she had a big pram. She seemed happy.

Thought no more of it, however when she filled in her experience survey she absolutely trashed me! Said the person who served her was “blasé” and that she wouldn’t be coming back.

Wtf! I was so confused I almost thought she must have dealt with someone else while on site because I had no inkling that she wasn’t impressed with me. It was so weird.

I can only denounce it was because I’m a young attractive girl and she was well, mumsy, dowdy and unkempt. She had to come back for an unrelated issue and my manager served her, he was a handsome man in his 40s. She was over the moon and gave a glowing review.

Go figure. Bitch.

My NDN. First week of living here I waved at her a couple of time going in and out of the house, she totally blanked me. Had to go and pick up a parcel from theirs, she silently shoved it at me and slammed the door. 3 years on and I can now get a forced smile out of her but we have never had at kind of conversation. She chats to other neighbours but seems to hate us, from the day we moved in. Absolutely no idea why, if it started later on I'd have assumed we'd done something inadvertently to piss her off, but it was literally from Day 1. Mr NDN has always been quite chatty though. So weird.

Yes this happens to me a lot, I'm used to it. Went to a house party once where I didn't know anyone, DH went off to talk to friends and I went to the kitchen, nice bright smile, ready to meet people. There was a huddle of women my age all gathered around a table, they all scowled at me then began whispering and shooting filthy looks my way. I stood awkwardly like I was back at school. The male host came in and said "Have you all met Days?" and was met with silence, one of them even shrugged as if to say, who cares? He looked horrified and scuttled off as he clearly had no clue WTF was going on. These women were all mid forties, the sort who would be the first to complain if their children were bullied at school.

When we moved into our house the previous owner's friend lived opposite. She told me this friend was excited to meet me and would be over as soon as possible. When I saw this neighbour I smiled and waved thinking we would stop and chat. She gave me the most withering look ever, turned on her heel and stormed off. That was 25 years ago and she has spent a lot of energy ignoring me ever since.

It does happen a lot, I think I've got one of those faces. However, it has helped me in life as I would never judge anyone on sight as it's so petty and mean. It just makes you look insecure and closed off.

Only once, years ago, a female relative of dh - not a close relative. I think she fancied herself as intellectually superior and - maybe because I had long (natural) blonde hair then - she had me down as a bimbo. She said something really sneery about me (within my hearing) - I could never forget it or warm to her at all. Thank goodness I have hardly ever had to meet her since.

I used to get this all the time at school and still do. Either I get on with eveyone or they decide they want to hate me.
I have AS and a bitch resting face mind and people describe me as somewhat intimidating in terms of intellect - even if I hardly say anything! I also have had a strong mind-body connection but don't wear makeup and dress more for comfort and utility.

I think it is jealousy and insecurity which can make them feel that you are 'better' than them even if you haven't done anything. That and the fact they will feel it is an irrational hatred but that usually makes it worse since they know they are being irrational and it makes it spiral if you see what I mean?

Yes. I worked for the council and was sent on a stress awareness course. The trainer was horrible to me from the start, I almost thought it was part of the course to ‘pick on someone’. I nearly didn’t go back after lunch, but I didn’t have a good enough reason. He was totally different in the afternoon with me.
I can only think he thought he knew me, it was his home town (he travelled cross country to do the course). I didn’t come from there or live there. Bizarre.

I had a manager who disliked me. It wasn't immediately obvious until my immediate manager went off long term sick and suddenly this other manager changed all my job specs. At one point, she told me that if she'd been at my interview, she wouldn't have given me the job, because I wasn't the face the company wanted. Now, the company were small, had been in deep financial trouble and were trying to flog their products as high end. I am well spoken, fairly intelligent and good with people. She was a Glesga keelie, with dyed black hair and a perma-tan. It used to amuse me immensely if she tried to ingratiate herself with the customers by mentioning her shop and the number of customers who replied they wouldn't shop there because the staff were rude or common was hilarious. This woman eventually bullied me out of the job, but karma came back to bite her on the arse, and I found I could bear that with amazing fortitude.[big grin]

TBF, I have taken an instant dislike to a colleague. I have no idea what it was about her, but I had to make a real effort to be pleasant. I don't think she ever realised, because I met her not long after starting my current job and she was so pleased to see me that I felt really guilty!

We went on a group holiday a couple of years ago - uni friends and their families.

The wife of one of the uni friends took a disliking to me. I don't know why and I found it strangely upsetting. I assume it's because she saw me as 'below' her (she was very high-flying law-type, I'm a primary school teacher - or 'just a teacher' as one of the husbands put it ). I tried complimenting her cooking, offering to help, played with her kids, initiated the most excruciating conversation. She just really disliked me. Maybe it was my Essex accent

All the time.

I had a senior partner when I was a trainee who hated me on sight. Whatever I did was wrong she was always saying how her friend was the “prettiest girl in the office” and glaring at me. At an all female meeting whenever I spoke she rolled her eyes. The top senior partner came to find me afterwards to say how unacceptable this was! I was so used to it I hadn’t even noticed. I felt sorry for her in the end her dh got drunk at a work event and told me how awful she was. Poisonous woman. She used to flutter her eyelashes at senior men.

People who express instant dislike/hate are usually people with deep seated envy issues. There will be something you are more talented at, or some attribute you have that they envy or covet. Some men will take a deep dislike to talented or pretty women due to talent-envy or incel nonsense. There's no point engaging with genuine envy, there is no reasoning with madness.

Tldr: toxic envy, barking mad.

I often take an instant dislike to people. I'm very good at reading people and can spot an arsehole/bully/insincere style person almost immediately.
These people seem to know I've got a radar and that I can see their true colours and as a result make it obvious they dislike me. They know I'm on to them.
I'm also quite aloof.

Spied

That's true. I'm the same - can sense them on meeting.

I think there are two types.
One is what you describe - instant wariness, a sense that they aren't a "safe" person, therefore avoid the person. The other type is people who instantly, viscerally hate someone, but then tend to actively seek out opportunities to interact and attack the object of their hate.

One avoids, one seeks out.

A woman I met last year as part of a group theatre trip. We'd never met before but have several mutual friends. She looked me up and down when we were introduced, snorted, turned away and barely acknowledged me for the rest of the evening. Bizarre. 2 of the mutual friends commented on it afterwards so I definitely didn't imagine it!