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Original poster

Anonymous Call - DH accused of affairs

63 replies

VerityB1 · 19/05/2020 09:16

Reaching out for advice/comments.

Yesterday out of the blue, I answered a call on landline from a woman who said she had been seeing my DH and really fallen for him but stopped when she found out was married but wanted me to know that she has seen him in the company of a blond woman driving around looking very happy and pleased.

It was so bizarre. I spoke to my DH about the call and said it was v perculiar ... he denied it.

However, thinking about it, a few months back an acquaintance had said they saw DH with a blond woman going into a cafe in a nearby town and when he saw them he was then alone. Additionally, DH last year his mob rang on the sofa where I was sat and a message popped up along the lines of "Since you wont leave your wife, I will not see you again."

If it was anyone else, it would be plain as a pikestaff but my DH is a v unusual character. Advice gratefully received.

OP posts:
Ajollygoodwrap · 19/05/2020 10:01

It sounds like you're saying your husband is a prankster..pulls unusual stunts so you don't know if this is all true or just another strange act?

Even if he does, why would he be pulling these types of stunts with you? To get you to leave? To cause drama just for entertainment? To hurt you? Stunts or not, it doesn't seem right.

Mummyshark2018 · 19/05/2020 10:03

Did you not ask the caller for details? If someone phoned me and said what they said the first thing I'd do is ask their name and get them to confirm dh name. Too many red flags. Your dh is clearly having an affair and he's cool as a cucumber about it.

dottiedodah · 19/05/2020 10:09

In what way is your DH unusual? Lets be honest here ,even if he is a one off ,he has that very familiar trait called "being a cheat"! There are far too many red flags flying around for this to be anything innocent Im afraid!

PrincessHoneysuckle · 19/05/2020 10:15

Okkkkkkki doki then

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 19/05/2020 10:16

Hang on, you saw that message on his phone and said nothing because he's a strange character?

You sound a bit "unusual" yourself

Think you've got the nail on the head there!

Gallacia · 19/05/2020 10:16

I'd say it's quite obvious he's having/had affair(s)

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 19/05/2020 10:17

Hit, not got!

WhatCFeryIsThis · 19/05/2020 10:18

Is somebody writing a book about a character getting a phone call to say they're being cheated on? Confused there's been an awful lot of these threads recently and I'm starting to feel like I'm part of a focus group for the author to stab at their idea from loads of angles.

Either that or the lockdown has finally driven hundreds of APs mad and they've finally figured out how their phones work!

Fallsballs · 19/05/2020 10:25

Yes been wondering this too WhatcFery.
Even if OP’s husband wore a t shirt with “I’m having an affair” printed on it she’d still just raise an imaginary eyebrow.

WhatCFeryIsThis · 19/05/2020 10:27

😂 I want that T-shirt now!

kazzer2867 · 19/05/2020 10:28

Is somebody writing a book about a character getting a phone call to say they're being cheated on? confused there's been an awful lot of these threads recently and I'm starting to feel like I'm part of a focus group for the author to stab at their idea from loads of angles.

^This.

VaggieMight · 19/05/2020 10:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

MrsWhites · 19/05/2020 11:00

I’m actually gobsmacked that you seen a text like that on your husbands phone and did nothing, didn’t even mention it! He has clearly been playing away for some time, with obviously more than one woman.

If this is real then it’s really irrelevant what he says now because if you believe him you’ll believe anything! You need to leave OP, he clearly thinks he can walk all over you!

GertrudeCB · 19/05/2020 11:01

Are you Jilly Cooper op ?

Original poster
VerityB1 · 19/05/2020 11:14

I am reflecting on what you are saying ... and my own inactions and inadequacies.

Why have I done nothing ... trying to be v honest ... partly because worried about finances and fear of alcohol temper in the evenings and not wanting to affect kids at key times in their school/exams, also because I dont like confrontation. Also because, it is hard to believe he could lie so barefacedly. Because of these things I tend to have to think a long time before acting, but yesterday I did ... obviously far too late. I understand how stupid and cowardly and pathetic Ive been and the charade I have been living and I guess conspiring thru my own inactions to live in.

Thank you for honest and supportive comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
VerityB1 · 19/05/2020 11:42

Dear PickwickThePlocking He is unusual because he is a very successful self made business person who had an unhappy childhood although without much formal education, v experienced in life. Not that unusual but he has had a series of friends who usually need something and so agree with him on everything ... one of whom lived in a caravan in our garden without checking ok first or really knowing him who went onto steal something as did another. Additionally, very generous on some things which he is keen on but can make a person feel terrible not earning the same amount and rubbishes others for this, for eg, I went back full time after 3 months maternity as he refused to pay any contrib. When the children were young there were threats about what he would do if I left and not getting any of his money and he wouldnt do anything himself and so on.

Utterly charming to strangers on holiday or customers. There are many more but this may get across some of what I mean by unusual. I realise I am unusual too for being a completely stupid wet blanket.

OP posts:
MrsWhites · 19/05/2020 11:47

OP from your description of him he sounds exactly the type of man who would have an affair - very impressed with himself and his own success, wants to be top dog amongst his friends, the friend who solves everyone’s problems so he can tell everyone how wonderful he is, and most importantly wants to have his cake and eat it, having a family at home whilst going out and earning the big bucks, tells everyone how he supports his family when actually he wants the money all to himself and doesn’t contribute much at all, neither money or time...all the while going out and living a second life with the mistresses!

OhTheGeese · 19/05/2020 11:48

I don't think infidelity is your only problem here OP. What exactly are you staying with this man for??

Mo81 · 19/05/2020 12:05

Sorry your going through this sounds like you would be better off without him . From what your saying he sounds like a bully.

AreYouLocal2 · 19/05/2020 13:43

'Unusual' as in 'abusive'? He's lying to you because he can. Time to get things in order.

JonbonMoany · 19/05/2020 13:46

You saw a message that was blatantly about an affair and you just ignored it. Is this real?

begoniapot · 19/05/2020 13:47

You need to talk to a solicitor to see what your options are. Not sure where your DCs stand with exams just now, but there's nothing wrong with getting things lined up ready to divorce, once they are finished.

WhatCFeryIsThis · 19/05/2020 13:52

Okay OP, as there's no reason to assume you're being disingenuous just because of the frequency of these types of threads recently:

The outcomes of these threads have been pretty consistent - The partner has been cheating. The partners have tried all sorts of ways to deny it, including gaslighting and one even enlisted the help of a friend to create a whole other backstory to mess with the OPs head based on an incident from her past.

No point kicking yourself of calling yourself names like 'wet blanket', etc. The onus isn't on you to prove that he's guilty. There's enough damning evidence to put the ball squarely in his court to prove that he's innocent. The time you spend trying to figure out if he's lying or not will be time from your life that you'll never get back.

So maybe it's time you do what's right for you? What will make you happy?

JasonPollack · 19/05/2020 13:53

He is unusual because he is a very successful self made business person who had an unhappy childhood although without much formal education

GrinGrinGrin

Excellent character summary there OP. Not super original but there you go.

WhatCFeryIsThis · 19/05/2020 13:59

But p.s... if this is a book soon to be published, I won't be buying it.